Hello Lisa

Hello Lisa,
Welcome. I am BFye & I have been on Suboxone since May. I'm sure that one of the site moderators, Dee or Barbara, will be along shortly to welcome you properly. They are great women & amazingly supportive. I'm always so thankful to have found this forum. There are great people here who really understand the struggles of addiction & recovery. Are you on Suboxone yourself? How long have you been taking it, if so? How is it going for you? I don't mean to sound too nosey with all of the questions, just wondering if you are also having success with the Subs or if your having any issues that you need to talk about? There are a variety of educational sources linked directly through this site and if you ever have a question or whatever, they will help you get to the answers. There is also so much warmth and empathy here because we truly understand where each other has been & where they are now! I feel that I have made friends on this site & encourage you to stick around. I would love to hear more about you, if your comfortable to share. Have a wonderful holiday & hope to talk with you soon.
Yours,
BFye

Hello BFye, you are not being nosey. I have been on suboxone for 21/2 yrs, and it was a godsend. I had been taking a lot of opiates(pills) and didn't no how in the world that I would ever be able to stop, but thanks to suboxone I did. I had been in rehab 2 times and it never worked. I went to my group meeting today. It always makes me feel so much better to be able to talk to people in my situation. I am so glad I found this site. I look forward to talking to all of you on a regular basis. Thank You for your support, Lisa

Hi Lisa and welcome,
My name is Dee, the other moderator, and it is my pleasure to welcome you to our home. If there is anything that you need just ask, and we will do our best to help. I would also Like to apologize for not being here to welcome you sooner, I like Barbara have had so much going on lately. I see that you have already me Beth, she is one great lady isn't she. I'm sure that you will like it here. It is late and I am tired it has been a very long day. I will be back on in the morning. I hope to talk to you soon.
Yours in recovery,
Dee

Hi Lisa,

I'm a newby here too. Hope you get some good stuff from here like I am.

Cheers. Mez.

Hi Miss Barbara, I thought you were in the hospital? How are you doing girl? What's going on with you? I need an update.. You've been in my prayers, hope all is well?? Please keep me posted. I know its so busy with it being the holidays. Just wantd to let you know that I was thinking of you girl. Talk to you soon. Merry Christmas!!

Hey Dee,
Merry Christmas!!
Wow!! I know I keep on saying it, but it comes soo fast.. We started having the family gatherings today. This was the side that still accepts me.. tomarrow will be the interesting ones! But today was great, that's what I need to focus on. It was very nice to see relatives that I've not seen in so long. (and this year I'll actually remember seeing them) That's horrible..

Mez, I wanted to let you know that I love the picture that you posted on your profile!! That is awesome! You brought an instant smile. You look so happy (and ornery!) that it's contagious!! Keep on smiling girl!

Hi Lisa, It was great to hear back from you! I'm so happy to hear that your having such success with the Subs. Your exactly right about them being a "Godsend," I look at them as life saving. They are a miracle for me! I don't believe that I'd still be here today if it weren't for the Subs. I also was horribly addicted to pills. It started as Vicodin or Lortabs, but as soon as I tried an OC, I never looked back. I tried to change, to quit, so many times. I actually had a period of sobriety for over 2 years & fell back, relapsed & didn't stop. That's also when it got worse because I'd switched to the OCs & you know how that goes. It's ugly. Anyways, I'm just so very thankful that the Subs even exist. I have hope again for the future & for my family. They are an absolute Godsend!!
I look forward to hearing more about you. Do you have a family? Children? What type of work do you do? I am not currently working, but I did dental assisting for about 11 years. Right now, I'm staying home because we have young children. I have 3 kids total. We have a 13 year old daughter, a one and a two year old. Our boy is the baby. Two girls & a boy. They definately keep me busy. I think it was easier to be a dental asst. haha. They are great kids though, & I really wouldn't want it any other way. I feel very blessed. I also am starting back to school here in January. Just part time, but I'm really looking forward to it. I haven't been to college in 10 years though & I'm a bit nervous.. Just need to get into it & I think it'll be fine. (that's what I'm counting on)
I'm going to finish things up over here for when Santa comes... Have a great Christmas & hope to hear from you soon!!
Merry Christmas!
Beth

Hello Everyone, I have been running all day and have just now stopped for a minute. I just wanted to stop in and say I hope each and every one of you have a very Merry Christmas. Thank You guys for all of the support, and I can't wait to talk with everyone more. Lisa.

