My Nephew headed for trouble

Subject: My Nephew headed for trouble Mon 27 Apr 2009, 10:42 am

Good Morning everyone,
I need some input from all of you if you don't mind. I have a nephew that will be 16 in August.
He is starting to have some problems at home and school. I know that he does smoke pot. How do I know that? He smokes it with his mother. Yes his mother.
He has no discipline at home, no attention. He started out as a good enough child, then when he turned eight he started having behaviour problems. He would become angry at the drop of a hat, he was fighting in school etc, soon he was sent to an alternative school where he was evaluated by the student psychiatrist who put him on medication. I never knew all of what he was diagnosed with but he was on several medications, Effexor, Lithium, and a couple of others that I really don't remember.
After spending 6 years at this school and on these medications he started to improve. He was a model student, he was eventually taken off of the medication. He was taken off of the medication because he refused to take it any more, he didn't like the way is was making him feel.
The doctor and his mother agreed that if he would continue to improve both in school and at home he would stay off all medications. He then went on to High School in a regular Public School. His first year, ( last year) He did really well, high grades most of them being A's. He discovered Culinary Arts and applied to the Technical School for their program next year. He was even accepted into the work/school program this past fall and winter.

I have to add that he is the apple of my eye other than my son Kris. When my nephew was going through his problems he would come to me and talk to me about what was going on in his life, and how he felt about things. I would listen and he would talk.
His mother has never given him any type of positive attention because he is a son. That's it. She also has one more son. But because they are boys she does not like them. She has even told her son this. She has three daughter that get doted on all of the time.
My nephew would come over to our house every Friday and spend the night. Often he would ask me about my past and we would talk about drugs and how much harm they can and will do to you.
As I said earlier he started smoking pot. He started last Summer. He smokes with his mom, he buys it for his mom. So she approves completely of it's use.
Last month he started hanging out with another teen, he quit coming over to the house. And I've told him that if he is high he couldn't come over anyway. He knows I don't want it in my home.
He went back to being disrespectful to other family members. But not to me, with me, he shows respect, but at the same time I feel like it is all a con game to him. I feel like he thinks I'm stupid that I don't know what is going on with him.
He is skipping school, staying out all night on going home in the mornings to shower then he is gone again.
I'm afraid to think of what else he is doing that I don't know about. His mother even thinks he is sleeping with his friends mother.
I am afraid, and I don't know how to deal with this. I'm not his mother, I'm not even a blood relative. He is my nephew by marriage. But he is still in my heart my family. I love him like a son. He knows this and I've told him several times.
He came over this morning when he should have been in school. I asked why he was not in school. He said he missed the bus and was waiting to take the city bus.
I asked him what was going on with him he ignored my question. I asked him what was up with his not going to school most of the time. He told me that he was planning on going to the adult school program next year when he is 16, I asked him about the Culinary Arts Program he applied to. He then told me that he was not accepted. That blew me away. last week I asked him about it and he did he would know about the decision until the middle of May.
I told him that if he kept it up he was headed to jail or worse. I told him I didn't want to have to go and identify his body at the scene of an accident caused from his friend driving under the influence. His friend has no license either.
He just blew it off and said, I love you nanna.
I'm at a loss here. I love this kid so much. It tears me apart to see him headed in this direction.
I may be wrong, I hope and pray that I am.
I apologize for this post being so long in length. And I thank all of you for listening/reading. I had to get it out. I can't hold this inside of me.
Any input would be most welcome.
Yours In Recovery,
Dee

Subject: Re: My Nephew headed for trouble Mon 27 Apr 2009, 4:55 pm

Hi Dee,

I know you mostly needed to vent and tell what was going on to another human being. You and I both know all we can do is suggest and lead by example. his fate is in his own hands. We can pray, hide and watch. It's good you told him not to come over stoned. I know it's hard to turn him away, but you are turning him over to a higher power. Hopefully he won't take it to the limit and let years go by before he wants to change. Culinary Arts is a high pressure job and very rewarding. Let him know you are there for him if he wants to do better, but you are not if he wants to self distruct.

I love you, baby. When you hurt, I hurt. I have a nephew like him too...Robert is my sisters' son. I'm going to invite him to my Moms' birthday/Mothers Day party. It's a shame, but everybody hides their purse when he's around. I have to let him go and be there if he wants to change.

I hope this has helped a bit. You just stand by being the angel you are.

Love, Barbara

Subject: Re: My Nephew headed for trouble Sun 03 May 2009, 12:46 am

Hi,

I just wanted to add I saw a sticker in a guys rear window of his car, "In loving memory of my nephew, Jason." I thought, "There's one nephew who didn't make it." As long as he is alive, he has a chance to change and get well. I'll be in prayer for him.

Love, Barbara

Subject: Re: My Nephew headed for trouble Sun 03 May 2009, 5:59 pm

Thank you for your prayers Barbara,
I haven't had a chance to see my nephew lately as he knows not to come to the house when he is high. I did talk to his mother though and she said that he is still staying out all night.
All I can do now is wait, it's hard. I realize that I can't fix everything or everyone. That is one of my problems.
Thanks again for the prayers,
Dee

Subject: Re: My Nephew headed for trouble Tue 05 May 2009, 10:11 pm

Hi Dee,

You do your best for everyone around, this is what I love about you...one of the reasons. I just thought of the nursery saying..."left them alone and they'll come home, wagging their tails behind them." I love you dear sister. I'm doing better. Today was one of those test when you think you need to have, but don't. I'll be stronger for enduring and sticking to my program.

I'll be back later on. I'm going to rest in front of the television. I've been cleaning all day. Inside and out. I'm having a party for my Mom on Mother's Day. There will be about forty people here.

Love,
Barbara

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