New.. But my wife is on this forum

My name is Casey and I'm new here to this forum, but most of you probably know my soon to be wife Jasmine. I can see that she posts a lot lol.

I'd like to start off by saying a little about myself, I'm 21 years old and have two beautiful children that my wife stays home and takes are of while I work a full time job plus another art time job. I don't know where I'd be without her. She is the one that helped me start suboxone and star my recovery.

For me it started about 6 months ago with Vicodin when I broke my hand/wrist. I was prescribed it and told Jasmine that I flushed it, I lied. I just know that she had just started her recovery and me taking them could endanger her recovery because I was a big part of her support. Besides you guys here on the forum she tells me a lot about how thankful she is to have you and that you guys have helped we so much and I thank you for that.

Let me get back to what I was saying, I started taking vikes about 6 months ago and I just let myself get so out of control and I let it get way out of hand. By the time I started recovery/suboxone, which was last Friday, I was taking anywhere from 25-35 Vicodin in one day.
When I first started my suboxone on Friday I was taking two mg twice daily, but I was still having withdrawal symptoms pretty bad ones actually. I couldn't stand being six like that so I called the doctor and he said I could take eight mg a day so four mg twice a day. I started dosing once a day two days ago because Jasmine told me that's te best thing to do. She's been doing this much longer than I have so I trust her advice! Plus I hae read other places that is is best to dose once a day, just take your dose of sub in te morning and forget about it for the rest of the day. I want the most out of my recovery and I want to do everything right!

Thank you in advance for reading this and any replies. I hope that you are all having a good day. : Casey

Hi Casey and welcome to the forum !

Congratulations on taking the steps to get your life back together before things got really bad.

I know you have support at home with Jaz. She's awesome ! We all love her here !

I am looking forward to getting to know you. Stick around. It's good to talk things over when you have a questions or problem.
As far as the dosing once a day, it's usually recommended, but it's totally what your comfortable with.
Right now, I'm dosing 5mg in the AM and 2mg at lunch time. That's just me.

Again, welcome and congratulations !!!

Blue

Hello Hunnie. I see you've met Blue. She's wonderful. And so is everyone else here that you will meet!

This is our forum. And I hope you like it!

Good morning Casey,
It is good to meet you. My name is Dee and I am the admin of the forum, Blue whom you have already met is our moderator. She is a wealth of information so please don't hesitate to ask any questions that you may have weather it be about Suboxone or recovery itself. Although medication makes it easier to deal with addiction it is important to find out what it was that lead you down the path to begin with. I highly recommend therapy or individual counseling one on one if you have access to it if not, I'm sure there are meetings in your area that you may be able to attend.

Blue is right. Treatment is an individual thing and should be managed with that particular patient in mind. Jasmine has a lot of knowledge as you said she has been a patient longer than you have and I am sure she will be a great part of your support system at home.
One thing about recovery to remember is that in order to have a successful recovery you also need to have complete honesty, not only at home but with your provider as well.
I am happy that you have taken the step into recovery. I know it is not an easy thing to do. Congratulations on your recovery and please don't hesitate to let us know if you need anything.
Dee

Hi Casey, my name is Rae. I sometimes have a difficult time being active on the forum, but I am trying my best. I take 4 mg in the morning and 2 mg in the afternoon. I actually, forgot to take my dose the other morning, which i found to be pretty exciting. LOL anyway, you've made a wise choice by joining the forum. These people (including your wonderful wife) are exceptional & very patient. Whether you are angry, having an emotional breakdown, pissed off or happy, they will hold your hand through all of it. I learned quite recently that there is a strong bond that keeps us all together. We need help & we need to help. So welcome, and it's very nice to meet you.

Hello everyone, it is nice to meet all of you! My wife had told me so many good things about you and this forum and I am glad to finally be a part of it!

Both you and Blue are right everyone's recovery is different and I don't expect mine to be the same as my wife's. In a way we are all the same though. We were once held down by our addiction and now with suboxone we are able to be free!