Hi Barbara, Dee, Lisa and everyone here. I am confident now staying on 10 mg for the next couple of months. I had no idea that you could stay on the sub for more than six months. I had a broken neck in 2000 and I was talking to Young Neil, (hubby) about not jumping off too quick. I also spoke to my Doc. about it and he wants me to not even think about dropping down for a while yet. He even wrote on my script that I can't ask for a lesser dose until he says. Thats because the first time I tried this I tapered off to 4 mg in six months and ended up using again.

I have learnt a lot on this site and Neil keeps asking me about it so I finally told him to come and have a look for himself. I hope he does. I'm glad someone said they didn't mind my photo. It's the only one I have on computer and i had to get my son to put it on. We had a lovely Christmas lunch and it is 9.00 Christmas night. My son and his girlfriend went to a vegan Xmas dinner and he has just called me to deliver him some McDonald's - Ha.

You are in my prayers. Cheers. Mez

Barbara, you sound like an excellent cook. Are you? It's going to be 37 degrees celcius here in Frankston (the city by the bay) it's known as. It's actually a derogatory term because there are a lot of people living under the bread line and a lot of young teenage mums and dads.

And of course I love it here because there is a really strong community and friendliness. My daughter (she is twenty) had moved interstate a couple of months ago and it was our first christmas without her. Surprisingly, I felt very calm and still do. I miss her heaps but I know she is happy and healthy.

I had a candle burning for everyone on Christmas and hope you Barbara and Dee and everone here have a lovely and 'cool' Christmas day.

Cheers. Mez

Hi Barbara. I love hearing about where people live. As I haven't travelled (except in my head) its good to hear how people from different places describe things. Great respect to you for having two horses in your family. We have two rescued dogs and two rescued cats at the moment. They have been with us for some years now. They all have come from really sad starts in life. We had a family of possums that we cared for as well. That was as hard as breastfeeding my kids, having to feed the babies hourly around the clock with a pippette.

You must be very bright and talented doing the job at work that you do. It sounds fascinating. Where do you get time for yourself? I hope I develop an ounce of the energy and motivation that you have.

