Checking In

Good Morning Everyone:
It is awful quiet around here this morning. I wanted to pop in real quick and check in to see how everyone is this morning. A lot of us have so much going on right now.

Bulldog;
I know that your probably not feeling too well right about now. I know that you threw your stash away last night and are scheduled to start your subs on Thursday. Right now can be a rough time for you, your suffering withdrawls pretty hard I would guess. There are some things that can make you feel better. If you need help, let us know. We have been through what you are going through right now, and I'm sure that everyone would be more than happy to share with you their experience.

Korbeshkie;
You hopefully were able to start your subs yesterday. How did it go? Did your doctor start you as planned? A lot of us are anxious to hear from you and how your feeling today.

Mez;
You usually post every day, I haven't seen you around lately, but I did read where I think that Beth asked you about your internet. I pray that you will be able to join us soon. It really isn't the same with you being gone.

Beth;
Girl, I know that you will be here at some point today. How are you? i'm going to nag you about making the phone call to the new doctor, have you called him yet? I only ask because I don't want to see you have to go through what you did this last time. It wasn't right, you are a patient and as a patient you have rights.

Barbara My Friend;
Your surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. You are in my prayers, I know that you have been running around trying to get things done before tomorrow.
What a relief it must be to finally have your waiting time over. I know that you have hated being off from work these past few weeks, and are anxious to get back. Please let everyone know as soon as you are able how your are after your surgery.

We have so many other members here that we have not heard from, please won't you post just to keep in touch. What good is it for you to belong to a forum, if you don't share your concerns. We can't help you if you don't ask.

As for me,
I am tired, and I guess I am bitchy as well. I am tired of sitting her at home. I am not used to not working. I haven't been to work since the accident on the 10th of December. And It is getting old believe me. It's funny too because when I did work all I did was complain about my job and the people that I had to work with. I liked the nursing home, but the other employees were bossy, and rude. So I hated it. So many times I wanted to quit, but I'm the kind of person that won't quit a job unless I have another one lined up first. At the time that I was hit by the car I was trying to figure out how to quit and get another job. I guess that decision was taken away from me. This may sound horrible to say, but sometimes I wonder to myself if that was the one door closing to open another. I do know this time off will give me the opportunity to explore other options in the job market. I have also been thinking about applying for disability as some of you may already know. I applied for disability some years ago, right after my back surgeries. (I've had three) But I was turned down, at that time I did not understand that you are most always turned down the first time that you apply. I figured that I would just keep working until I just couldn't do it anymore.
And right now I'm just about at the point to where, I can't do it anymore. Am I making sense to anyone here? I mean I really want to work but physically it's really hard for me to keep up.
I guess I've gone on about "me" long enough.
I'd like to hear from the rest of you.
Yours In Recovery
Dee

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Hello Sweet Dee,
Thank you for checking, as usual.. I'm not quite sure what my deal is today, but I'm trying to fight off an immense sadness. I'm hoping (praying!) that it will possibly lift while I'm on here, reading & sharing, reminding me how very good I have it!! I'm not even quite sure what it is that is bothering me??
I'm going to move on for now & ask how you are doing? I have to say that I rarely hear you mention feeling bitchy or anything like that, are you okay? Did something happen to make you feel that way or did you just wake up, as I did, on the wrong side of the bed?? Hope that you are feeling better!! I really understand what you are saying about missing your job!! I struggle with that many times throughout the weeks as I am also used to going to work & have been staying home with these babies for soo long now. Have you spoken any further with your supervisor at the nursing home? Is she still acting the same, rude?!? Are you even still considering going back there? Have you spoken any further with the Avon rep about that position becoming available? Lots of questions, girl, you know me.. But I truly believe in occurances such as what you mentioned above, one door closing to give the opportunity for another door to open!! I wish that didn't include you needing to be hit by the taxi, but as long as you are better for it today?? (you know what I mean?)
I also just want to lay out there that this guy from my past has just continued to call on a daily basis.. I've not answered any of the calls. I've only spoken with him that first day & have since been avoiding the situation. The only real reason that I am bringing it up today is because my mind is working on me. Thoughts in my mind are considering how much money I could get away with pulling out of the account & where I could meet him that is close for me, etc. Dee, I have NEVER been this honest with anyone before to admit to someone else what is spinning around in my subconscious sometimes.. It's embarressing & its hard for me to still be having these kind of thoughts. I don't really know what my deal is that I am having such strong feelings of temptation today, the devil still trying to keep his foot in that door!! Luckily, I have been feeling this way less & less as more time has gone by, but somedays it is still hitting me like a freight train!! So, as you see, rather than return "his" call, I have jumped onto here & laid this all out on you!! I'm sorry- your already having a bad day & I'm just adding more BS to it! But I'm sure that you'd rather me tell you about all of these feelings rather than having me tell you that I gave in & went & saw him.. I can't even imagine how I'd feel about myself at that point. I will not be going to see him for that very reason, as well as a million others that are just as important!! Nothing good could possibly come from me seeing him!!
I need to close this up for now so that I can go get dirty diapers changed around. I wish that I could afford to buy stock in the Pampers corporation!! Dee, as always, thank you for being here for me!! You are a wonderful friend & I'm very thankful to have met you and gotten to know you better!! I will be back to talk with you soon as well as checking out the new posts, etc.. I want to see how Ms. Barbara is holding up, finally getting so close to this surgery, and the others, as everyone has so much going on right now!!
Hope to hear more from you soon girl!
Love,
Beth

HI Beth,
yes, I think I just have had a lot on my mind and instead of dealing with it I have stuffed it away into my mind, but now it wants to surface. I'm sure that I will be okay, we all have our days. no I haven't talked to my boss at work. She put me on the schedule to work next Monday. I told her no the last time that I talked to her, but she did it anyway. I think that may be one of the reasons for my mood. Monday isn't that far away and I will not be at work, but I also know she will call and start in on me. My boss is the kind of person that it used to being able to push people into doing what they don't want to do. If I went back to work now, not only would I have to deal with the pain, but the rude people and also the walking home at night. Not for me. Period.
I ahve the appointment with the orthopedist this week. And I will have him contact her.
So, that guy is still calling??? Have you told Matt that he keeps on calling you? You need to knock that devil off of your left shouder, and smile at the angel on your right. I'd like to be there with you the next time he calls.
I am proud of you for standing tall. You have come a long way baby.....
Don't worry about asking me too many questions, I am an open book to all of you. And it makes for more conversation here.


I better get off of her for a bit, my fingers are starting to type the wrong letters. And I hate spell checking everything that I write.
love to you
Dee