Friday Check in

It's been awhile and time for a check in. With the 4th of July holiday being last weekend, I think it would be a good idea for us to stop and take a look at how we're all doing.
Holidays have a way of getting to us in ways they don't affect others. When we came into recovery all we wanted was to be normal like everyone else.
But being normal means dealing with a lot of emotions and feelings we didn't have to deal with before. Oh they were there, but underneath the "feel good" part of us.
Maybe not everyone, but some. Some of us are able to just take everything in stride and others have times when they need to sit and think about how they really feel.

I've had to learn to limit family time during holidays and get togethers. Often when too many people get together, we have a lot of drama. I know families have drama but this one has much more than it's share.
Things I never really noticed before, tend to bother me now.
The only way I've been able to get around all of that is to start my own traditions at home.
So far, that is what works for us. We do our thing at home and later when we know that the crowd has cleared out some that is when we go visit, check in and try to get caught up on how everyone is doing.

I hope that all of you are doing well. We have a lot of new members that I know everyone would love to hear from. It doesn't have to be much, a simple hi or how ya doing will work. Just something to break the ice. I promise you that once you get started in your posting the words will come and sometimes it will be hard to stop them.
Welcome to all.
Enjoy your weekend and make it a safe one. Remember if you need somewhere to go that you can talk and let it all out. We are here for you.
Enjoy your weekend!
Dee

[i][b]

Hey Dee,Beth and all members passing thru.

Sorry,I've not been posting. I've been in a low mood. I'm still fighting this Ins. nonsense. Actually,it's the Dr. office that refuses to help me. I'm going to go in the morning,AGAIN. I'm going to ask her to please help me to understand what the problem is and how can we get this resolved. A month ago when I talked to her about this she said the Dr. would not sign the PA for the increase and he would just knock me back down to the original dosage. After much explaining this to her and she never called me back I got to thinking. Surely,he is not going to decrease my meds without telling ME first. Or decrease b/c of Ins.
My Ins. Co. has sent them several PA for them to sign and they just ignoring them. They could at least return my calls.
I have a appt. with him on Wed. but was hoping to get this resolved before then so when I go to refill my meds I won't have this problem.

I did see the Therapist last week and really like him. It was like he was inside my head and totally knew what I was feeling. He really felt it was not right all the stress the Dr. and office staff is causing me.

I'm really tired of talking about this. It's old and it's in the back of my mind 24/7. Our Dr. that is suppose to be helping us with our addiction should not be causing so much undo stress.

I've never felt like I needed a voice before but with this situation I really feel I need a voice b/c my voice is obviously not being heard. I have no voice and that saddens me deeply.

My daug. will be home next weekend. My plan was to go and go to her and help her this week but it happened to be the same week I have to go to the Dr. There is no way he would give me my script 2 days ahead of time so I could go. I know she needs me but I can't risk not going to the appt. I know if I missed it he would throw me out. There is no doubt on that one. Which by the way,I have this fear of him doing that since I keep calling and going there about this darn PA. It's a shame to have to worry about a Dr. that took a oath to help ppl.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Love,
Marie

Hey Marie,
I posted a couple of times earlier this afternoon. The first time I accidentally hit the search button on my browser and lost it. The second time I hit the Google button and lost it again so I decided to try it again tonight.
This time I’m typing in word and will post it here on the forum. That way at least I won’t lose the post.

I was thinking about something in regards to the PA for the insurance company. Do you or can you get a copy of the PA for the doctor to sign to be faxed to them?
Maybe if you hand it to him personally he will sign it and you can get the office to fax it while you are still there.
It’s just a thought.

So your daughters move date is finally here. How exciting for you. I know if it were my daughters I would be out of my mind with happiness.

It will be good for the two of you to be able to spend time with each other.
I know this insurance thing has got you down and hopefully you will be able to get it worked out soon.
How was your weekend?
Post when you are up to it. Try and keep your spirits up. We are here if you need us. Always.
Dee

[b][i]
UPDATE.....

I went to my Dr. appt this morning and I told him everything that's been going on. He said no problem but I doubt that the Ins.l will allow you that many.

No Problem??????

So,I left a message with the nurse that handles this and told her everything that the Dr. said. She called me back a bit ago and said I was denied. I asked her how could I be denied so quickly? She said she personally called them and they said they are not allowed to pay for 4 times a day.

I called the Ins. and they said the same thing. I now have to Appeal it.
I asked the lady from the Ins.....Why is it I had no problem having the Ins. to pay for me to have up to 6 pills a day of Percocet and all other opiates? They had no answer.

So,I'll Appeal it. I'll have to do it myself b/c the Dr. office is out of it now.

After so much stress from so long I thought about this....I'm going to appeal it and if I get denied then I have to pay for 30 with the coupon each month. It could be way worse. I could be stuck paying for the full 120 a month.

