New to the forum

Hi, i'm SlyFox. I've been an addict for 14 years and an opiate addict for about the last 8 years now.I've been on sub for 4 1/2 years. The first year and half I did really well. But I eventually went through a very painful break up and started using again, not full time but switching back and forth between heroin and sub. I really want to get better, but it seems every other payday(the one after all my bills are paid), I can't stop myself from scoring. I got involved in NA about a year ago and have done the campouts/breakfasts/dodgeball/volleyball. I don''t yet have a sponsor pretty much because I feel it's just one more person I will have to lie to or let down. Sub has definately helped me lead a more normal life, I have a good job in the law/IT industry and pay all my bills. I no longer use IV or do any other drugs. The only time I have real cravings is when I have the money and feel I can get away with it. I feel dope is my safety net or sheild from pain and it feels impossible to stop completely. I hope I'm not out of place here, I'm just trying to be honest. If you have any suggestions please let me know.

Hello SlyFox and welcome to the forum, I totally appreciate you coming here and being honest. I think that, alone, is a big step.

What dose of Suboxone are you at now? And what Dose did you start at ?
Maybe your not taking the right dose for you. At the right dose, it's suppose to take away
your urges as well as your withdrawal. Does it do that for you ?

I think since you've been on it for almost 5 years you've figured out how to beat the drug
at it's own job so to speak.
What I guess I mean is you must know when to stop your Suboxone and when to start the H and then do it all again backwards.

I would think it's more trouble than it's worth. Is it ?

I mean, are you enjoying getting high? Or are you upset and angry when you do it ?

Does this happen every week, or month? How often ?

Sorry for all the questions. I'm trying to see where your head is at with all this, so I can try and help - and i really do want to help you get through this !

Take care
Blue

Good morning slyfox,
I believe the first thing you need to ask yourself is "Why do you keep those phone numbers" The ones you know you can call anytime to hook up. Get rid of them completely. You have no use for them, not if you want to break free.
They say we have to change everything, our people, places and things. I believe that is true. Walking down a certain street can trigger some people into craving then lead them to using, so walk a different route.
Extra money seems to be a part of your trigger. Try to think of something else to do with that money. One way of eliminating that money from your hand is to not put it there to begin with. If you have a savings account, you can have your employer direct deposit it into that account. Don't touch it. Leave it there for something special. Say like a vacation that you have always wanted to take or new furniture for your home. A day at the spa etc.

Taking a look at your current dose is a good idea. It may be that it is too low for now. You can talk to your doctor about an increase for the time being, tell them your having cravings.
Are you still active in NA or attend meetings? Feel free to come here and talk to us, we are here for you. I know it must have been hard to come and tell us about what is going on and I applaud your courage, it isn't easy I know.

You already know that Heroin isn't the answer and it will be your downfall if you don't do something. Think about what has been said.
Take care,
Dee

Hey SlyFox,

Just checking in with you.

Hope your doing OK. We are here if you need to talk.


Take Care