nannamom
Admin
Number of posts : 2210
Age : 66
Humor : Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. -Christopher Reeve
Registration date : 2008-11-09
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bfye
Number of posts : 695
Age : 48
Humor : There is no room in your heart for anger when you are filled with gratitude.
Registration date : 2008-11-20
| | Subject: Re: Recovery Month Presents: "In My Own Words" Wed 29 Sep 2010, 9:51 am | |
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I was just reading through this above post & of course it got me to thinking....  What a wonderful idea this is for families!!!  There really are families that have begun to understand addiction & recovery as their loved ones have gone through it, while other families have a member of their own family go through it & they STILL cannot see or understand that it is a disease, not a moral or ethical choice. Unfortunately, I live with the one that doesn't understand, nor grasp the disease concept. I am told to get my "butt through & my head will follow!" (yet, he doesn't use the word "butt", if you catch my drift...) So, as I was reading through the above post, I knew that my significant other would take NO interest in writing an essay about the struggles that our family has endured due to my previous using, as he still has yet to completely forgive me for my past, despite what he says... It is beginning to to get better, yet it has also been over two and a half years that I have been in recovery. I simply continue to pray that this will eventually get better & as I said, it has already gotten much better, but we are still not there with the forgiveness, or maybe I said that the wrong way, possibly he has forgiven me, but has NOT forgotten & doesn't hesitate to let me know how clearly that he remembers the "wrongs" that I have done throughout my using days. I continue to remind myself that this too shall pass....
So, now that I have eliminated my significant other as a possible essay writer, I have thought of my very own Mother. She is a nurse & although she has never fully understood addiction, as my own Father is an alcoholic, she IS willing to be open to listen & actaully hear me when I discuss the facts that I have obtained throughout the years of my recovery. She really is willing to TRY to understand, which is all I can possiby ask of someone who has never even tried a cigarette, as she has no first hand knowledge as to how it feels to "need" a substance, but she does know how poorly she felt while seeing her eldest daughter fighting an addiction that was winning for a long time before I went into recovery. There's an old saying & I use it quite often, but a "Mother is ONLY as happy as her UNhappiest child!" True, true, true!!! She wanted to change me so badly, but didn't know how & at the time, neither did I... Then, she read a book written by the Father of an addict & she seemed to have obtained such a more clear understanding of the powerlessness of both the parents, as well as the addict themselves. And she remained by my side throughout it all, desperately trying to help me fight for my life! Today she is so very proud of me, as well as my Father & it fills my heart with a warm cozy feeling that I have been able to return their happiness to them, rather than allowing them to be living in constant fear of "that call" that something had happened to me, as they had received several times before, but not yet "THE CALL" that I had died. And they were just anxiously awaiting it & unable to be happy & positive within their own lives while waiting on a call like that at any given moment. It consumed them, just as it would me if it were my own daughter. So, getting back to the topic, I would really like to ask my Mom if she would be interested in writing out such an essay as mentioned above. Not only would it be contributing to the family dynamics of a loved one with an addiction, as they are highlighting within this month's recovery topic, but maybe it would also be cathartic to her to actaully be able to put onto paper what she has been through because of me & how she has dealt with it. I would also really like her to read the other stories from famly members with a loved one suffering from an addiction and/ or in recovery so that she understands that some of my past actions a little better when she sees that other families have also suffered through these same feelings, just as she has.... If that makes any sense in my wording? So, today I am going to ask my Mom if she is possibly interested in this opportunity to share her feelings about how addiction & recovery affects the entire family & to see if her writing it out may possibly help another parent out there who felt just as she did a few years back when she read that book that helped her to manage to get through it all, as well as being good for her to get it out of her soul as well. To help let it all go even more than what it already has because I still can see the nervousness about her being afraid of me going back again. I have previously had 2 1/2 years of recovery in before & upon delivering my now 4 year old daughter, my dr. gave me a script for Vicoprofen because I DID NOT TELL HIM THAT I WAS AN ADDICT!! It was completely my own fault for not telling him ahead of time, but I had the thoughts in my head that I sincerely DID NEED pain meds & I had been clean for well over 2 years at that point, so what was one script for Vicoprofen really going to do to me?  It sent me into an almost instant relapse!! He refilled that script for me for 3 months until I found out that I was once again pregnant, then he changed it to just plain Vicodin ES since the Ibprofen is not good for the baby, but the Tylenol within the regular Vicodins were safe for both baby & I. He kept me on it throughput my entire pregnancy due to where my son was sitting on a previously broken hip & I could barely even walk. So, now I had been taking it for over a year & a half, prescribed by my very own OB & was obviously hooked, yet once again! I let everyone around me down so badly because I had been in recovery for so long previously, as well as keeping it a secret from everyone because I didn't have the desire within me to stop again. But we all know that story & it only continued to get worse & worse until I reached the point that I could NOT hide it any longer & reached out for help, yet again! But this time, I added Suboxone into the equation & have been better than ever with my reovery! Ok, now I am rambling on, so I know that this is my stopping point, but today I will be asking my Mama if she is possibly interested in writing that essay out for the recovery of many others and their families as well. I will let you know what she thinks of the idea!!
So for now, I am closing this up, but thank you Dee for letting us know about this essay regarding the family dynamics that addiction causes those we love the very most!!
Yours in Recovery,
Beth  | |
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