I do know all about having to find what lead me to addiction in the first place and I am already in therapy. Jasmine made sure of that! Haha.

I believe that my working so much and being stressed out all the time because of work is what lead me to my addiction. I had never thought about takin pills to make things better in my life. Honestly I thought Jasmine was wrong for thinking that way in the first place. I now feel horrible for thinking that way though. It's not her fault it is the way she way raised.

I do feel like I have let her down though. She had the same drug of choice and I decided to use them and put her recovery in danger. I am a big part of her support system and I decided to use the very drugs that got her into her situation in the first place. I feel bad for lying to her. When I broke my hand and got the prescription I told her that I flushed it. But actually I was taking them. I began taking more and more and hiding from her more and more.

I only took them when I was at work though. I believe that is why I was able to hide it from her for so long. I feel like a terrible person for doing that to her. She was so upset when I told her that I was using them. I am surprised she didn't want to leave me! I am very grateful that she didn't!

Now that I am out d active addiction I plan to keep going to therapy and meetings and better myself so that I can take care of her and our family. I talk to my therapist once a week and go to meetings twice a week. I now believe that I am doing the right thing!

Thank you all for your responses and reading my story and listening to me.

I do have one question though.. I was only in active addiction for six months so how long should I be on the suboxone?

How long a person is taking Suboxone depends on that person, the drug they were abusing and for how long.
I have to be honest with you and I hope that I don't create any harsh feeling for doing so.
When I read your post that you had been addicted to Vicodin for 6 months, I questioned the use of Suboxone.
Please don't get me wrong. I know that recovery is different for everyone and that is how it should be.
And I am not trying to lesson the addiction that you had to Vicodin. It is just that since you were addicted for 6 months, I had wondered if you had been dependent and not addicted.
I had wondered if it would be easier for you to work with your doctor to taper off of the Vicodin instead of starting to take another drug that you can also become dependent on.

Please don't beat yourself up for taking a medication that at the time you did need for pain. A part of recovery is learning new coping skills so that when we are around people who have the need to take opiates we can do so and still remain in recovery.
If my husband was hurt and was also prescribed my DOC, I would not want him to feel as though he could not take his medication. But I would want him to be aware of what can happen if you take them for too long. Why should he suffer because of my addiction?
Opiate do have their place, when monitored by a doctor and given out sparingly.

Obviously I don't know Jasmine as well as you do. But from what I do know about her, I don't think she would want you to be beating yourself up over this. Is she mad because you were taking the Vicodin or because you lied to her about them?
She is a very caring young women and has come so far in her recovery. You are both doing the right thing and have such a great future together ahead of you.

Back to your question about how long you should take Suboxone. Talk to your doctor and ask him/her what they feel should be appropriate. When you are ready to taper, do it slowly over time and I'm sure you will do fine.

Thank you for your response Dee, Rae and Blue!

I did try to wean off of the Vicodin before I got onto suboxone. I always ended up taking more than I was supposed to and not following through with the taper. It was just too hard for me and I didn't have the self control. I hope it is easier for me with the suboxone.

I was taking 15-20 Vicodin at a time and another 10-15 over the course of the day. I just told Jasmine last night exactly how much I was taking because I wasn't to be completely honest with her.

I know she wasn't upset about the fact that I was taking the Vicodin. She was just upset that I lied to her. When I first broke my hand and was prescribed the Vicodin she told me to take them if I needed to, if the pain was too mic to handle but to be careful with them because she believes that they are dangerous. And I conepletely understand why. I told her I flushed them so that she wouldn't worry. I now wish that I didn't because she had every reason to worry.

The reason I ask how long a person should be on suboxone is because y doctor put me on a plan. A plan that he puts everyone who's drug of choice was Vicodin. It's like he has this criteria and whichever criteria to fit that is what plan to get out on. Like people whose drug of choice was heroin get put on one plane and people whose drug of choice was Vicodin get put on another. I think that is completely wrong!