Thanks for being here. Mez. X

Hi Miss Barbara,
My gosh girl, what's going on? I hadn't even read my email, I didn't even know you had all of this going on with your heart. I just read it yesterday though & put it all together. I'm so sorry that I didn't get back to you sooner.. Are you okay? Did you get ahold of your doctor? That's such scary news.. I'm so glad that they figured it out now before finding out the hard way. What a blessing. Not to have any heart problems would obviously be the best, but these days its so common & there are many medications available to help regulate whatever symptoms it causes you to have. I'm glad that you got ahold of it before it got ahold of you! Please keep me informed & know that you've been in my thoughts. (prayers!) I haven't been able to get on here as often as I normally like to. This week has just been soo crazy busy. Lots to do.. How was your Christmas? Was it your Mom, brother & you? It obviously turned out much differently than what you were planning with having the surgery cancelled. "The best laid plans.."
Our Christmas was good, but I'm glad it's done. Well, not completely, we still have two more family gatherings on Saturday. It's alot, as we have many places that we're expected to be. Especially with having young babies, everyone wants to see them. Those young babies are what make our Christmas so special right now. Seeing everything for the first time, through fresh, innocent eyes.. It's pretty cool. The kids had an excellent Christmas & that's what is important to me. I, myself, I'd prefer to stay close to home & relax. I enjoy doing my own cooking & staying in. But, we had done that for Thanksgiving & there was NO way I was going to get away with it for two holidays in a row. On Christmas Eve, the kids & I went to my aunts house on my Moms side. I had a really nice time. I still feel comfortable around this side of the family & that surely makes it easier. I was really dreading our Christmas day plans which included hubby's Moms side & my Grandma's on my Dads side. I almost (tried to) cancel out on going to my Gma's, but she wouldn't have it. Both of the babies threw up while we were at hubby's side & I told Gma that I was just going to take them home to clean them up. She was so disappointed, sounded crushed, that I just couldn't do it. We took them there, covered in vomit & all, and cleaned them up there. I am so very glad that we ended up doing it that way. She was so happy & so was I. I had a very nice time visiting & realized that I've been stupid for avoiding these people that do still love me, due to my own embarrassment. It was so great to see my Grandma. Why am I embarrassed to see them now, when I am sober, & not when I went there all looped up & high to embarrass myself in the first place? Does that even make sense girl? I'm just happy that we decided to go & I felt like my Grandma is proud of me. It went better than I expected. I think that they're starting to believe in me again. That makes me feel good inside to be earning some of that trust back. I did not feel so comfortable at hubby's family gathering though. I just tried to smile & I kept busy with my babies. It was awkward between his mother & I, but I continue to be polite. His cousin didn't even speak to me, not even hello. But she's an arrogant bitch anyways, so its no big loss to me. She just graduated from law school last summer & got married to another attorney. They think that they are better than everyone. God bless! I don't even try to pretend like I understand that world. I was happy to get out of there. I don't imagine that we'll see any of them again probably until Easter. I'm so glad that it's not like that with my family. My Mom would go crazy if she only saw the kids every couple of months. And his Mom only lives 15 minutes away?? Oh well, I can't change her or make her have a relationship with her grandchildren if she doesn't care to. I look at it as her loss. I just can't understand it. Then she wonders why the kids won't come to their "Grandma" when she does see them. I wonder? I'm glad to get that gathering over & done with. It sounds horrible to say, but it's the truth of how I feel. I don't even know if I made it out the door before they started their discussion about me. My brother in law always gives my hubby the newest story. Super, gotta love it. No mind that her son is happy or her grandchildren are amazing, I'm still just a piece of shit. I'm glad that we don't have to see her too often. Anyways, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get all mean & go off about it. New topic!
Tell me how your doing. Are the animals keeping you busy? I bet your going nuts with still not working. Please let me know what is going on with your surgery, heart, etc. As I said, I'm sorry it's taken this long to get back to you & I hope to talk to you soon. Hope you had a Merry Christmas!
Love,
Bethy

Beth,
You remind me of a rose bud just beginning to go into full bloom. You are blossoming right before our eyes. I am happy that your Christmas went well, with the exception of the in laws. But I wouldn't dwell on her and it doesn't sound like your going to. She will remain stuck in the gear that she is in now, while you move on to 3rd and 4th gear. I know that your not a car, but that is the only way I could think of to say what I wanted to say.
I am proud of you for holding your head high and forging on.
I will let you go, my brother in law has just moved back home with one of his daughters, and they are here for the day. Actually I've had his daughter since they got here, but he has come for a while. I will talk to you later.
Yours
Dee

Hi Beth. I'm Mez. I've just been on here for a couple of weeks. Been on sub for a few months now. I just want to say that I can soooo totally relate to you with your in laws and how they are with the children. You did so well with them and over the years I believe my in laws have just had to accept me. I married my husband - not them. It would have been lovely to have littlies around for Christmas. Our children are young adults now and I miss the magic that children bring to our lives.

I enjoyed reading about your Christmas, Beth. Your strength shines through.

