Update on AE

I didn't know where to put that I relapsed. I don't want to live like that anymore so Iam going back to sub doc. Hopefully I can restart. I do realize I don't want to live for a high that can never be met. Constantly chasing my tail and never catch it. Ashamed I feel but thankful to my lord Jesus that He still loves me and let me go to fully realize that's not the life I want to live. Please pray for me (and my husband since he relapsed too).
AE
Is it 24hrs I need to be withdrawing to start sub again ?

AE

I'm glad that you told us what happened. Don't beat yourself up over it. You will learn from this and move on, ok??
I'm also glad that you feel your finally done with using.

I'll ask Dee to move this to it's own thread so that you may get the support that you need.

Stay strong, ok ? your on the right path.

Thank u so much brought tears to my eyes. I'm happy this is here n there r people who do a actually care.
AE

As far as your withdrawal time.
Have you followed the COWS scale??
Just Google it. It helps you figure out when it's safe to take your first dose of suboxone.

Good luck ! We are here for you.
Did you already contact your Dr ?

Hi AE
Please don't beat yourself up over the relapse. You don't need to feel any worse about yourself than you already do. Is your husband also going to be going back to Suboxone along with you?
Also, have you already talked to your provider?
If staying on Suboxone a little longer is what you feel like you need to do then that is what you should do. We will be here for you as long as you need us. I promise.
I will keep you in my prayers,
Dee

Thank you very much !! No I've not heard of cows but ill look it up Ty
I haven't told my provider yet u will tomorrow. My husband I don't think will go onto subs again. He believes since it was only few days that it won't be that bad and that what he says for me to. But I think the opposite. I think it will b just as bad or maybe worse either way I do want back on subs. I will call my doc in morn. Also my counselor there. There should be no reason for him to deny me the subs right since I will be honest w doc right? I thank you deeply for the prayers.
AE

I feel so terrible. I called doc n he hasn't called back. Ill call office when they open. I hope he will put me back on sub. This is awful.
AE

Its now 6:25pm EST - wondering if you heard back yet ??

Yes. Well I had to call the office and make an appt. so I made it there and by the grace of God I made it. I got put back on subs and increased my counceling once a week. So Iam happy bout that. I feel so much better now. He put me on 2 mg per day. One thing I know us I absolutely will never do anything like that again. Thank you again for yours and all the support and prayers.
AE

AE

I'm so glad your back on track !!!


If your comfortable talking about it, would you mind telling us the story of what happened?
I totally understand if your not ready.
It would benefit others to hear what you went through and how you came back into recovery.

Just a thought.

Either way, we are here to continue to support you !

Blue

AE I am relieved that things have worked out for what is best for you. Like Blue I would like to hear how you are and what happened. When you are ready.
Dee

When I was down to 1mg I was also trying to taper more so maybe physically I'd be more ready when I would see doc to stop the subs. But that n return I used more on other days which resulted in not going to have enough to last until I seem doc. Mentally I was scared. I told my husband and he had the idea of hey I got a norco from a friend. How bout using this to help w the withdrawls and then you can taper of that and it won't be that bad. So reluctantly I said ok. Which that turned into getting more. Inside I was hearing its not too late to stop to turn around. But that addict side said just try. Then that led into couple days of going full blown. During the last days I started to see I don't want to live like this. I don't like how i feeling how I am chasing a high that will never be met. I didn't like seeing how it changed my husband. So that's when I decided to stop. Then the withdrawls hit hard. Let me tell you the withdrawls I felt from almost stopping the subs is so much better and tolerable then the opiate withdrawls. I felt so bad and stupid for going back when I couldn't take care of my children. But one positive side I feel very thankful that I believe The Lord let me go to see that that life is NOT for me anymore. This time is the first time I wanted to stop. The life of pills or whatever is never going to be chained to me again. This relapse (or lapse as my doc called it since this only lasted few days) I take full responsibility for. I could have said no. Iam done chasing my tail that I will never catch..

AE, Good afternoon. Hope things are going good this afternoon. It is a relief to have yourself where you should be once again isn't it.
If your husband is able to have Norco in the house with you I would be really careful and aware right now. You are coming out of a "laspe" and although I know you have no desire to use right now it concerns me that he has something in the house.
Isn't he supposed to be not using as well?
It is a slippery slope to try and taper off of opiates using another drug such as Vicodin so I hope that is not what he is trying to do.
About you though, I am proud of you. Proud of you for not letting this get you down and proud of you for getting right back up with the fight against your addiction.
You have so much strength and determination.
In recovery we have to want it more than anything else and it has to be out number one priority. Maybe I sound selfish when I say that. If I don't put my recovery first even above family, then I won't have any family left. I have broken so many hearts including the hearts of my children and that is something that I have to live with. Now I am trying to make up for that by making sure recovery is number one.
Have a good day. I am keeping you in my prayers
Dee

I too have broken my children's hearts. So I understand This time only my husband knew. He is also in recovery but he doesn't see it as an addict. He stopped also but is going cold turkey. Iam determined to never do that again.

Hello AE

I can relate to thinking you broke your children's hearts.

They love you unconditional, your their mom. They want you to get better, believe me.
I have been through it with mine so I know.
Mine are old enough to know what I did, I'm very ashamed for what I did and how I lost
control and let this addiction take over.

Stay strong, they love you and they will no matter what

Blue

I had a relapse myself back in November. I couldn't get to my doctor and I went to my PCP doctor and he gave me Tramadol and Benzo's. Instead of taking them right like I was supposed to do, I took four Tramadol's a day. I was taking the others right but the pain pills, I couldn't do it correctly. Apparently, I thought that I was bad enough to do it on my own. Sometimes, we do it without being ready to come off which is what I did. Sometimes, we just plain aren't ready. I did find out that after I relapsed, went through 2 weeks of hell, got back on Suboxone that my dose was a lot lower. That helped out quite a bit, instead of being on three a day I was down to one. When I first started off, I was only taking 4mg a day. But I found out that once my system leveled out, 4mg wasn't enough. I upped to 8mg and that is where I have leveled off.
Once you go back to the doc, and take it for a month or couple however long you feel is necessary, you will see that your dose is lower than what it once was and it might be easier to come off in the end. Everything in life happens for a reason, you might not be sure what the reason is just yet but it will show itself eventually. Mine was to lower my dosage and to show me that I needed to heal just a bit longer.