Beth's Story

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Mon 06 Dec 2010, 2:04 pm

Good afternoon everyone!

Happy Monday to you all!! I hope that this post finds you feeling well & confident in your recovery! Recently, I have been going through & reading many of my past posts that I wrote at this time last year & even the year before that. It's pretty amazing the different woman I see in the mirror today than compared to who I saw in the mirror going on three years ago now. What a difference the time has made & the changes that I have made within that time period! I am in awe!
In my reading, I saw this post that Dee had written last year in the winter time about "Rating Your Provider" and saw that I had never responded to it. In fact, none of us did. Crying or Very sad

Today that kind of rubbed me tho wrong way because I want to tell you about my history with finding a GOOD Provider just compared to someone who has the RX ability to write out Suboxone. I have been on Suboxone for a little more than 2 1/2 years now & have now gone to 6 different Providers (one who didn't even know that you had to be certified to write it out any differently than any other medication- he did indeed write it & when I got to the pharmacy, they had to explain to me that he was not even a Provider! Then the next call he had to make was to that doctor to let him know that he had to go get 10 extra CE courses, THEN he was able to do so, but until then, it was against the law for him to write prescriptions for Suboxone. Anyways, I went through pure hell with trying to find a good Provider that I could afford, as I had no insurance & any of you on Suboxone know just how expensive it is to have to pay for out of your pocket. I was really getting to the point of pure frustration because I was miserable, even though I was on the Suboxone, these doctors wanted to continue to put me on all sorts of different psych meds as well. They about had me comatose for a month or so before I just told my doctor that I wouldn't take it anymore. And she would use the Suboxone over my head, if I wanted my script for that, then I needed to take the other one as well. She also made us see a counselor within her office & I specifically asked for a woman, yet she put me with the ONLY man counselor there!!! So, last year as I was driving home from an appointment with my then current Provider & I was crying to my Mom on the phone about how I was never going to make it through this & she told me that she heard that our town's Barber has a son who is a Psychiatrist, but that he practiced about an hour or a bit more away from where I live, yet at that point it didn't matter anymore. Here I had gone to high school with his younger brother, as it turned out. So, I didn't even go home. I went directly to the Barber Shop & asked "Matt the Cat" if I could speak to him when he was through with his customer. He was thrilled that I had come to him about this issue & how big of a person I must be to stand before him & tell him these things that he immediately gave me his son's cell phone number & hugged onto me so tight as he slugged down his second beer within the time of our conversation. He held it up & he said, "None of us are perfect, be proud that your able to do something about it..." I have been seeing his son, my Provider now since last February & he has in the meantime moved to an even further location that takes me nearly 3 hours ONE WAY to get there, so 6 TOTAL HOURS of drive time to see him, but he has been nothing short of a God send for me. We keep in contact by email quite a bit & he allows me to do my counseling in the same place that I had been going & really felt comfortable there. I can really say that he is a perfectionist & responds very quickly to any issue that I may happen to have. Hr treats me very respectfully & is confident in my recovery, thus making me even the more stable with where I truly have come in my recovery. Obviously, I must like him to drive 6 hours to see him, as well as him helping me to get onto the RX Assistance Program through Reckitt-Benckiser (the makers of Suboxone) so that I don't have to pay that outrageous cost out of my pocket any longer. I just thank God every time that I think about it that this man was put into my path the day that I felt like I couldn't go on any longer as I was at that time.
My Provider rating is a Five Star! Like a Star @ heaven

Sorry that I didn't get back to you MUCH more quickly on this one Dee!! It is a very important topic that I cannot believe that we did not discuss it more fully in depth at that time & apologize for not talking about how many NOT SO GOOD Providers that you will also come across while looking for the "ONE!" But I am here to tell you if you haven't found the right "fit" for you yet, please do NOT ever give up- there is the one that you need out there, but you have to do the work of looking. Yet, I can promise you that once you do find the right doctor for you, the entire journey gets so very much easier. Good luck & I hope to hear some responses about any of your doctors & how are you treated by your own doctor? "Inquiring minds want to know!!"

