An update on Beth

Hello everyone!
I read the post from Dee & figured that there is no time like the present to reach out, even just a hello. It seems to be all that I have in me these days. My doctor has been trying out some different meds on me in the past few months & it almost makes my mind feel "numb"-- I don't want to be a "walking zombie" I have to many things to get accomplished during a days time, weeks, etc. As most of you already know, my household has also been absolutely hectic for a few months, if not longer.. The babies are doing well, as is Nadine. (13 yr old) Still on the honor roll & playing softball, which I've been attempting to help assist with coaching her team. I will continue to make time (much needed time for myself) to begin reaching out again. I need you friends!
I hope that everyone is doing well and/or hanging in there.
Your all in my thoughts & prayers, as I know that we all need that.
Love to all,
Bethy

Hi Beth,

It's real late and I'm on my way to bed, but I wanted to say hello. I'm so glad to find you're back and looking forward to hearing from you. Tell us about the babies and I'll tell you about my new parakeets. I also got another Quaker Parrot.

Love,
Your sister in recovery,
Barbara

Hello Ms Barbara!!
I have missed you all as well. Please pass on my thoughts & prayers to all!! It would take at least a week of me writing to try to "catch up" with all that's been going on. It's no excuse for not being here with my friends though. I've been struggling with my doctor & a roller coaster of medications that she continues to want me to "give them a chance to work!" As I said, it would take so long to get into right now. I've been doing well with my Suboxone & that issue. In fact, on May 5th will be my one year since starting them. I cannot believe that I've made it a year!! Amazing to me! Yet, I am still a struggling addict, just trying to get through one day at a time... still hanging on!
I have to keep this short as I have a million other commitments for today, but I really am trying to make the time to get myself back onto here with true friends that understand what those days really are like.
It was great to hear from you Ms Barbara & congrats on your newest family member!! (your Quaker parrot) Is work going well for you? How about your foot? Are you doing better with your pain & recovery from the surgery? Hope all is going well for you & yours.
Hope to talk with you again soon!
Sending hugs & needing strength!
Love,
Bethy

Hi Beth,

I know you are busy with life, but I just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and I miss your posts. You are special to us all. I wanted you to know this. I'm going to curl up in front of the television for a bit and be back to check the forum before bed. I hope to hear from you. I miss Mez too.

Yours,
Barbara

Hello Barbara,
I really have no time to write tonight, but wanted to let you know that I saw your message & will certainly be back to better respond. I'm glad that things seem to be going well for you. I miss Mez, as well. I've met some very special friends here & need to be getting onto here more often. Talk with you soon, hopefully..
I also need to send Dee a message to wish her a happy birthday!

Always an Addict-
Bethy

Hi Bethy,

I just got in from work and what a nice surprise to hear from you! You're really great. I don't have much time either...I've got to get up at 4:30 in the morning to go to work. I have two hours of feeding horses, birds, chickens and the dogs.

For the most I'm doing good. I still get these downward spirals that lead to nowhere. I just have to hang on and glad when it passes.

How's the kiddies doing? How are you? Have you got any plans for Mother's Day? I'm having a party for my Mom and for the first time in years all the kids and grandchildren and great grandchildren will be here. This will be a 4 milligram day. Ha ha.

Love you much,
Barbara

Hi Barbara,
Sorry I didn't get back to respond sooner to this post- I didn't even see it. I am also so very glad to be back on here & getting back into touch with my special friends. I've missed you all greatly, but while on some of those above mentioned medications had me to the point of misery. I couldn't even write my name or get the words in my mind to come out correctly while speaking. I was having seizures and too many side effects to even go into for now. It's really been a roller coaster ride with my doctor (as I am currently looking for another doctor) I need to get a post out about the treatment that some of us tolerate just to have that Suboxone prescription. She is not a nice person & as I've been starting to call other doctors, I've learned that I am not the only patient who has had issues with her personality. Just a quick example, but she told me the other day "that I talk too much & that's due to my anxiety, but not to speak unless spoken to & to only answer her questions, no more than that!" I felt like a reprimanded second grader & was nearly in tears by the time that I left there. There was much more said than just that & as far as I know, seeing as how I am paying her $85.00 per visit, is she not technically working for me???? $85 bucks for 10 minutes of her time!! (that I'm not to speak during those ten minutes) How does she have any idea of what to diagnose me with when she doesn't want to hear my symptoms,etc?? She has quite the cash flow scam rolling in & has no idea about what her patients are struggling through!! "Here, this drug didn't work, let's try yet another one." I try to ask questions about it & what to expect, but oh yeah, I'm not allowed to speak until spoken to!! I have so much more that I could go on about this situation & some legality questions about these issues, as well. I cannot go into all of this right now, but I will, as I need some facts to back up my words! (to remind me that I am not as insane as what she's making me!) If I wasn't bipolar before, after going on & off all of these drugs, I may be by the time she's done with me! Okay, sorry, like I said, I need to get this issue resolved & need some valuable input.
I know that you are extremely super busy today getting ready for your big shindig tomarrow for Mothers Day. Is all coming together well? As I said in another post, but if I know you at all, you'll have it as close to perfection as it could possibly be. Easy to say, but stick to your lists & try not to stress. (as well as possible!) It will be lovely & is soo very thoughtful for you to put this all together for your Mom. That is very special! Just the thought alone will make her day! Let me hear how it all turns out. (but I already know that it'll be wonderful!)
I have to get going & get my things together for the day. We may go take our camper south tonight, but for the amount of work involved & needing to be back by a certain time tomarrow for a Mothers Day celebration at my Moms... I just don't know if it's going to be able to be pulled off this time! Lots of work for such a short stay?? We'll see what Matty thinks when he returns from work. As of right now, unless I get a boost of energy & cooperation around here, my vote is to stay right here! Yet, I am going to start to putting the stuff together, just in case. We really love going down to the farm & camping, as well as not wanting to miss the wild turkey & mushroom roast. (just an excuse for everyone to get together!)
Also, please remind me in next post about what you'd mentioned above about getting in those moods where you spiral down, etc. I go through these same things & as always, looking for ideas on how to handle it all. I have so much I want & need to talk to you & Dee about. It's really been hard these past few months & I did what I do best & isolated myself. Luckily, this time it wasn't with opiates. But I feel lonely- if that's even the right word, because Matt & I are great, just feel alone in the world I guess. But I'm not, so I don't even know what my problem is?? Maybe I am just plain out insane?!?!

Still trying to keep laughing!
Love to you & things will turn out beautifully for tomarrow.
Your certainly in my prayers. Remember breathe in, breathe out...
Love your sister in recovery, as well.
So glad to be back!
Yours,
Bethy