I need help & I am scared

I am sorry. I haven't been making my recovery a priority & in doing that I also let you down. I am going to make change by checking in mmore often. I realized that not only was I hurting myself by not paying attention to my recovery, but I was hurting you and anyone else who may be reading my posts and maybe learning from them. I am also a part of your support system, in a way, you've been depending on me to be there for you & I let you down. No matter what my excuses are whether it's my defense mechanism I mentioned in the PM or my busy lifestyle, you've needed me & I will be there for you from this point on. I thank you & Blue because during this time when I reacted to your emails, you haven't given up on me. I see it for what it is and I want to do the same for you. I do need to head off now to work, but you will be hearing from me shortly.

Have a Happy Wednesday!

LOVE,

-Rae

Have a good day at work Rae!

I just wanted to tell you that I will never give up on you! Even if you give up on me, I will keep trying to reach out to you and help you in your recovery.

I am happy to be a part of your support system. And I am proud to say that you and Blue and Dee are a big part of mine.

You were a big part when you started back in November up until you stopped posting a few weeks ago. You still are a big part of my recovery! You help others to help yourself. If that makes any sense lol.

I am glad that you are going to try to be here more. I love hearing from you, hearing about your day, listening to your problems, and hearing about the good things going on in your life. And I hope that I don't stop hearing from you!

You didn't let me down! Because you came back, you're here right now and that is what matters! I've missed you around here and I am sure Blue and Dee have too! I'm glad you're going to try to be here more and I am sure they are glad too!

You're right about there reading and learning from your posts, but I don't think you let them down! I think they learned a lot from you if they read your thread from the beginning! You showed them that there is hope! That they can find a provider and not to give up when things seem to all be going wrong!

You're the reason why I joined the forum and I hope your story brings others in as well!

You are a good friend to me. And I will be the best friend to you that I can be!

Have a wonderful day!
Much love. -Jasmine

Rae, I have read through this whole thread.. Took me a while, haha you girls are very talkative.
I was saying that I read through it and it seems that you and Jasmine have gotten pretty close! and Blue Eyes as well! I am glad that she has made such good friends and that I have the opportunity to be friends with you as well!

Your story really touches me, it is very inspiring! And it shows how helpful and supportive the people on this forum actually are!
You came here in your time of need, you were addicted. Stuck. And wanted to change what you were doing, you just didn't know where to start and they helped you with that. Shoot Dee even looked up suboxone providers for you! That is true dedication! And I can see that same dedication in you! You got so busy with work as I read and you still took the time to post. You even posted when you were feeling down in the dumps!

Not gonna lie I was depressed a bit for the past week or so.. Mainly because we are struggling money wise, so I found myself reading and not posting.. I now learned that I should post no matter what, and I learned that from you!
Thank you!
You also taught Jasmine the law of attraction, which she taught me, Thank you again!
We make lists and we watch The Secret when we really need to get motivated! And we learned that from you! Thank you!

You said you were letting us down by not posting and not making your recovery a priority, but really you've showed us so much I don't think Jasmine or myself will ever be let down by you!
But your recovery does need to be a priority and I believe that you do need a support system and this is the perfect place!! I know when I need support I can just come here and be accepted and given support with open arms and open hearts!
Thank you!

I hope that you are doing GREAT!!