Yours throughout this journey,
Beth I love you

**I am sorry about my spelling errors, as I have 2 sick kids here who are at my feet & crying their little hearts out BC they are miserable & just want Mom! But I think that you can probably still read it okay! I hope so anyways- sorry again!!**

Subject: Beth's Story Tue 07 Dec 2010, 1:01 am

Thank you for sharing Beth.
I know that you are busy taking care of the kiddos and it's hard for you to get a minute to yourself let alone get some time in on the computer. I'm sorry to hear they aren't feeling well.
I remember well the problems you had trying to find not only a provider but a good one at that. I also remember telling you to "hang in there" that everything would work out. It must have seemed like an eternity to you back then.
It is hard to find a good provider and it shouldn't be like that. Doctors aren't what they used to be that's for sure. Now days it seems like the good ones aren't taking any new patients and when it comes to finding Suboxone Providers it's even harder.
But you stuck it out and instead of giving up, you did what you do best. You hung in and gave it your best shot.

Everyday I get emails from patients that are looking for providers and that is why I created this post in the first place, to help those who may in a situation where they don't know where to turn or what to do. Sharing our experiences tells others they are not alone and they are not the only ones going through crap.

I want to encourage everyone, even it you don't think it makes a difference. If you have something you want to share about your Suboxone Provider, please do. You never know who your post might help.
Thanks again Beth,
~nannamom

Subject: My Provider Wed 11 May 2011, 11:54 am

I have something interesting or maybe a lil crazy to say the least.
I think I may have to get a new Dr. before it's all over with.

I had my appt. this morning with my Sub Dr. First the nurse who told me she couldn't help with the Ins. and I had to find a way to pay for it was there. She said to me,she got a notice from Humana saying I was approved and seemed surprised. I was a bit sarcastic and said,yes I had to fight them on MY OWN.
Then the Dr. comes in with my script printed out before I even talked to him. I told him I felt sometimes that I needed to take a extra dose or half of a dose. He said he would do that next month. He couldn't do it now b/c he would have to reset the computer. I was a big stunned.

On my way home I got to thinking about it and thought this is BS. I won't need the extra dose next month. So,I called the office and told her that and she said she would tell the Dr. Now,I don't know if they will even call back. I don't want to fill this script till I hear back. I have enough for a few days.

I just think I'm surrounded with crazy.

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Wed 11 May 2011, 7:49 pm

Not crazy... Just lazy people.
Your doctor is wrong. Or maybe just lying to you. How hard is it to type on computer keys?
I saw my provider this week. And she did just like she does every time I see her for my medication.
She typed it in "on the computer" while I was sitting there with her. AFTER she asked me how I was doing and how I was doing on my Suboxone.
Never has she walked into the room with my prescription already filled out.
A doctor cannot know how you are doing UNTIL they see you.

I'm sure that some providers who read the forum will be upset with me and all that I say and that is okay because I really don't care. I know that I haven't said anything wrong and only the truth.
(I feel the need to say this because I once had a provider come on here and let me know they didn't appreciate what I had said)

So Marie, I can't wait to see if they take care of your Rx now or wait. In the meantime, I am still so happy for you on your approval. To heck with that nurse. Of course she was suprised. She didn't think you could do it on your own. Razz

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Wed 11 May 2011, 10:10 pm

Hey Dee,
A part of this post may show up somewhere. I hit the wrong button.

I saw that he was doing the same thing with the rest of his pts. This place is crowded and they start with appts. at 5:30 am..I think something could be a lil hinky with them.
So what he must do is maybe print out the RX's the day before b/c he doesn't even come in with my chart.
How can he possibly know what his pt. needs before he sees them?
I think I'm going to have to find me another Dr. It's just not easy to find one to take my Ins. but I think I'm going to have to search for one.

As far as a Dr. to come on then maybe they can learn something from us. We don't make this crap up. Some really care and others are there for the money and I stand by that.

I also have to wonder how many ppl are paying for for there meds b/c they were denied and the office staff would not help them? I know,I'm not the only one that was up against that.

