ircavnar,
You will know when it is time to taper, and your doctor will help you in making the determination. I'm not a dr. so the only thing that I can give you is my experience so please remember it's not a medical opinion. In my experience when to taper has a lot to do with the length of your active addiction, the substances you were using, and the issues that you need to deal with in relation to your addiction. If addiction was just a drug problem it would be easy to solve, easy to just stop taking the substance and move on. For most of us, addiction is much more than a drug problem. It is a problem that has affected every area of our lives. We are usually emotionally stunted when compared to our peers. Most of us don't have the coping skills that people without the disease of addiction have developed. What I'm trying to say is that in my experience, the physical aspect of addiction is just the tip of the ice berg. It takes time to heal physically from the damage we've done to our bodies and our brains, as continued opiate us can actually shut down parts of the brain that help us deal with pain, but it also takes a lot of time to deal with the issues that led us to begin to use drugs in the first place and usually this takes more time than the physical healing. My dr. is also a recovering addict who was treated successfully with sub and he was on it for 2 years. I have heard of people only using sub to detox, but reasearch shows that this is not very successful. I think that what your husband needs to realize is that addiction is a progressive, incurable and often deadly disease that requires management in some way for the rest of our lives or we will slip back into the old habits and old thinking and that will lead back to using. You said that you can't get out to meetings and for me the meetings I attend have been just as important to my recovery as the suboxone. Suboxone freed me from my obsession with using, meetings have allowed me to begin to deal with my issues and develop coping skills. I've been on sub this time for a little over a year. I started on a high dose and I've cut it to less than 1/3 of what i started on in the last year, but everyone is different in the speed of their recovery, just as the progression of the illness varies from person to person. Since you can't get out to meetings I would suggest being as active here as you can. Reach out as much as possible to as many people as possible. There is also a website from Rickett that has several good activities to help you with coping skills, maintaining your motivation, and improving interpersonal relationships. The web address is suboxone.com, then you click on the here to help button. You register and it really does help. Also, I will be glad to do anything I can to help you in your recovery journey, as will the other ladies here. The chats that we have on Monday and Thursday a 7:30 est are great ways to ask your questions and get feedback from people in various stages of their recovery. NA as an organization views suboxone and methadone as using, however I would recommend getting their basic text as well as any other literature you can get your hands on, because the more you understand about the process of addiction and recovery, the better off you will be. A lot of their literature is available for download at na.org and there is also a store where you can order literature there. For me information has been one of the most important tools I've used in my recovery. It helps me to understand my disease and recognize when it's rearing it's ugly head. For example, you said you're not craving the drugs but missing the high. In my opinion that sounds like you're still looking for something outside of yourself to help you deal with internal struggles related to your addiction, NA has helped me to learn to accept myself and even love myself. I will be glad to go over the steps with you and share my experience, strength, and hope (ESH) with you. Just because you can't physically attend a meeting doesn't mean you can't work the program. That's the great thing about 12 step recovery is that it is extremely adaptable, and in my opinion you get a lot of skills to help you deal with life without using.
Please let me know if I can do anything to help you. I'm working on developing a 12 step group based on NA, but that recognizes maintenance medication as a valid recovery tool. I will forward you the literature as we come up with it. Until then, if you want I will work with you on the NA steps or anything else you feel like would help you in your journey. I too am a mother and I understand completely that you can't go thru white knuckle w/d and take care of your kids. We're fortunate that we have found a tool to use in suboxone to keep us from having to do that. Try to remember that pain is usually a symptom and not the actual problem, I have even come to appreciate being able to feel pain and cope with it. Your last statement that said my mind is too everywhere says to me that you probably shouldn't taper yet. What I would do is concentrate on developing skills to deal with my mind being everywhere before I started my taper. Remember we aim for progress not perfection. If your relatives don't have addiction problems, they probably don't know what you're going thru. Let them read the post here and get as much information as possible from as many places as possible to try to help them understand.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Yours in the struggle,
Monica
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