Thank You Beth!

Subject: Thank You Beth! Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:14 pm

Beth, Thank you so much for the card and coin. Now I really know we are close friends because I am sure that coin meant alot to you. I promise I will take good care of and cherish it! It even has my favorate prayer on it. I also enjoyed the Bassett Hound on the cover of the card. You and Dee proved to me that I don't need a plastic chip to honor my recovery. I just need my friends, family and God to support me. I don't need to care or think about what other people have to say. Beth, I hope you are not curl up in a hole. I notice you haven't posted. Please let me know what is happining with you. I know you are getting discourage. I wish I could come to see you right now so we could look for a doctor for you together. I am going to look up Grey Hound prices just for the H-ll of it now that I have your address. Don't worry I just won't drop in on you lol!

. Take care my BFF. Try to enjoy the weekend. Love, Cathy

Subject: Re: Thank You Beth! Sat 29 Aug 2009, 12:18 pm

Hi Cathy,
I am glad that you have finally received your overdue coin & card!! That coin has been with me since I went into detox for the very first time, the February before I started the Suboxone in May. (2008) I have held onto it throughout some of my very worst moments, especially the day after my very first & only relapse. It brings me comfort, as you can probably tell that its about rubbed flat. And yes, the prayer is also what makes it so very special!! (you wouldn't have gotten that kind of coin from NA/AA) Wink

Anyways, I am very glad that you've received it & will cherish it as I have. I knew that you would or I wouldn't have given it away, but you deserve it, as well as our priceless friendship, it can be a reminder that you have a friend out there who loves you & cares about your recovery & your happiness throughout your journey of life!! As well as your well being. I love ya girl! I love you

Oh yeah, and I figured you'd enjoy the dog on the card!! Idea

As for me & how things are going, Neutral

I am trying to hang in there & trying my very, very, very hardest to not curl up into my black hole!! What a Face

I am actually just trying to remain extremely busy, which hasn't been too difficult as Nadine has started back to school this week & I have applied for several jobs throughout the week as well. Everything from a gas station attendant to an upscale bartender. The Dollar Store, a waitressing job, the grocery store, etc. I sure am hoping that something will finally come through, as our county has been one of the worst hit by unemployment rates that its ridiculous! People are holding onto their jobs, as well as companies cutting jobs & hours for their employees. It's a hard time to try to find a job, but I know that with persistance something will work out. As well as college students going back to school, something will open up. I am trying to remain positive.
As for the doctor part of it, I don't even want to think about that today, as its the weekend & there is nothing that I can do today, so I don't even want to go there. Other than to say that I have NOT had good luck what-so-ever throughout the week of phone calls.

I am actually going to look into that Dr. Janig, as I did speak to Dee about him as well. I'll just have to see how he runs his program. You know that I will not give up, despite my whining & crying sometimes. Rolling Eyes

Okay, I have to close this up for now to go bake a casserole to take to a pig roast that we are attending today. Bring a covered dish type deal. It's not really a party where all of our friends will be, although some are going to attend. It's more of a "need to show your face" ordeal due to where we live. So, I am getting up & getting moving, my oh-so-dear friend!! I am so glad that you enjoyed your little present! I love you

I will talk with you soon!
Love You-
B I love you

Subject: Re: Thank You Beth! Sun 30 Aug 2009, 12:00 am

Hello Beth and Cathy,
I wanted the both of you and the rest of the members that I have spoken to Deborah about Dr. Junig. If you will remember Dr.Junig is the doctor that created the You Tube Videos posted here on the forum.
He is a very highly respected and credible doctor. He understand about addiction, being an addict himself.
Beth, I have sent you an email with his contact information.
I will also be creating a posting about him under Suboxone information. Thank you Cathy!
Always,
Dee

Subject: Re: Thank You Beth! Sun 30 Aug 2009, 1:00 am

Hi Ladies, Thanks Dee, for checking out Dr. Junig. I think his info. and teachings about Suboxone and addiction will be an asset to this forum. I been following his teachings for along time now. He used to work in my area years ago at a Medical School. Beth, I hope you enjoyed your pig roast. We had a couple of bad thunderstorms here so I didn't spend to much time outside. Dee, I think those storms are coming your way. I hope you Ladies enjoy your Sunday. Talk to you soon. Love, Cathy