Another lil hinky for me was a cop walked in and I saw several ppl say,Oh hell. He didn't sit there long and he ended up in another room. I guess he knew he was making some of them nervous. I didn't think much of it till I saw the reaction in others.

It will be interesting if they call me back. Now,you know I'll call them back. they'll probably throw me out the program b/c I stand up to them way too much. I wouldn't call if they would do there darn job. I don't enjoy fussin all the time. In fact,it's exhausting. I didn't go thru this much trouble trying to get the pain meds....Geez.
Enough to make a person crazier than they already are.

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Thu 12 May 2011, 12:40 am

Marie
is this doctor a regular primary care provider or just a Suboxone Provider? The way you describe the office; opening up at 5:30 am sounds like a clinic. Kind of like a Methadone clinic and if that is what it is that would explain the pre prepared dose of Suboxone. Except at a Methadone clinic you dose there unless you get take homes and they are made up there.
This doctor is sounding more and more like a herder. Herd them in and herd them out. No caring about the patient and only the $$ that he can rake in.
I guess they are everywhere it just sucks that you have found one of them.
There are plenty of good providers out there but they are hard to find as they are usually the ones that don't advertise.

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Thu 12 May 2011, 1:18 pm

I called back this morning about increasing my dosage,AGAIN. She said he had 90 pts. to see today. Now,I'm really convinced he is a herder. Which,by the way I like that name and it fits perfect.
There is no way he can "treat" his pts. with that kind of pt. flow. It explains alot of things I've been thinking. I tied up with a quack.
I didn't see anyone getting there daily dosage like a Methadone clinic but it sure does look like this is what it is. I know he is big into being a pain mgmt. Dr.

I guess i'll have to change Dr.'s. I've been dealing with one thing after another with this Dr. and I'm pretty tired of it. I want someone I go to once a month and that's it. no more BS after i leave.

My daug. is coming to visit from Ga. next Thursday and I want all this resolved so I can enjoy my visit with her.

This is just exhausting.

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Thu 12 May 2011, 2:43 pm

Now THAT is a load of crap. The patient limit for Certified Providers is 100. So is she saying he is seeing all but 10 of those patients today?? No wonder he opens up at 5:30am. That is the time that most farmers "start to milk" their cows too.
Where in GA is your daughter coming from. It's plenty hot down that way right now. I have family in Alabama and they say it is horrible. I miss the south but not the humidity, I think I've said that before in another post. lol

But with you being in LA I imagine you are just as hot if not hotter. Here in Vermont it is 67 today so far. I went for a walk earlier and was complaining about how hot it was. I think I'll keep it to myself.
How many Suboxone are you taking per day right now? Once a day or throughout the day. I know you have told me before I am too lazy to look at the other posts. If anything I am honest when I say I'm lazy.
With all of the trouble you have had with this one provider I doubt he will change that prescription. You might have to fill it while you can. Do you have a time limit in your state for filling opiate prescriptions from the date it is written. We have 72 hours, after that it is obsolete and we cannot fill it.
If you don't know you might want to call the pharmacy and find out. I know this is going to sound opposite from what I have said in the past, please be careful. I don't want to see you get kicked out of that practice before you have a chance to find another one. It's one thing to challenge the Insurance Company and another to challenge a doctor.
I just don't want anything to happen. You will have your day. Time for me to get a little nap in. Since going to the ER the other day I seem to get tired easy these days.
I will check in this evening.

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Thu 12 May 2011, 3:46 pm

Hello Marie!