-Casey Jones

Thank You so much for that lovely post Casey. I am so happy to be a part of your recovery. I haven't been here much this week because I've been spending a lot of time @ my store. One of my employees has been sick & I had to cover for him.
I am so happy to hear you nhave embraced "The Law of Attraction"! It not only will bring you what you seek, but it help you keep a positive attitude. I'm not sure if Jaz told you, but there is a bit of a disclaimer that comes along with it. I just like to make sure that anyone who makes their lists and live by The Law of Attraction is aware that sometimes the process can be painful. I'll give you an example.....
When my store was in it's previous location, I knew it wasn't a good area for my business. I knew I needed to move. So, I made my list of "My Devine Commercial Building" Now I was aware that certain things must occur to get me the building i was describing, but I didn't expect it to kick into high gear immediately (sometimes things take time to get what you want). I listed everything from how much the rent would be, the town in which the building was located, the size of it & so on. Once I made the list & set it aside, I went on abpout my life. Only 3 days later I received a summons to appear in court, I was being evicted out of my current building (there is a long story about why) It jumped my moving of my store into high gear & i had to be out in 2 months. I HAD TO MOVE MY ENTIRE STORE IN 2 MONTHS! I had to go to court. I made another list of "My Devine Court Eviction" I listed about the kind of judge I wanted. I listed that I would win our case and so on. My landlord had an attorney, I represented ourselves (couldn't afford a lawyer) I WON THE CASE! We were given those 2 months (the landlord wanted 1 month), we didn't have to pay for the last month there AND I got our security deposit back!! That was great. However, it was terribly stressful & we were still looking for a building to move into...we only had 2 months! Craziest time in my life. It sucked soooooo bad. BUT, now I'm located on a busy intersection & I got most of what I listed on my Law of Attraction list. SO, even though the entire process was the worst experience, it had to take place in order to get what I was after on my list.
Like I was saying, sometimes the process can be painful to get what you want, so if you find yourself having difficulties getting what you want, remember to focus on what you do want & understand that all the ducks need to be in a row to bring you what you are after. Don't ask "why is this not happening" know it will happen & you are just going through the process.
Please don't ever feel bad about not posting. I do that all to often, just read & not post. Sometimes I just draw a blank or sometimes I simply don't have the time to read & post.
Money is a very powerful emotion if you let it be one. See if you can find ways to change your perception on how you view it. It's necessary to have a healthy relationship with your money. I struggle a lot with this one. But money is a good thing. We tend to view money negatively because we never seem to have enough of it. Try to view it differently and focus on the good things money does for you. Buys you food, etc.... That is the first step in having a healthy relationship with it. Again, I'm still on that first step myself because I to struggle with money.
Well, I'd love to post more, but I'll have to do it later, i have a young lady comming over so I can train her on pricing clothes. I hope you enjoy your weekend & we'll chat soon!!
(((HUGS)))
-Rae

I'm glad that you liked my post Rae! I put a lot of thought/heart into it! You helping out the love of my life really does mean a lot to me! Not just what you do either, what everyone on this forum that has helped her. She mentions you and Blue a lot. Oh and Dee too. You all seem so nice. I am so lucky to be here!

Jasmine has told me a lot about the law of attraction. And she's got me reading The Secret. And we watch the movie. It is VERY inspirational! It helps keep me motivated. I just get so stressed out working two jobs that I lose track of myself and forget to just be me. I don't know if that makes sense. LOL. I'll try to explain it better, uhm.. I just forget HOW to be me. I'm so busy doing stuff at one job or the other. I work many long hours. For both jobs!

Things were easier when Jasmine had a job, but sadly she lost hers. And now she stays home with the kids. She wants to work, but she can't seem to find a job. I know she made a list about it so when the ducks are all in a row she will have a job, but like you said sometimes these things take time. I had to get abother job after she lost hers because we just couldn't afford our bills without her income.

Since I started my second job I don't get to spend as much time with Jasmine and the kids. I just miss them so much when I am working! Usually when I get home the kids are in bed and she is half asleep. I just feel so bad if I wake her up. I know she needs her rest! Haha.

I want you guys to teach me about tho meditation and yoga Jasmine is always doing. LOL.

I hope you have a good night!
-Casey

I know exactly what you mean. I think you discribed it better than I do. I usually say one day just keep running into the next & before I know it, a week has passed. You just keep working & working & you've forgotten all about yourself. Becareful with that one, you may end up at work wearing your fuzzy bunny slippers like me!! No kidding, I was at work & I actually thought for a moment, "Wow! My feet feel mighty cozy today." I looked down & whata ya know? I'm wearing my fuzzy bunny slippers. When you fing yourself super busy, what helps me is to schedule time with the family. I know that sounds pathetic, but if I don't do it, I will just keep working since I lose track of the days. I've also made a promise to myself to sit down & eat lunch. Otherwise, I'll take a bite & keep working until my food gets cold. Now I sit down & eat. I make myself.