Subject: Re: Thank You Beth! Tue 01 Sep 2009, 5:01 pm

Hi Cathy,
How are you doing my friend?? Thank you again for your suggestion regarding Dr. Junig & his program set up. As soon as I mentioned it to Dee, she got right on the ball, geting info from Deborah & letting me know the way to go about that route. I just keep broadening my search area & have to believe that something will work out. I cannot think any other possiblities are even a possible action. My keyboard is really not working correctly, so I have to go back & edit nearly every word! I will talk with you soon girl!
I Love Ya,
B I love you

Subject: Re: Thank You Beth! Mon 07 Sep 2009, 1:03 pm

Hi Dee & Cathy, (and everybody!)
Happy Labor Day to you all!! Hoping your enjoying your day to the fullest & with as little labor as possible! Isn't that above picture of the angel just so cool??? I could sit & look at that one for quite a while. Lots of intricate details. Just like life.
I don't have anything too new going on, as its been a little rough lately. Not like you guys don't already know. I feel sort of "off" today, but I cannot yet put my finger on why or how. Just not quite right. It may be because I have started that Cymbalta & it might be starting to really get into my system. I don't know. I am just simply throwing out guesses. I feel like everytime I come on here & post how I am feeling, well it makes me feel like a hypochondriac or something. I feel like I am always complaining & do NOT want or like that character flaw. Do you also see that in me? I can take blunt honesty or constructive criticism, so feel free to let me know because that is NOT how I want to be perceived. Here's a little saying by Sally Field, but sometimes it is good to know how you are peceived as well.

I No Longer Judge Myself
"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes."
-Sally Field

I found that to be quite true of myself regarding how I judged myself & to a point, it does still matter. It only matters from whom its coming from though. If their opinion of me matters to me, then I am willing & wanting to know that very opinion. If not, it can go in one ear & right back out the other! Wink

Make any sense? You girls are my very best friends & your opinions mean quite alot to me. So let me have it- am I a pessimistic hypochondriac? cyclops

That sounds funny to ask it like that. Yet, I am quite serious. What a Face

Okay, onto a happier note, (maybe) do you have any plans for the day? Any picnics planned or family get togethers? My family gets together every week anyways, but today we are doing Matt's Moms side of the family... I've discussed this situation with you guys before. The relationhip with his Mother has actually been getting better since her recent decision to divorce that idiot!! She came around quite a bit for the first few weeks, but its been quite a while since I've heard from her again. Anything is better than what it was though, right? I love you

So, we are going to where she is now staying with her sister & brother in law, where we all normally go for picnics or any type of celebrations on that side of the family. They are the ones with the very nice, large home with a built in heated pool, as well as the patio to accompany it. It is beautiful out there & of course, the kids love to swim. I think it was a very smart move for her to go stay there for a while, as I said, its a huge house & both of their children are grown & moved out. It's just better than signing a rental contract for the first decent place she can find. If she even decides that she wants to leave, as she has never lived on her own & is getting close to sixty. She & Matt's Dad act like they have no interest in reconciliation, but they speak several times a day on the phone. Yesterday, he asked if he could take the kids up to the farm where he grew up to get some sweet corn, which they did do, but he also made sure that on the route that they took home went right by her workplace, where she "happened to be on shift"... So they go to see her & get some ice cream & french fries as well. Matt & I just wink at each other, as his Dad continues to deny it, it is written all over him. He isn't in his "slump" or black hole, if you will, any longer either. He used to spend days in bed. Not these days by God!! Idea

And that is the very best thing for him to be remaining busy with his heart issues, he needs to remain on the move or the lack of movement will eventually stop him from being able to do so at all. He's been falling quite a bit, not quite a bit, I guess, but more than what most people ever do. His legs give out on him & he is heavy. Quite overweight really & its hard on his knees & legs to carry all of that extra weight around. He has been losing some though. Yet, still hasn't really changed his eating style too much. He loves sweets! We all love the sweets here... I can eat an entire box of Honey Buns in one night, so I try not to buy them everytime. He brings me home boxes of them, as well as those mini pies, like Hostess Cherry Pies, as well as alot of other goodies for everyone else. But I have gained nearly thirty pounds in the past year & am trying to watch what I am consuming, but when those treats are up in the cupboard & I know it, I'm up in the middle of he night plowing them down. Mad

Why can't I get rid of my belly fat, I ask myself. Then remember the 4 honey buns that I ate at two this morning or whenever. Aghhh! What a Face

I know that I am not fat. I am in the "normal" range for my height & weight, but cannot fit into the majority of my clothing any longer. Or if I can, I look like stuffed sausage trying to squeeze into my casing.