My name is Beth & I have been reading about your ongoing situation with your Provider, which personally just absolutely disgusts me. I have gone through your situation with attempting to find a good provider who actually cares about their patients & not just the money that can be made by this lucrative new medication that they have found to prescribe. 90 patients per day?? That seems to sound like a "pill mill" if you ask me... or as you & Dee worded it, a "herder!" Especially when his primary care is for pain management & he has a police officer sitting within his office?? If he was legit, why would it be making other patients nervous to be waiting within his office? Do you know off hand if most patients seeing him are in fact insured or is it more of a cash basis only type deal? That could be why their office staff was so unwilling to go to the "extra lengths" to help you get Humana to pay for your costs. They could just be used to dealing with a cash only situation.
Also, what other doctors do you know of that begin their office hours at 5am? I hate to say that I agree with you about "hooking up with a quack" when I don't even know the doctor, but I have come across TOO MANY just like this one sounds like & it hit the nail directly on the head! I have gone through way too many Providers who just don't care & it is so very sad that it truly is MUCH easier to obtain pain meds than it is to get your Suboxone to curb this awful disease of addiction. I have my own personal opinion that if a doctor has the capability from the DEA to write narcotics, then it should be mandatory for these same doctors to take the mere 8 hour CE course to be able to write for the Suboxone. I believe that it could stop many narcotic dependant people from becoming full blown addicts. The doctors are happy to write out the scripts for narcotics, but then when the time comes that the patient becomes dependant upon this medication, the doctor suddenly has to dismiss them as a patient... too much liability?!? Yet, where does that leave the patient? Still hooked upon the drug that the doctor will no longer prescribe them, thus leaving the patient in a quandry of "needing" this medication & NOW has to go about addictive actions to obtain it? It really frustrates me because it does NOT have to be that way!! If the doctor that wrote the narcotics in the first place was forced to have the licensure to write Suboxone, then when the patient explained to the doctor that they are becoming addicted to the narcotic, the doctor would then have the option of NOT dismissing the patient, but actually helping them from becoming an active addict by then prescribing the Suboxone & HELPING THEM (oath to do no harm?) to get through this situation that was caused by their prescriptions in the first place. Am I even making sense? This type of situation just truly makes my blood pressure boil, as I have gone through it too many times.
Okay, now that I have ranted & raved about my own personal opinions, I would say that I have to agree with your statement about trying to locate a new provider. One who listens to your symptoms & issues before walking into the room with a pre-written prescription. One who will take the time to listen to what you are dealing with by being on this new medication & how it is affecting YOU- the patient!! Unfortunately, as you probably already know, it is quite difficult to locate a provider (especially a good one!) & until you are able to do so, you will probably continue to have to jump through his"hoops" until you are able to find "the ONE!" Sad to say, but "good luck to you" throughout this ordeal because you most likely will have to deal with this doctors BS until you can locate a new one, as you still need your script for your Suboxone. And even sadder to say, these doctors KNOW this & have you over a barrel because what are you going to do about it until you can locate a better provider? I just want to let you know that there are good doctors out there & though they may be difficult to find, persistence pays! As you have already proven with your determination with the situation with your insurance company.

Just try to "keep on keeping on!!"

Please keep me posted as to how things are working out for you & I will certainly keep you in my thoughts for success to come your way & the sooner, the better!!

Your Friend in Recovery,
~Beth I love you

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Thu 12 May 2011, 7:21 pm

[b][i]

Hi Beth
I've read some of your post as well and it's nice meeting you.

Girl,I agree with all you have said. I called the office back today asking if they talked to the Dr. about increasing my meds for THIS month. She said he was gone and no way they could do anything about it till next month. I've never heard of such crap.
I have Lupus and severe osteoporsis and I can tell you I've seen many Dr.'s thru the years and this just screams trouble.
Like you said,what Dr. sees pts. at 5am? I've never ever seen that before.

I will have to look for another Dr. no doubt about it. I just hate starting all over since the crap I've gone thru with the Ins. and his office as well.
However,I don't want to take the chance of one day going there and the office is closed up.
Also,if I need something from him I won't be able to get it.

Thanks for your input I really appreciate it.

Subject: My Provider Thu 12 May 2011, 7:39 pm

[i][b]

Hey Dee,
I'm just going to let it go for this month.
I talked to the nurse and she said nothing can be done till next month. I need to let it go before they gert ticked off at me. You right,fighting the Ins is one thing but doing it with this kind of Dr. could get my butt thrown out. I'll deal with it after my daug. leaves. The thing I don't understand is why would he increase my dosage next month? Hopefully I'll be better stabilized by then and won't need.