I believe that I should be able to take my recovery step by step at my own pace! Not the doctors pace! I want my recovery to be like a stroll in the park not a jog. If that makes any sense. You see, a stroll in the park is at my own pace and slow and I have time to work on myself, and the doctor wants me to jog through my recovery. I feel like he is rushing me through it.
Not that I believe recovery is a stroll in the park. I know. Have a long and possibly hard road ahead of me! I jus want to do this at my own pace, like a stroll in the park would be.

Right now I am on the waiting list to get into Jasmone's provider. He is allowing her to do things at her pace and that is what I want. They told me it usually takes about a month to get in. And I can deal with my provider until that time comes. But he wants to starty taper in two months and I'm not sure that I'll be ready in two months. So hopefully, I am praying that Jasmine's provider has an opening very soon!

I don't like the therapist at my providers office either. They for allow you to see a therapist of your choosing. They have 3 therapists at their office and you have to see their therapist. I have met with all 3 and am not comfortable with any of them. I tried my best to be open and honest but I just felt like I was either not being listened to or I was being judged. I even had one of them cut the session short because she said I was not trying hat enough!
Excuse me but I am trying as hard as I can to be open and honest with a complete stranger! I was very hurt and offended!

I just want to be able to choose my therapist and have one that I am comfortable with!

You are right about Jasmine! She is a sweetheart, and I am lucky that she is y sweetheart and I am lucky to have her. She is very supportive and kind. She listens intently and gives support, encouragement and love to the best of her abilities. And I think she is pretty amazing.

We do have out whole lives ahead of us and I am happy to be spending it with her! I am not trying to be all lovey dovey and mushy on your forum so I'll stop! Haha.

I am happy to have support from her and the support from you guys here on the forum! You are doing ad amazing thing here and I admire you for that! Thank to for making the time to be here, all of you. I also wanted to thank you for being there for Jasmine and helping her through her time of need! I know you all are close here!

Jasmine has told me a lot of good things about all of you! Thank you for being here! Again!

Casey

Hello everyone.
Casey, let me start out by saying you did not let me down nor did you fail me. You made some mistakes. But you're only human! I forgiv you!

I know you don't like you're provider. Your doctor isn't the best in my opinion. I hope you get Ito my provider too. That is before your current providr wants you to start your taper at just 2 months into suboxone! I think that is just absurd! You've barely stabilized and he wants to start you're taper!

You've said some things that I have already said. Lol. But I don't think they'll mind!

Love you all!

Much love. Jasmine.

It sounds like you have incredible insight Casey on what YOU need for your successful recovery. Unfortunately, some Doctors do treat us like a statistic. I remember when I was first looking for a sub Dr. One of them wanted me to be in withdrawal for 3 days before I came in for suboxone. I knew I would be in full blown withdrawals within 12 hours. I was taking 180 mgs of oxycodone daily, that's 6 - 30mg oxys a day. I felt withdrawals set in if I didn't take any for more than 2 hours! Anyway, with the help from the lovely ladies on this site, I was given a link to help me find a doctor. I found the perfect doctor for me. I also love my therapist. I just told her the other day that when I come for a session, I feel like i am meeting with a friend for tea. Well, my point is, to hang in there. Like you said, deal with this doctor for now, if he wants to start your taper in 2 months, & Jaz's doctor has a 1 month waiting list, then if things go smoothly, you should be able to switch over without a problem. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Another thing you can try is to make a list of "My Devine Suboxone Doctor" It's a Law of Attraction list. Jaz knows how to do it. But she can't do it for you, it has to be your energy being put into it. It worked for me and if I can help you with it in any way, just ask. I wish you & Jaz the best of love, luck & prosperity in your recovery!

Thank you Rae! It means a lot that you'd cross your fingers for me! Haha that is the only way I knew how to put that!

I do know what I want out of my recovery and I won't accept anything but the best! I want to be successful and make it in my recovery! There is no room in my life for relapse!

Jasmine is a very strong woman and I don't think I'd be in recovery if it wasn't for her! Id probably still be using if I hadn't been a part of her recovery and saw how good life can be without using pills!

I just feel so ashamed that I used behind her back. Her drug of choice at that! I would have had the patience if I was her!

