Hi. I don't even know where to start. I feel like I'm drowning & don't know what to do. I am a stay at home "soccer mom" of 3 wonderful boys. I have a husband whom I am so thankful for & love so very much. My family is extremely close...I have two sisters who are my best friends, & the best mom in the world. My dad was my hero, which is where some of this nightmare begins. My fairytale world & storybook family was shattered 3 years ago when my dad unexpectedly passed away. It was a shock to all of us. My parents had been together since they were teenagers. He was only 61 when he died. I hate to use his death as an excuse to get hooked on pain pills, as I knew for a while before then that I "enjoyed" them recreationally, but between me having major surgery before my dad's death & the shock of his death....well, I quickly became hooked. For a little over 3 years now, I have become a slave to pain meds. At first, it was great. They numbed me. But as you all know, over time, you have to take more & more as your tolerance builds. & now, I have to have them just to function! The withdrawls are horrid. I'm drained...physically, mentally, & financially. And the kicker...my family (none of them!) have any idea. I am in this alone. Well, I take that back...a friend of mine (who is in the same boat) knows. I only have her to talk to. I am causing such financial stress on my marriage as I spend every penny we have on pills. My poor husband....I feel so guilty. He just thinks I spend mindlessly. I know exactly where all of our money has gone, yet I can't tell him. To tell anyone in my family the truth would destroy them. I'm just so tired of it all. I've been "absent" from my life for over 3 years & it's killing me. I'm just so terrified of going without those damn pills. My friend is the one who told me about suboxone as she's looking into it as well. I found this forum, so here I am. After reading some of your posts the other day, for the 1st time in a long time, I actually felt hope. & started to get excited about getting my life back. I just don't even know where to begin this journey, though. What do I need to do? Obviously find a doctor in my area. Is it expensive? We have insurance, but am terrified of my husband finding out as he's the cardholder. Also, how often do you have to see the doctor? How often do you take the suboxone & for how long? Anything you can tell me will be helpful. I'm clueless! I'm just desperate. Sick of waking up every morning feeling like hell. & sick of being on edge, trying to scrounge up more money to get more pills. The panic when I'm running low or am out. Just sick of it all. Please help me! Thanks for listening.
Brandy
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