I'm on 24 mgs a day. After I got to thinking about it I think my body just needs to adjust. I took so much opiates that I need to just let my body get use to this.
Last time I was on Suboxone I was on 32mgs and I notice the difference but I'm just going to let it go and deal with it. I have posted a sticky on my bathroom mirror saying "Less is More".

My daug. is on the outskirts of Atl.,Ga in Gwinett County. There is a good chance she is going to move back for good in the summer. I would love to have her do that.

Girl,it's so darn hot here it's miserable already. I'd love to have temps in the 60's. I've never liked the summer here. The humidity is terrible. When I have to go out I do it in the morning or late in the evening.

What did you have to go to the ER for? I hope you okay.

Please let me know how you doing.

Hugs,
Marie

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Fri 13 May 2011, 10:07 am

Marie,
I was taken to the ER this past Monday. I have a history of heart problems with two heart attacks in 2008.
This week I was under a lot of stress with the in laws and I let everything build up. My counselor describes my inlaws like this:

I am a lion with a thousand ticks sucking the life out of me. I've had problems with them for a long time. I've set boundaries but sometimes it is hard for me to stick to them when they call for help.
I am feeling somewhat better and am getting rest.
I'll be okay.. A tough old bird.

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Fri 13 May 2011, 10:12 am

When you are ready to look for a new provider, we will help you if you need it.
Until then, enjoy your daughter. It would be great if she could be there with you over the summer.
your right about the less is more.
Funny how that works.

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Fri 13 May 2011, 12:30 pm

[b][i]
Oh Dee,please take care of yourself. Family is the worse stress. To have my in laws bring stress would be awful. I made a decision to stay out of my kids business so there is no stress for them with there spouses and believe me my daug.in law is a piece of work. I try to stay our of her and my son's business. Now,if they bring into my house then they've brought me into it and I really don't want to be in that position.

I had a mother in law from hell when I was married earlier in my life. I swear she was evil and she loved every bit of it. It then brought trouble for both myself and ex husband.
I try really hard to stay stress free and as you know it's not alwasy easy. Like I said,family is the worse.

I'am going to look for a new Dr. I just feel I need a break from all the stress for a couple of weeks.
I have someone from another f orum who told me about a site ratemds.com it's a site I assume that you go and rate your Dr. I've not done it yet but will after I finish writing here. My rates for my Dr. will not be pretty. It's amazing how much info is out there since the last time I was on Suboxone.

I hope you feel better today.

Hugs
Marie

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Fri 13 May 2011, 5:50 pm

[b][i]
Well,well,well
I went to the ratemd.com and guess whos name was in there? Yep,the one and only. A few said nice things about him,however,those were comments 1 1/2yrs ago. One from last month didn't have nice things to say and even commented on the staff not being helpful. I had no idea that site even existed but it's great to know before you go see a Dr. I'd like to get that site out as much as possible just so others can look up and see if there are any comments on a Dr. BEFORE they go.

You know,I've had Lupus for 23yrs now and I've seen MANY Dr.'s. I find the first 5 yrs with a Dr. is all good after that they seem to take a nose dive. I'm not saying all of them but many.
I think the Dr. I have now is on overload with pts. As we've said before,who can see 90pts in one day and really give good pt.care? I don't think many if any.

I just thought I'd drop that lil tid bit off and hopefully others can go and check there Dr.'s out.

I hope you having a great day.

Marie

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Fri 13 May 2011, 6:23 pm

Marie, rating the doctor is a good idea. To warn others about the practice would be a good step.
I usually do try and stay stress free. There was a time when everyone was coming at me from both sides.
I had one sister in law who would be talking about a problem and the next thing I would know I had volunteered to take on the world for her. Not the world but it felt like it.

I talked to my counselor back then and he helped me to set up boundaries. He taught me how to kind of be like a cheerleader for her. Help her more by suggesting things she could try to help herself.
After awhile she stopped asking.
I have a very hard time saying no even when I know it's not good for me to be involved. Today it got to the point that I have shut the phone off.