Not how I want or care to be looking these days. I want to look hot!! I want the head turns & the confidence that comes with that. It helps to bring out my smile! As vain as that all sounds, I must be that vain because that's how I want to feel again. Although, I guess that I often forget that I am not in my younger twenties any longer either. But I wasn't last year either & I am just uncomfortable with all of the weight that I have gained. Matt desn't mind it- in fact, he doesn't want me to change my appearance at all. He promised that he would tell me if I started looking "too heavy"- but to be honest, I don't think that he would tell me. Unless I beat it out of him! Wink

HAHA
I have to get going for now to vainly get myself ready for the picnic! Laughing

Love you girls,
B I love you

**Again, Happy Labor Day!!!**

Subject: Re: Thank You Beth! Mon 07 Sep 2009, 5:32 pm

Hey Beth, I hope you are enjoying Labor Day. There's really nothing going on here but we are going out for ice cream later on. Beth, you are too hard on your self. You are entiled to all your feelings whether they be good or bad. The whole purpose of this forum is to get your feelings out and also to get advice. If your weight bothers you that much maybe going for a walk everyday or alittle jogging. We as woman always worry about how we look and it shouldn't matter unless it something that makes us unheathly. I keep 2 sizes of clothes thats how much my weight goes up and down. I think that is funny about Matt's parents. How long have they been divorced? It sounds like both their pride is getting in the way of hooking back up. I have to go for now. I have to finishing reading the forum and then start supper. I'll talk to you soon. Love, Your BFF. Cathy

Subject: Re: Thank You Beth! Mon 07 Sep 2009, 8:12 pm

This must be the Holiday check in page. Wink

Hello to everyone. Not much going on here either. I have been trying to check in on the forum off and on for anyone that may need an extra kind work or offer of support.
We all know to well how the holidays can sometimes be triggers for some people.
I have had company again for the last three days. They left to go back up to the in laws earlier this afternoon. And I must say, as much as I love and care about Gordy's brother and his wife it can get to me at the same time.
On the other hand, I have had the experience of staying where they are now and that can be a little hard too.
Back to my original subject.
Beth I don't think that your a hypochondriac at all. And Cathy is right.
Deborah created this forum for patients in recovery so that we could have a safe haven to come and talk about what is going on.
Think about it this way. Our forums are read by people from all over the world(no exaggeration)people come here reading in the hope of maybe finding the answer to what they might be going through. Maybe someone that is going through the same thing that you are will read your postings and can relate. That would cause them to reach out join the forum and seek the support they need. So in reality your problems could be helping other people but you just don't know it.
Anxiety and depression are real everyday issues. We want to help you though this Beth. Don't worry.
I'm not sure how often I'll be here tomorrow.
I have to go over to the school at 2:15 as our certificates are in and our program director is going to present them to the students. After that they will be having a pizza party but I won't be there for that very long. As I don't eat Pizza.
But I do want to see how everyone is doing on their job searches.
After that, Gordy, Kris and I will be going to the fair. It is dollar day so we plan to go down and check it out.It should be a nice family time for us. It seems that lately we don't get much of a chance to be together with the both of them working.
That's' something else. Sometime i feel so badly because they both work and I am at home much of the time. I feel that I should be helping out financially but I haven't been able to find anything that I can do.
I filed for my disability but we all know how long that can take.
Okay enough of my rambling.
Have a good night and hug those you love often.
Dee