As for Jaz not finding work, I wish I knew what to say except if you find yourselves wanting or needing her to find work, then you may be attracting the wanting or needing instead of attracting a job. I would sugggest an affirmation. An affirmation is a small sentence or phrase that you repeat at least 5 to 10 times in a row throughout the day. Something like:
"I am worthy of a wonderful job. My job brings me financial relief and stability"
That would be for Jaz to say 10 times in a row the moment she wakes up. Then maybe while she's driving, giving the baby a bath, cooking dinner, folding laundry & finally right before bed. Start the day with an affirmation, say it as much as you can throughout the day (10 times in a row each time) and right before bed.
It's something to try & it does help stay focussed on what you want rather than attracting the want. I too understand what she is going through. I was a stay at home mom for 2 years & even though I am happy I was able to have that time with my son, I went insane. I needed to be around people. Back then we were new to this area. I had no friends close by & no family. I was very alone. I feel for her, but this to will be temporary. Life is full of changes and hopefully you can help her change her perception about this time she has being home. She will miss it as her baby boy grows & she does get that job. Maybe if she were to embrace it, I do see that she does enjoy her time with the little man, but just remind her that not working is temporary & she'll be back at work before she knows it.
I hope I'm not giving too much advice all the time. It's just who I am. I am the fixer of things. I've learned so much in my life that has helped me that I like to share my experiences in hope that I can pass it on & help someone. I knew this stuff while I was on pills, but I never really utilized any of it because I was preoccupied in finding more pills. But now that I am off the pills, things are so much more clear. I am currently trying to take my own advice & even though I may not see immediate results with some things, I am maintaining a positive attitude & it just feels good. Please forgive me if I told you already, but if you like 'The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, you can like it on facebook. Just type in "The Secret" & click on the one with her name. If you do that, she will post almost daily quotes that teach you more about the law of attraction. She has awesome insight & great advice.
I wish you & your beautiful family the best that life has to offer. Thank You for keeping me updated on how you are doing. I look forward to hearing from you again.
(((HUGS)))
-Rae

Rae,

I personally, love the advice you give here. You are teaching all of us to be the best we can be.

That's so important during our recoveries. We need to come out of this, strong, kind, dependent, loving, caring individuals.

I thank you for all that you have taught us here.
I know I am a better person for it.

You're right Blue she does give some of the best advice.. I can't say which one of you two give better advice, I'd say it's about equal. I love the advice that both of you give me!

I think you're right about the affirmation Rae!! I think we are attracting the want and not the job! Thank you for telling me this Rae!
well, you told Casey so I came and read cause he told me LOL.

Love all three of you! Rae, Blue and of course Casey!
Much love! Jasmine

I am so glad that I am able to offer some positive reinforcement. I too was was having such a difficult time existing in this crazy world. I'll tell you how I started on this path: I was working in my office one day (which is in the attic of my house) I was so frustrated that I started crying & screaming, "PLEASE! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP ME!" I wasn't talking about anything in particular. I was talking about my life & everything in it. I was used to having unanswered prayers, so I went on with my life. 2 weeks later a woman came into my store. She wanted to talk to me & from previous experiences, I assumed she wanted to haggle. But she didn't she said, "I'm going to ask you a question & I understand if you are uncomfortable with it, but I have to try." I said, "Yes?" She was interested in a Sony Handycam I was selling for $300.00. She asked if I'd be willing to barter. The camera for her services. She told me she was an Apothocary Physiologist. I said, "Gazuntite" We laughed. Anyway, she handed me her card with her website & asked me if I'd look into it & let her know if I'd like a FREE consultation to show me exactly what it is she does. She is AKA a kinnesiologist. I learned that she not only is she a motivational speaker, but she works with the energy in our own bodies to help us physically, mentally, financially, emotionally, & so on. I had my free consultation & was hooked. She was amazing. I actually thought she was a psychic because she was able to tell me so much about myself just by reading the energy in my body. She has inspired me so much to have a positive prospective in life. That alone helps with stress. I have adopted this way of life & it is now second nature. I still have my moments, but thankfully they are short lived. I believe she was sent to me. I asked for help & received it. It has helped me so much and I want to pass it on in hopes of it helping someone else as well. I've always been the one who likes to make people laugh. I've always hated hurting and taking everything so personally. I like to be around happy people. I prefer happiness. I am not one of those people who are happy in their misery. I know people who are comfortable Being negative, those people don't want to hear what I have to say. They refuse to believe that they can have happiness. Even when it feels like nothing is going right & life sucks, I've learned that there is a lesson to learn here. And if you don't learn that lesson, the universe will keep presenting that same issue over & over again until you learn it. Hence the phrase, "Why does this always happen to me?" It keeps happening because you haven't learned the lesson & you've owned the fact that it will always happen to you.