Cheers, Mez. X

Hi Mez!!
It was so nice to hear from you! I love it here on this forum & the incredible women that are here & continuing to join, we are getting an amazing bond. I feel that I've gotten so much stronger in recovery since starting to get on here & talk out my issues with others who understand our daily struggles. Sometimes its hard to even want to get up out of bed, but its got to be done, you know what I'm saying. Recovery takes a toll on our bodies, we can actually feel our aches & pains! Not to mention, the loss of appetite & sex drive, etc. I remember when I first joined & having those feelings, Barbara posted about side effects of Subs & mentioned the above symptoms. It was so great to have someone understand what its actually like to be in this spot. I suddenly didn't feel quite so alone. I'm so glad that you've come onto here & started posting so that we can get to know you better, get to know each other better. I love reading your posts as its very interesting to me the slight differences in language & hearing about where you live. I live in Ohio. This time of year, its winter. It gets very cold & snowy. It'll usually stay this way until around May, then it starts to warm up. It gets hot in the summers, usually in the 90's. My favorite time of year here is the fall, autumn. Its usually around 70 degrees in the days, then drops to around 50 or so at night. Perfect sleeping weather. Also, my birthday is in October which also helps make it my favorite month. The days are the shortest right now, but they are starting to get a minute longer each day until June 21st (the longest day of the year) so at least we are on the upswing!!
I know that I mentioned this to you before (sometimes I repeat myself, repeat myself, haha) Anyways, I love the picture that you posted on your profile. You look soo ornery, it made me smile! Your smile is contagious! I love hearing from you, please keep in touch. Let me know how you are doing. I hate to have to just cut this off, but I have to change one (or both!) of these babies STINKY pants. The fun never ends! Talk to you soon!

Your Friend,
Beth

Hi Beth, Thanks for your lovely post. I have just finished a really crappy shift at work and it was so nice to come home to this. It's nearly 8pm on Monday night here and my hubby Neil has just cooked me a beautiful dinner. Red rockling fish and vegies. Just to have kind words from genuine people wash over me takes all the 'ickiness' out of today.

Do you think it makes a difference if you take your sub like eight hours later than usual? I think that might have affected my attitude at work a bit. (The lazy couple of nurses I was with didn't help much either). I used to work at this place full time but left because there was a really negative clique on the ward, and it hasn't changed.

Sorry to bore you with that. You have much more important things to think about.
How many kids have you got? What are their names and how old are they? I just loved my babies until Angus hit about fifteen. Then we were in for a rude shock, still learning every day how to handle him. Of course I love him to bits, but its hard competing with me, me, me when I have my own self obsession and addiction to deal with.

I totally forgot about the old libido with the suboxone. Both Neil and I are quite comfy just being good mates and looking after each other at the moment. Its been really nice, and I'm sure things will change eventually. Have a good night or day Beth. Thanks for sharing. Mez. X

