its been way too long

hi everyone. i havent been here in like 7 months i think. im sorry for that. lifes been really good to me since then. im now on 1/4 strip a day 5 days a week! im skipping mondays and fridays and in about a week or two im going to add wednesday in there. im no longer babysitting kids because i wanted to start dosing down. at least i have family and friends who understand that. sometimes on my skip days i freak out over little things and get upset with kids easy. which makes me feel like the worst mother ever. that was when i first started skipping days. its been about 4 or 5 months of skipping two days a week. at first i didnt want to do anything but stay in bed and i did sometimes. now on skip days im up doing things and even getting out of the house! i never could do that before. my dr tells me to look at myself in mirror and tell myself im proud of you, keep up good work, etc. its still hard to do that. i do feel awesome at times. but then i start thinking ive been on this for 2 years now hurry up and get over it. its easy to beat yourself down but extremely hard to build yourself back up. i think im getting there. i am proud of myself and my accomplishments so far. its not much but its mine and im grateful for it all. the good and bad. ill try to keep in touch again. thanks for listening.

You SHOULD be proud of yourself, and your accomplishments !!!!
Being grateful is so very important to our recovery and I'm so happy that you mentioned that.
It's so good to hear from you, btw.....
Your taper sounds like it's going great.
Just go slow and things will progress nicely. I understand you, at times, feeling like "the worse mother ever" I think we
have ALL felt that way. But we are doing the best that we can, and at least, now, we are doing it, drug FREE !!!!

Keep us posted please, we would love to hear how your doing.

Be Well,
Blue

Your doctor is right. You should look in the mirror and be very proud of yourself. You have come a long way baby as the saying goes.
And it's like Blue just said, we all DO have those days when we feel like the worst mother ever and it is important to remember it wouldn't be normal not to have those feelings. You have feelings now and are able to feel those emotions. No matter how bad they suck, you are having feelings which is way better than being numb.

Each person's recovery is different and needs to be tailored to that one person. You are doing great and I have a feeling you are going to continue.
We are so proud of you. It is always good to hear something positive from our members/family.
Please stay in touch.
Much love,
Dee

so another check in here. last week i started skipping wednesdays and so far so good. last week was the best i felt in years. my house is cleaner my kids and hubby are happier. im happier. i felt high on life as weird as it sounds. im not numb to anything anymore. this also might sound weird but for the past few months ive been making mine and my kids beds everyday. ive never done it before and never really cared before about it. not all days but most it makes me feel good. no matter how many toys are scattered everywhere and crumbs you feel on your feet (ew), making those beds makes me feel good not only about myself but my addiction. it made me realize that just doing that small of a task to make myself feel better was worth it. my kids love it because they can see all their pillows and stuffed toys, until they decide its been nice looking long enough.i dont know how to describe it. i just felt like i was doing something for myself and not others. something so small as making three beds almost everyday. how bonkers does that sound? so thats how ive been for now. sorry i rambled.

I don't think you were rambling at all and yes I do know what you mean. It is a great feeling to be able to do something because you want to do it and it makes you feel good. Like a clean fresh feeling.
I am so happy to hear that you are doing so well.
Everyone has to work their own recovery their own way and it sounds like you have found your way. Keep it up, your doing GREAT!!

We moved not too long ago, not too far from where we were. Just a few houses down in fact. But I couldn't stand being in that place any longer. The landlord was scum and didn't care about anything except the money he was bringing in. This place we have now is smaller but we all love it. It is just my husband and my son. We are happy.
Today my neighbor and I got out and started the yard work in the backyard. It was a mess but it felt so good to be out there doing what we wanted to do. Next will be to plant flower beds. It is exciting.
Let's hear from you again soon when you have a minute to drop by.
Much love to you,
Dee