Subject: Re: Thank You Beth! Tue 08 Sep 2009, 11:52 am

Good Morning gals,
How have your days started off for you?? I have nothing to complain about thus far. Of course, it can only be nearing 7:00am, so I am glad that I have woken up feeling kinda "normal!" Dee, I received your card & it made my day! I realize how silly that must sound, but it's not too often that we actually receive regular mail from one another. I got all excited when I saw the envelope & Matt was standing there grinning at me like the Cheshire Cat because he could feel my excitement. He's the one who brought it in to me & he said, I figured that you'd be happy to see this mail for you. Yes I sure was & still am! I am keeping the cards from my dear friends (you guys) all around my desk area as a reminder that I am never alone, despite how I am feeling sometimes.
Dee, I don't think that I've told you my very exciting news. The other night Matt was over here on our home family computer, as our previous laptop is not working or charging properly. He went onto EBay & bought me a new laptop. Well, I should say, new to me, it has been used, as it is one that was leased out, but I sure don't mind. I'm just so overly excited to be getting my own laptop. This was completely unexpected to me, as last week he was whining about how much time that I spend on the computer. You know this Dee because you gave me the idea about spending more time with him to make him feel less left out. It has been working. Yet, I still had no idea that he'd follow through with me getting this laptop right now. I really do feel like a kid at Christmas time. But now is just the countdown until it gets delivered. Then, getting it all figured out. This is also even more incentive for me to get my butt back into classes. I cannot qualify for financial aide until next February or March though, as I had previously gotten financial aide way back when while I was still in college about 12-13 years ago & had defaulted on part of the loan. Which I found out about just this past year at tax time since the IRS kept my entire tax refund to apply towards this debt. The main thing I just couldn't understand is why this past year? Over ten years later? Do you realize that means most of the money that is past due is due to interest? Anyways, that is how I finally found out why I couldn't receive the financial aide this past January when I was all signed up & had my classes scheduled. I thought that I was starting that Monday, until I was in with my Advisor the Friday before starting & she told me that my aide was NOT going to be approved. I could still start classes, but I'd have to be self pay & that was next to impossible. (as it was January & Matts slowest time regarding work throughout the year) So, I set up arrangements with the loan company that I could have a certain amount of money deducted from my bank account every month & if I have 9 consecutive payments, without missing even one or even being late for one, then I could re-apply for the FAFSA loan to get on with my schooling at that point. Nine months means that I have to wait until at the very least until next spring semester, but realistically I believe that I may have the chance to start next fall. I am very excited to re-start my education, as you gals know. I want to major in AOD counseling. It obviously has special meaning to me, as well as being quite knowledgable about addiction & recovery myself. Andy tells me that I was made for this type of work. I also believe that to be true. I don't find myself to ever be judgemental, unless given reason to be, but that's not my first thought about addicts or the mentally ill. In fact, I have no preconceived notions about anyone until I get to know them. Like that MD the other day saying that he has no desire to work with addicts because he likes to have a "trusting relationship" with his patients & that addicts lie. No go, completely UN-interested. I thought of so many replies that I wanted to come back with, but of course I simply bit my tongue. After all, he & Matt are friends. I respected the fact that he was blunt with me & told me what he thought straight off. Inside of my mind, I hope that he never gets into a car accident or has to deal with chronic pain because he could see/learn just how easily it can happen to ANYONE!! He treated me like I was beneath him because I had the ever-so-fortunate experience of becoming an addict!! Thank You Beth! Icon_mad

I know that I have these next couple of appointments coming up, but the more that Matt & I have been discussing it, we would definately like to get in with Dr. Junig. Today being the first business day of the week, I'd liketo get ahold of him today. E-mail or phone call? I prefer phone calls so that I could get all of the necessary info needed regarding how his office is set up & what the cost will be & what I need to do next to become one of his patients. I obviously have many questions for this opportunity. Thank You Beth! Icon_question

But it seems to be the way that Matt & I would like to try to go about this. He is knowledgable & understands what its like to have the addiction as well as how to remain in recovery! I have watched several of his videos & he impresses me. As well as being impressed by Matt's reaction to attempting to see him & is willing to go to Wisconsin along with me to support me... Thank You Beth! Icon_eek

So today is the day that I will attempt making contact with the "Great Wizard" & off to Oz we shall go, if the doctor (Oz) gives me the okay! Thank You Beth! Icon_wink

Just tossing out an idea here, but we have never left the kiddos overnight anywhere yet & I would like to convince Matt to remain home with the family & possibly you gals could make his special trip with me?!?!?? Dr. Junig could meet a few of us from the forum, as well as seeing how very serious I am about my recovery. I could drive if either of you could make it to Cleveland or even Akron, as I know that the train & Greyhound both have stops in Akron. It could be a great way to get to meet each other in person, as well as the mere wealth of information that we can acquire by meeting him. What do you think? Could we pull it off? It would be a little road trip, back to Thelma & Louise or Laverne & Shirley or just Dee, Cath & Beth trying to meet this great doctor... Thank You Beth! Icon_idea