Anyway, I think I've posted quite a bit here...LOL I just wanted to share my turning moment in hopes of inspiring someone to strive for happiness. I want to show them it IS possible to have it no matter what is going on in your life & no matter WHO is around you.

Have a Happy Monday everyone!!

Love & Hugs

-Rae

Hello Rae and Blue.
I love the advice you give too Rae! I totally agree with you Blue!
Jasmine and I are glad you told us about the affirmation sentence! What a great idea! I think that plus the list will definately help lead her to her dream job. She just needs to be patient and understand that it may take some time. About her staying with the kids, I believe she has embraced it. I believe she has become comfortable as a stay at home mother. And it scares her because she's afraid of being stuck lik that for a while.. Longer than she wants. Sh wants to work, she wants to contribute, she wants our relationship to be equal when it comeds to our finances and free time. I think she feels sort of stuck.
I hope that sometime soon soomething changes, I don't think she can take much more. Especially since her back has been hurting. She can barely pick up our 23lb daughter Zoey% it just hurts her so bad.

Rae, have you ever been a stay at home mom or have you always had a busy work life? If you have what do you think Jasmine and I should do? I offer to watch the kidd after work sometimes so she can go out. But she won't go, she says she feels bad if I watch the kids after working all day.
I do take her shopping once a month and spoil her. That usually helps her mood out for a few days. Then she is depressed again.

See I would trade places with Jasmine, but I can't handle what she does. I am around both kids for a couple hours and I want to rip my hair out. I just get so overwhelmed and frustrated, I don't know how to deal with them both together. One at a time is just fine.

Rae what shhould we do to help her not feel so stir crazy!?! Before she drives me crazy! LOL Just Kidding!

I know exactly how she feels. I too was a stay at home mom for over 2 years and though I enjoyed having that time with my baby, I went absolutely insane! We had moved to NY when I was 8 month pregnant. I had no friends & no family. Fortunately, my stepsons would visit us almost every weekend. It was tough. I would call my friends about every little thing (even if I stubbed my toe) I drove them nuts! I think (if you'd like to know) that part of the issue lies with Jaz. She needs to overcome her feelings of guilt that you have worked all day (when you offer to watch the kids so she can take a break). She needs to understand that she deserves to have time for herself. Yes you worked all day & you are tired. But maybe yoy can convince her that you want time alone with the kids because you worked all day & you want special daddy time with them. It doesn't have to be everyday either. That can be overwhelming for you because you work so much. Maybe 3 days a week. 2 week days & 1 weekend day. My husband would take our son out to breakfast every Sunday morning & then either to the park or something else & I'd have the morning to myself. You can show her this post to help her understand that it's not healthy for her to not take a break from the kids. When she is with the kids 24/7 she is burnt out. Therefore she really is only giving them about 60% of herself (hence the depression etc...) If she gets a break, not only will she have something to look forward to, but she will most likely be able to give her kids 95% to 100% because she will be in better spirits. Schedule the days so she can make plans to do something (even if it's just soaking in the tub or meditate) & so she can look forward to it. If 3 days is too much, then do 2 or even just 1. As long as she gets it. I'm going on about this because I think this is a HUGE part of the issue. It's so nice of her to think of you, she sounds like me, putting others before herself. But she needs to know that she has to take care of herself to be the best wife and mommy she can possibly be. My favorite saying I even have hanging up in my house is, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" It is so true.
As for you wanting to rip your hair out LOL. I understand that to. It is harder for some men especially after a long day at work. But try engaing the kids with a project. get down to their level & really play with them. Get play dough & sit at the kitchen table & have fun. don't just watch the kids & let them run around while you relax. You'd be amazed how relaxing it can be to just sit & play with something with them. keeping them engaged in an activity will help keep their voices down and they will be more in control because they are focussing on something & playing with daddy!
I hope I was a bit helpful on giving you some insight. I just shared what I feel may be helpful from my own experiences. I will PM you & send you my email address if you ever need to talk & you don't want the world to read about it LOL. Please pass it on to Jaz as well. I am here for her if she needs me.

I wish you all the best of luck. You sound like you have a lovely family.

Love & Hugs

-Rae