Hello Everyone,
I'm still doing good today. The withdrawals are in check and I"m
feeling good mentally. I'm unfortunately having problems with my knees
for the past few days and it's getting worse. It really sucks being in
pain, and I go see my specialist tomorrow. It's kinda funny, I can
handle the pain a lot better now, and it's been a long time since I've
had to feel much of it thanks to the opiates. It's a good reminder for
me to remember what got me where I am today, and I think that helps me
tolerate it. I just think of the cost that relief will be, and it's not
worth it. I think I could even tolerate the pain of a broken bone
without it. Pain isn't what scares me, I can't handle the sickness that
is withdrawals. Focusing on the pain in one or a couple of areas don't
bother me, but when it's every cell in my body and mind, that's to much
for me.
I just wanted to share this because even though this sounds negative,
it's not, it's a positive. I feel rather proud that I was able to
experience something that could be an easy excuse to reach for the
relief, but I'm much smarter than my addiction once again. I know as
the years go it's going to throw everything at me including the kitchen
sink, and I pray for the wisdom to counter every attempt it makes. It's
a bit silly I suppose to give it an image of a human form tossing
household items at me
but that's really how I see it, a shadowy
figure of myself that is pushed ten feet away from me by an invisible force called Willpower/Suboxone,
fighting constantly to make ground, trying everything it can think of
to get close to me again, and make me forget that we are two different
beings now. It wants nothing more than to be one again, because it's so scared. It's nothing without you, just a lonely shadowy figure living in the first demension, getting constantly weaker as you grow stronger. Don't feel sorry for it, it's the evil that was, and doesn't deserve even your pitty.
Your Partner in Recovery,
~Particular
I don't want to be pushy to the new members (like me), but please post what you feel comfortable with. You never know how your experiences may affect another member, and help give them strength or understanding to battle this fight. By sharing your good and bad experiences with Suboxone just might be that magical piece of a puzzle that really helps someone see the light, or truly see the truth to a problem they've been struggling with. I don't know if it's just me, but I can read and read and read so much! and never understand almost as much, but then one thing is shared in just the right way, and I finally connect and understand so much.
Your Partner in Recovery,
~Particular...
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