Back on..Thank god

Thank god!! I had a virus on my laptop. Its fixed now. OK guys, Im gonna be real honest..I am ready to kill someone. I am taking my sb and nothing has changed but..I am so evil last 2 days. Im sapping, crying, bitching, there is nobody I like, not even myself. I know its only been 3 weeks but y now? I cant get along with anyone. I am just so upet (crying as I type). It is time for my period an this is the first month on it without pills. Please give me your advice, does it have something to do with it? I went to clinic Friday, doctor is very cocerned about my bilirubin. It is very high. I also have t go for test on few other things. My kidneys are producing ?? I cant remember. My urine was so dark brown, nothing I have ever seen before. It ust seems like all of a sudden I am having so many health problems. Trust me, I am not going back to my old ways. I guess Im just worried what if I need a surgery or something, I cant lose my sobriety guys, JUST CANT!! I have so wanted to call someone last couple days but I wa afraid if I didnt share it with everyone, someone migt get hurt, so I jut kinda held it in. I really did miss you guys. On a brighter note, I dont knw if I told anyone..I got a job!! Actually right acroos street from new house, at a local discount grocery store. They need a meat dpt. manager and I have 7 years experience. He called yesterday and wanted to know If I would accept the job...thanks for your prayers on that on. Another thing, we have to be out of here by the 27th, foreclosure because of my stupitidy. Please, please pray the house we want is ready and they let us have it. I think Im stressed about that and not that I have feelings, I dont know how to handle it. Believe me dead or alive, I will be on here tomorrow niht at 7:00 if someone wants to chat early. I really count on you guys(maybe toomuch) so let me know what you think.

I HAVE MISSED YOU AND CANT WAIT TO TALK TO ALL OF YOU TOMORROW NIGHT!!
HAS ANYONE HEARD FROM NATURE?????? Hope everything is ok

SORRY FOR THE BOOK, BUT BOY DO I FEEL BETTER GETTING THAT OFF MY CHEST. LUV YOU GUYS, I REALLY DO!!!

Tammy,

Fist, if you look at the posts since your last visit you will see Nature posted.

Second, I am so happy that you shared your situation here for all of us to see !

You said you went to the doctor right? Then follow your doctors request. Follow up on the other tests you have to have. And make sure you give him/her ALL of your symptoms and problems. They have to be aware of everything.
They told you that your kidneys aren't producing? Did you get a copy of your lab report?

You said your period was due right? OF course that's why your emotional and crying.

I want you to relax, we are here to help, ok? I know Dee is in the middle of moving so she will be here when her internet is back.

Congratuations on your job !!! And it's close to home. That's awesome !!

Keep doing what your doing, like you said, you feel better now that you told us !

Tammy,
Blue gave you most of the same advice I would have. The crying and stuff could also be simply your emotions coming back as your brain begins to heal. Put the hormone issues that happen to us with our periods and that will without a doubt make it worse. You mentioned your liver enzymes being high. I have heard of people having to be switched to subutex b/c the naloxone in suboxone is rough on the liver in some people, but your doctor will know what to do. Just know that there is usually a way to continue treatment so you don't have to worry about being taken off of the medicine so soon. And even if you are one of the few who can't take either form of buprenorphine (active ingredient) there are also other treatment options. It's good that your doctor is sending you for the tests. Make sure you follow up and keep the appointments. I will keep you in my prayers for your health and your finances. I've found that in my recovery my hp gives me exactly what I need when I'm ready to handle it so I'm sure that things will work out for you. It's really hard to deal with the wreckage that our active addiction causes, but it's part of the process of recovery. Recovery means getting back things you've lost, or for some of us going places we've never been. I'm glad that you are leaning on your support system during this stressful time. That's one of the most wonderful things I've gained in my recovery is people that I can actually count on and trust when I need them.

Keep me posted.

Much love,
Monica