I am so happy to finally meet you! Jasmine has told me wonderful things about you Rae. About all of you!

I'm happy to be here for you! I do want to point out that, even though you feel ashamed for using Jaz's DOC (drug of choice) behind her back, I'm sure she understands. Even the part about lying to her. Its all a part of active addiction. It's that kind of addictive behavior that put us all n the same boat. We've all lied to the ones we love while we are in active addiction. That's how I know that Jaz understands, she's been there as well. So, don't beat yourself up for it. The important thing is you are being honest now & trying to improve your life & relationship with her & for yourself. I'm sure she is very proud of you as are all of us. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your recovery. You are very lucky to have Jaz with you every step of the way. She's always spoke about how much she loves you & it is obvious you feel the same. You two will grow together and be stronger than ever going through this tough time in your lives. I'm not sure if you saw the quote I posted yesterday on a different thread, I'd like you to read it, so I'll type it again here:

"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings..."

You are starting a new chapter in your life. Things will become more clear and try hard not to dwell on the past, you don't want that to hold you back. Guilt is very powerful. I struggle from it daily, but I replace my feelings of guilt with thoughts of today. I feel proud of myself more making this change & saving not only my life, but my loved ones from the pain I could have caused more if I continued to take those pills.

We are here for you........

Have a Happy Tuesday!!!!!!

Hello everyone,
After reading more of your story Casey, I think your really doing well so far. And as far as your therapist cutting the session short because she thought you weren't trying hard enough - well, that's just bullshit !(excuse my words !) I would report her to the higher ups there (AFTER you leave the practice !) In fact, BLAME her for leaving.

I think after what Jasmine has told me about you and what you have said about Jasmine, you two really have a special relationship.
Your truly blessed.

You asked how long should you be on Suboxone.
My answer is to basically listen to your body. It will guide you.
If you start getting tired, you should lower your dose. IF you forget to dose, (Good job Rae !) then you can probably lower your dose. Things like that.
But I also agree, this provider your seeing doesnt seem like a good fit.

Have a great night everyone !

Hello everyone!

Casey, I am not upset with you. And Rae is right! I do understand! Because I have been in that position am when I was in active addiction I lied to you, and stole money from our account. I'm ashamed of what I did, but you forgave me and I was able to forgive myself.
So I'll tell you.. I forgive you hunnie! Please dot dwell on it! Rae is right, it can hold you back!
Please don't beat yourself up! All that matter is today, now! And now you are being honest and doing the right thing! You're doing a great job and I am proud of you! And everyone else on this forum is proud of you too!

Rae and Blue, thank you for supporting the one that I love! It means a lot to me! That you support me and give me strength and now you are doing the same for Casey.
I am proud of all three of you!!!! You are all doing a great job!

Hello and sorry it's been so long, but I work a lot! Jasmine probably already told you that lol.

Blue and Rae thank you for your responses! And thank you too Jasmine it means a lt to know that you don't blame me, hold it against me, and that you forgive me.

I'm sorry I haven't been around much but I see that Jasmine posts enough for the both of us lol!

I'll update you a bit about what is going on with me. I'll try to stick to things Jasmine hasn't already talked about. Haha.

I am currently taking 6mg a day instead of 8mg a day. I dropped my dose 1mg and then 2 days later another 1mg. I'm tryin to find my lowest comfortable dose. I know something I've learned about suboxone from Jaz is less is more! Haha. I'm probably going to stic with the 6mg for now. I'm comfortable and afraid of not being comfortable at 5mg. I don't want to feel ANY withdrawal at all!

Thank you Blue for saying I'm doing good in my recovery. I'd like to think that I am as well. You're right about lostening to my body, that's exactly what I've been doing.

Rae, thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement!

You two are so nice and so accepting! I am so happy to e a part of it!

Oh I almost forgot to tell you!! I have GREAT news! I got into the same place as Jasmie now. I have a nice therapist and a nice doctor who won't put a limit on my recovery.

Does anybody think its weird that me and Jasmine have the same therapist?