Hello Mez,
It was great to hear back from you. I can still hardly comprehend the time difference between where we are. Your almost a whole day ahead of me? Is that correct? I don't mean to sound so ignorant, but I really don't know what the time difference is. I'm thinking that it's around eight hours, that your around eight hours ahead of me. Am I even in the right ball park? It's about five in the evening here right now, maybe we can figure it out..
I'm sorry to hear that you had a hard night at work. Are you a nurse? What type of job do you do? Hospital, private office, home care, etc? It's very difficult being in a workplace & feeling uncomfortable with your co-workers. It makes the shift drag and the time goes so slow. Women are especially cruel.. I've never understood that, but it seems to be truth. Dee had a funny expression about these type of situations. She called it "high school on steroids!" I thought that was a perfect type of description. Do you need to stay at this particular place? Have you looked for other employment? Maybe keep your eyes open for another job that you may enjoy? I don't know if that is even an option for you, but here's hoping!!
I miss having employment outside of the home. I love having the opportunity to be able to stay home with my babies, but I miss the outside world, as well as my own solvency. I hate my loss of independance. Its difficult for me to have to ask for money. We're tight financially & watching our pennies right now, though. So really that's just the way it goes when you have young babies. As well as a teenager! I always just try to keep these things in mind, my selfish mind. I understand exactly what you are talking about with your son, Gus & these teenage years! I am in that exact spot with my oldest who is only 13, but thinks that she's 18 & dammit, she looks like she's 18!! It's scary for me! I've always laughed about that saying that when you have a son, you have one penis to worry about. With a daughter, you worry about every penis in the world! It's not so funny anymore! I just keep trying to talk. talk, talk with her & maybe half of what I say will stick! Her name is Nadine & she's a great girl! Turning into a lady right before my very eyes! I also have the two babies. Caroline is two & Matty is one. One day when I get technologically advanced & figure out how to put pictures onto here, I plan on showing off some snapshots of my little monkies! They are my life! I couldn't even tell you the last time that I've been away from these guys. I know that sometimes that isn't always so healthy, but I'm getting ready to start back to college in January so I just try to keep my eyes ahead. I am so thankful to have found the Suboxone as it has given me the chance to work to keep our family together! I don't even know how I'd be able to live my life without my children, so it's imperative that I keep myself in control, clean & setting a good, loving example in a stable & secure home. That is what I want & I will fight to keep it! They certainly deserve it & Nadine is exceling these days with her Mama right on top of her! She's gotten a raw end of the deal at points throughout her life when I was using! She's had to struggle along throughout that addiction right along with me. That certainly was never fair for her to have to endure, to see her Mama like that! I don't want to put her through it again. I don't want to get over confident, but right now I honestly feel like I can say that I won't use again, knowing that I can do it on the Subs. & I get alot of emotional support right here on this forum! It's so funny to me how you can meet people who you instantly "click" with & feel like you've known them forever. I feel closer to some of the girls on here than I do with most people around me. I always say it, but I love it here! Last week being so busy with the holidays, I didn't get to come on here as I normally do & I really missed it. I couldn't wait to get back on & catch up! I feel like I gain strength while I'm here, maybe because that's what I feel like I need the most right now. But thankfully, I feel like I'm getting it back, slowly, but surely!! I'm starting to be okay with myself & who I am again. Boy, that's been a fun journey! (as I'm sure you know about that!) And I don't want to try to pretend like that journey is even close to over for me! I feel like I'm getting more & more figured out everyday. I plan on continuing to learn, learn, learn! As I've obviously been in a fog for too many years...
It's time for me to get some dinner finished up around here. I'm going to go for now, but I'm hoping to check back in later. I hope all is well with you today & I will talk with you soon!

Love,
Beth

Hi Beth, I had just written a huge post to you and lost the whole lot because I changed pages for a minute. . It's about right with the time thing I think. It is 6.25 pm and about 2.30 where you are, I think. You sound like a fab. mum and I hope you do get some pics up on here eventually. I'm am pretty computer illiterate and don't know how to put them on either. I got my son to put the one of me on. What will you be studying in college? I know what you mean about being with you kids all the time. Some times I used to crave for some adult interaction and if on the very rare occasion that I did get a break from them, I couldn't wait to be back with them.

I can't imagine having 1 & 2 year olds with a young teenager as well. You must have the patience of a saint. My daughter, Tegan is twenty now but she sounds a bit like your Nadine when she was 13. Tegan just couldn't wait to grow up. Thats one good thing with our kids - they can talk to us about anything and unfortunately they do!

I work for an agency now, which means I can pick or choose where and when I want to work. So I just let them know that I don't want to go back to where I worked yesterday. I mainly work in acute nursing but I don't do any medications as I have to go back to college and get my certification before I do it. I'm not sure that I want to though. I'm quite happy having to do the messy stuff instead of being around drugs. I don't want to put myself in a dangerous situation with regards to my addiction.

Have a good day and I hope your little Caroline and Matt give you a chance to recharge your batteries. Love Mez. X