I'm so wanting to get rid of this stress that I'm going to do the best I can with this new appeal and that's all I can do.

I'm ready for peace. I'm ready to move on. The past few months have been way too hard. The past week has been even harder. I felt things I don't want to feel. The terrible sadness and hopelessness. That's not what recovery is about.
All I can do is do what I can do. I'll have to find a way to pay the extra if I have to but I'm no longer going to put all of my energy on this anymore.

It's time to move on.....


So,how is everyone doing?

Love,
Marie

Hi Marie,
I know your ready to move on. I want to say this and then I’ll respect your wishes and let it drop.
When Suboxone came was approved for the treatment of addiction it was meant to be taken once daily.
Methadone is the same way, to be taken once daily usually in the morning.
The medication is supposed to last the whole day.
Sometimes in the beginning of treatment until the patient has stabilized on a set dose it is prescribed once in the morning and again in the evening.
When an addict is using they get used to taking pills throughout the day. The whole idea behind the once daily dosing it to re-train the brain. And eliminate addictive thinking and behavior.

Not that I agree with this but that is the protocol for Suboxone Treatment. Sometimes if a patient is experiencing pain the dose of Suboxone is allowed to go higher. But that doesn’t mean the insurance companies will pay for the extra medication.

It’s not right, people are all different and we should have the right to be treated differently instead of being placed in a one size fits all category.

Doctors can prescribe this medication as often or how much they want and the insurance companies should listen to the doctors decision. After all they are the doctors aren’t they?
Since when did the insurance company CEO’s go to medical school or get the certification to prescribe Suboxone? Never that’s when. But everyday they make decisions that affect all of us.

I think if anyone can do this, it will be you. You have shown much strength and determination.
Your days have been consumed by an insurance company and phone calls and that makes me angry. You should be allowed to move on and enjoy your life.

If there is anything that I can do to help, I’m here.
Now that I’ve gotten that out, I’ll follow your wish to let it drop.

[b][i]
Oh no,Dee I didn't mean I want you to drop it b/c I need all the help I can get. What I mean is I need to stop obsessing on it as much as I have. I have become consumed with it and it's just not healthy.

Between that and my husband and now I realize my son is doing drugs again I'm just tired of worrying about everyone and everything. My son is blaming me or being annoyed with me for things i didn't even know about. This is not my son. He's always been so kind hearted to me "except" for when he is using.
I told my husband that when he takes this trip to pick up Kristy he needs to really think why he's still here. Really search his heart.

It feels like since I've gotten back into recovery all hell broke loose. Perhaps it always has been and I now see it. I'm sure that's what it is.

I know what you saying about the dosage. It really has helped me with my pain but I know it's a high dosage. I also know I'll have to drop soon as well. I'm also aware that all the stress does not help my pain either.

Can old people run away?

Boy,am I ever glad I have a therapist.

I'll be back tomorrow.

Have you heard from Beth?

Love,

Marie

I haven't heard from Beth for a few days the last time I talked with her she was headed out the door. I'm sure she will check in soon though.

When I said I wold drop the subject what I meant was that I realize I have a very big habit of repeating and nagging. My family will be the first to tell you that and sometimes I feel like I say the same things over again. Too much
I was trying to say that I will stand by whatever you decide and am with you all the way.

Can adults run away? Hmm I have a sister in law who does that all of the time. In fact she just did it the other day. Her children have really never had any guidance from her and she is a very narcissistic person who also has a borderline personality disorder.
Everything is always about her and only her. If one of the kids get into trouble her first question is always.. "Why me? Why is this happening to me?" When in fact it is happening to her children and not her.
The other night two of her children got into an argument with her, they are ages 15 and 12. She ran away from home. Left them there at the house with her boyfriend and came into town to stay with one of my other sister in laws.

So yes, I guess we could run away from home. But it will follow us.
I do know what you mean.
Having a quiet place that you can retreat to helps. Someplace that when you go there everyone else knows to leave you alone for a little while.
My safe haven is my front porch. It is a pretty big one where my plants, flowers and bird feeders are. I can sit and listen to my wind chimes and it gives me a feeling of peace. When I'm there I feel like nothing can touch me.

I've had to use my porch a lot lately but it's never let me down.
Therapy is golden isn't it? I go once a week and don't know what I'd do if I couldn't go. Just having someone listen who isn't involved in my household helps a great deal. We discuss my problems and also things like my work and this forum.
It helps me see that some days I do make a difference and my recovery is still a reality.
Does that make sense that way I said it?
I'll go for now, I have to check in with one of my daughters. We check in with each other at least once a day to touch base. I am so blessed that I have been given a second chance with her. Something I had only dreamed about. She is the last of them. So now I have contact will all of my children and I pray that one day I will meet my grandchildren.
Enjoy the day
Dee