Would either of you consider it?? I'd love to invite everyone to go along, yet I just know that the 3 of us are within the same general vicinity of the country, as well as Lori, who is in Michigan. Lori, would you also like to go to try to meet the Wonderful Oz/Doctor as well? I do have a minivan, of course, having my family. Yet, I am almost wondering if it would be better to rent a car or van, depending on how many of us could actually go? I wish Barbara wasn't so far south, and Sweet Jess in California. Has anyone heard a word from her lately? I'm praying that her home computer is still down & since its hard for her to get on it at work that she will be back in touch with us once she has a computer available to do so. At least, that's what I am hoping the case is, as I do miss hearing from her! She has such a spark for life & being so young in recovery, well God bless her!! She can do anything she puts her mind to doing (as we all can, obviously) & the energy level at that age & not being tied down, that she has the world in her very hands right now! I hope that she realizes where she is in her life & how lucky she is to get it under control at this age, before everything was ruined for years upon years. I used for 16 years- that is nearly half of my entire life! Thank You Beth! Icon_twisted

Such a waste! Thank You Beth! Icon_evil

Anyways, boy I can go on & on, can I not??? Entire topic change- just like that. Thank You Beth! Icon_rolleyes

I am serious about Wisconsin. I am going to try to get ahold of him today, if at all possible & get more details. I'll let you guys know what the story is when I hear anything, but I am serious & hope that you may consider it an opportunity for all of us! Thank You Beth! Star3

Both of you, Dee & Cathy, have said to me that you wish you could come here & help me to find a doctor. How about if we already have the doctor, but I need the support from true friends to make it a reality? Boy, am I ever laying on the guilt thick here, aren't I? Thank You Beth! Icon_razz

Seriously though, please let me know what you think & the costs that it would take to get either of you to Akron, if you are possibly interested, bcause I am totally serious!! Please take some time & think about it, but it would be cool to meet him none-the-less. An entourage of women in recovery showing up at his office for my legititmate appointment- he may enjoy or get a kick out of it as well. And to let him know how very grateful I am to have this such strong of a support system. Please get me some feedback on this idea. I wish that we had the money to get every member who was interested in doing this sort of a thing to be able to also go get to meet this incredible man! Especially Ms. Deborah Shira! Thank you, Dee & Cathy & Deborah for all helping me get to know that he actually exists & comes highly recommended. I haven't had a doctor yet that I could say these things about. That's pretty pitiful when I have been on the Suboxone for over 16 moths now. Thank You Beth! Kopfschuettel

But I have at least three of them that need my grievences reported against them & their office. This last guy, I don't even know if it would mean anythng because he's not even certified!?!?! It's not like he's doing that to patient after patient, nor on purpose. So I doubt that I'd report him, as he really did attempt to help me, I will not be reporting him. Thank You Beth! Kopfschuettel

I am still hanging on at the 8mgs per day, but not comfortably. I've been trying to take it for as long as I can handle it, then maybe take another 1/2, or another 4mgs. That's about how I am feeling now. These are the times that I feel tied down by the kids, as I could go for a walk in the rain, but not the babies. I could take a shower to get that yucky sweaty feeling off, as well as the chills, but not while I am here alone with the kids. I will just take another 1/2 & see if that makes it go away or not. I know that I am attemping to taper too quickly. I just also know that I don't have many left & I'd still rather have enough for one per day than having none, nada, nothing! Thank You Beth! Fresse

I have to finally close this post up as I have a doctors appointment to attempt to make here. See I started this post before 7am & am just now getting ready to send it due to be up & down, up & down throughout the entire time. Diaper changes, breakfast, getting them dressed, trying to sit down in between every little chore & write out a little bit more. I hope that makes more sense about how I lose my train of thought & jump topics so quickly.. Yet, that's probably just me too- a bit of both! Thank You Beth! Icon_cyclops

Thanks for enduring the never ending posts that I constanly send. You are my best friends & the few adults that I have near daily contact with, as I need you & rely on your friendships!
I am forever grateful tht God has put you into my path. Thank You Beth! Star3

Much love to you gals,
Your BFF, Thank You Beth! Icon_wink

B

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