How are you Barbara?

Hi Ms. Barbara,
How are you doing my friend? I also have been wondering about you. I haven't heard a peep from you in quite a while & that concerns me. That is NOT the same Barbara that I know. I realize that we all have tendancies to isolate during depression, but please remember that YOU were the one who told me that "a problem talked about is a problem half solved!" As you already know, these are the times when you need your special angels to talk things through with, to discuss your feelings with. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to come here, but please make sure that you have an outlet. And we miss you very much here!
I hope that your hanging in there & to hear a little "peep" from you soon!
Love Your Friend,
B (Bethy!)

Awww, you guys. You are so good to me. Yes, I do have people at home I can talk to, but when I get depressed, I go deep onto the backroads of my mind and it's impossible to say what's there. So much from the past that's clear to me now. So much mental pain I've overcome so that I can take a look at what really happened and I seem to need to suffer in silence. Lately, everything I've tried to do has back fired. I ordered a load of dirt (5 yards) and it turned out to be fill dirt full of rocks, branchs, twigs and glass. I wanted to put it in my barn for my horses cause from cleaning it out so much, it had gotten too low and when it rained, it was getting flooded. I had no choice but to clean it all out by hand and do it by the shovel full. My bother finally got home and helped me finish. It's just been one thing after another. A friend was suppose to pay me back quite a bit of money so I could go to West Palm Beach to a seminar. She paid me back, but too late to go and I lost the money on my hotel room. My Mom's getting up in years and says all the time how tired she is and I can see in her eyes, she knows her time is near. I try to get her to go for walks or to a movie. She says no, she's too tired. She lives in a cute one bedroom house in the back of my place and I go over every morning for coffee and she comes over here. I know death when I see it and I see it in her. Just like my dog, Pete. He's 21 this August and he follows me where ever I go. I know he's going to leave me soon too. I just get so sad and when I have a friend, I'll hide my deepest fears cause I don't want them to feel as badly as I do.

Thank you for asking about me. I'm hanging in there, but it's hard at times. You guys have made it a bit easier. Dee, I was concerned while you was sick and I said prayers for you. I always end my prayers with,"God, help anyone who needs you."

I'm grateful for all of you.

Yours in life,
Barbara

Hi Barbara!
Happy 4th of July!! Did you do anything to celebrate? Did you see any fireworks or hear them popping off in the night sky? Have you been feeling any better?? Is the dark cloud that's been following you around lately starting to pass? I'm praying for you girl, as you posted above, I pray for those who need help, my family, all of the members of this forum & all of the souls that are crying out to him, with or without realizing it. (as I know that someone was doing that for me when I wasn't even aware of those prayers or that I even needed them!) I hope that your doing better & that you'll keep in touch. I justed wanted to say hey & let you know that your in my thoughts. Hope your having a superb weekend!!
Love Your Friend,
B

Hi Beth,

It's late and I'll answer you in the morning. I spent the 4th keeping the horses from going crazy over the firworks...I live in the country and people were shooting off AK-47's and whatever they had. I'm okay...each day is different.
You are in my prayers too.
Love,
Barbara

just wanted to let you know im still thinking of you and praying for you barbara .
i know in my heart ,your tough , and you will get through this glitch .
hugs and prayers always
Suz

Barbara,
I'm glad to hear that you made it through the fireworks with no major issues with the horses. As Cathy had mentioned, her dogs also have a very difficult time with all that noise, so she puts cotton balls in their ears. I don't know if that would work for a horse or not, but a possible suggestion.
Anyways, I was happy to hear from you & look forward to catching up with you!
Please continue to keep in touch!
Love Your Friend,
B

Hi All,

Your messages to me mean a lot. I'm going through a serious case of depression. It seems to come and go as I tell myself to think of happier times and not dwell on the past. I know this will pass. I have an appointment with my primary doctor tomorrow. I'm going to have a talk with her.
I just wanted to leave a note tonight to let you know I'm okay and not going to do anything crazy. Maybe it's just growing pains.

I hope everyone is doing well and ask for your prayers.

Good night for now...will log in tomorrow after the doctor.

Yours in the struggle,
Barbara

Thanks Dee,

Thanks for the positive response. Yes, I am strong and have had to fight my way for everything I've ever gotten. Yet, somethings comes easy for me, usually when I don't expect it. I got some things done this week I needed to take care of...a ticket for not having my drivers license with me when I got stopped for passing on a solid line. I got medicine for Pete, my dog and medicine for Bask, my horse. I let things pile up and getting them done ends up being a major ordeal. My mind is a little more settled down. At least everything's not spinning around and around on what to do first. I'm going to my Suboxone doctor tomorrow and will have a long talk with him.

I want to thank all of you who has reached out to me in kindness and care. You mean so much to me. I hope you all have been well in the spirit.

Good night for now,
Love,
Barbara