I need to reset my boundaries and stick to them. No ifs ands or butts about it.
When I opened my email this morning there was one about setting boundaries. It's funny how so often the daily meditations and readings seem to fit into my circumstances.

I do feel better, my son will be 18 this Sunday and I am looking forward to spending the day with him. Thanks for listening. I don't mean to complain as my life is actually going very well as compared to so many other people. I have been blessed since going into recovery.
I never imagined myself actually not spending the day looking for pills or heading to the doctors office.

Enjoy your weekend and get some rest. You have worked very hard these last few weeks/months and deserve some time for you.
Take care

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Sun 15 May 2011, 3:32 pm

Hello Dee & Marie!!

I came onto here today to post a "thought of the day" & was looking at the portal of the most recent posts & realized that the last 2 (at least) posts that I have written are not on here??

One was written to Marie responding to her return post to me & the second one that I know that I had written was one to let you know that I was hoping that you are feeling better... I have checked my drafts box & of course, they are not there. Apparently, they have been lost in cyberspace somewhere along the way... confused

Anyways, I decided to go ahead & re-write some of what I had previously written, but after reading the dialogue between you & Marie, most of my questions for her have been answered. That doctor sounds like someone to hold onto only until she is able to find a better provider that can actually take the time to help her out. I am glad that she is looking for a new, better doctor after seeing all of those warning signs.

As for what I had written to you, I mainly just wanted to know how you have been feeling & if you are getting along any better?? I know how that family of yours has the capability of getting you all fired up & stressed out, especially when you are sick. It seems that anytime that you come down with any type of illness, someone else within your family "suddenly falls ill" with something much, much worse through their eyes & feels the need to call you about it to try to be their caretaker when you need one the very most at the time. Just calling it like I see it- sorry if it sounded too blunt. Have you had any further tests on your heart? What does your doctor think of the entire situation? Does this have anything to do with your other health issues? (your lung complications?) What is the plan for making you well again, my friend? Or is it merely time? Does it just need to simply "run its course" or is it more serious than that? I realize that I am bombarding you with questions, but am just curious as to how you are getting along these days. I certainly hope that you are starting to feel better! AND...

I know that today is Kristopher's b-day & a BIG one at that!! Is it hard for you to believe that your baby has turned 18 today? An adult already!! It's hard to believe that we have known each other for this long, as it just seems like he was excited about getting his drivers license not too long ago! Time just flies by, doesn't it? Kayli is now just able to get to her temps to drive, but she doesn't seem too gung-ho about making it happen right away. (which is obviously fine with me! Wink

) Anyways, I was thinking about you & where you were 18 years ago today... Idea

You probably remember every little detail! I know that on each one of my kiddos b-days, it certainly brings back many special thoughts that I am glad to have "stored" within my memory of those wonderful moments that God has chosen to bless us with having!! Please wish Kris a very "Happy Birthday" from me!!! jocolor

I would love to hear what he is up to these days! As well as needing to update you on what has been going on with Kayli recently also.. Another post for another day! scratch

Hope all is getting better with you & that you are able to celebrate a very special day with your precious son! Like a Star @ heaven

Talk with you more soon!

Love,
Beth I love you

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Sun 15 May 2011, 9:58 pm

Beth
I thought I saw them here the other day. I will take a look and if I find them I will post a link. Hmmm wonder what's up with that.

It is always ok for you to be blunt. And the family, yes although you haven't met them, you know them very well.
As usual one of the sisters in law is ill.

I can't believe that Kris my baby boy is 18. I am happy for him and a little sad as well. I miss him and he hasn't gone anywhere. The day will come that he will be off on his own and I will be lost.
So let me go see if I can find your posts.

Subject: Re: Beth's Story Sun 15 May 2011, 10:03 pm

Beth
Look on the first page of this topic. "My Provider" We are currently on page two. The portal only shows the latest post and I was the last one to post so that is why you don't see yours. But I believe this may be what you are looking for. Look at either the top or bottom of this page and check for the page numbers.
Good luck Flutterbye.

» Everyone has a story to tell
» My Story / My Struggle
» A story to share
» One Womans Story
» My story (New & need help/advice)