My Induction Appointment

Heya m'ladies-

Quick recap for those of you who haven't read my story...I take methadone- I was on 80-120 mgs a day and have since weened to 30-50 mgs a day as I am starting suboxone this coming monday (yay!) Thank God because my life has been such a struggle. I live 2 different lives, like night and day!

Anyway- I'm extremely concerned. I am in pretty freakin severe withdrawal currently and took my last 30 mgs today (I have no money and no way of acquiring any more). So come monday I know I will be 100 billion times worse off than I am now. Im actually worried I might have a seizure....I'm shaking so bad right now i can barely type...but I'm not even gonna go there...

The reason I'm concerned is that the receptionist scheduled my appointment for 3:00 pm. And it is my induction appointment. A friend of mine goes to this same doc and told me that what he does for your first appt. is writes you a script, you take it to the pharm (which is 20 minutes away) then you come back and he doses you your first 2 mgs. Then you wait 2 hours and he'll dose you with your next. I freaked out when he told me that! How am I gonna have time to do all of that if the doctors office closes at 5?!?!

So I called and talked to the same receptionist (she speaks really poor english) and I asked "are you sure I'll be dosed if I come in at 3?" she said "maybe, let me ask". I was on hold for 20 minutes and she came back on the line and said "I can't find the doctor but I'm sure it will be ok". I said 'how sure? I need to get my medication, I'm going to be very sick!". and she said "it SHOULD be fine". I said "ok, I sure hope so! If not I'm going to be an extrememly unhappy camper".

What's your guys' take on this??? I'm so afraid I will have to wait to be able to take a suboxone until the next day...and I can't get that off work so there's no way- I'm gonna be SO sick (and I have to make it through work until 3pm monday anyway!!!).

I'm starting to feel some mild tinges of hopelessness and fear. I'm a very unlucky person, and with my terrible luck none of this is going to work out. It seems like whenever I want to make a huge positive change for myself it never works out in my favor.

I'm a mess ladies, I need you guys


Hope to hear from you soon,
Jess

Hi Jessica,
I have to keep this short tonight, but my thoughts & prayers are definately still with you more than ever. I know that this will be such a difficult weekend & I agree with Dee, if it gets too bad, get yourself to the ER. They can help you properly get through it if you don't think that your going to make it or if your symptoms get too bad.. We are all with you through this & I promise that the payoff will be well worth it!! Hang in there, your strong headedness, your desire & determination will get you through this!
Love, hugs & strength,
Hang in there my friend.
B

hey guys...

this weekend wasn't too extrememly hard, actually. I made it through with very mild symptoms- slight sweats, yawning, sneezing, fatigue. I just layed around and watched movies.

I woke up this morning and I'm still feelin' ok....for the first time in my life I want to be sick! I mean....I'm sick in some ways....but I KNOW when I'm sick sick. My legs and hands shake, i have chronic diarrhea, and my legs ache and jump.

I'm not having any of those symptoms...just the mild ones! I even have an appetite.. ? And I haven't had any methadone since friday at 11:00 am. so thats almost 72 hours! So I'm scared the suboxone will put me in precipitated withdrawal.

Ugh...I'm nervous in so many ways. I cannot even describe.

Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful weekend, I'll talk to you soon

Love,
Jess

Hi Jessica,
It's good to hear that your not feeing too horribly bad & I still think that the Suboxone will help you. Try not to worry. (yea, right, I know) But in all seriousness, try to stay in good spirits & you will be carried through this! I look forward to hearing from you after the appointment. I do hope that you'll check in & let us hear how it goes for you. But I am happily surprised that you aren't feeling too badly & I believe that it should only get better for you... You know that your in my thoughts & prayers. Today, more than ever!
Love, hugs & strength to you Jess!
I know that you WILL make it through all of this.
Your Friend,
B

Good Mornin Beth

You have been such an amazing godsend for me during all of this!

I will absolutely check in with you guys tonight.

The reason I think I feel okay is because there is still methadone in my system...it can take up to 4 days for me to be in full on withdrawal. So I am praying I get some relief from what they give me. We'll see!

I'll talk to you guys later

Jessica,
Only a few more hours to go!!
Once they give you your first dose, you should feel so much better as long as you HAVE NOT used any Methadone or any other opiates in the last 12 hours. (minimum)
I am excited for you.
I'll check in with you later on
Dee

I leave in 15 minutes for my appointment! I know i've been posting like crazy...sorry if its annoying...I just get chatty when I'm nervous/excited. Pray for me ladies! I will update you very soon. With good news I hope

Hi Jessica,

I got on tonight to check on you and this is all I could find. Did you get to the doctor? Did you get your medicine? I hope and will pray you are okay. I'll get on in the morning to see how you are. Honey, just hang with it cause it's worth every ache and miserable minute you are going through. I'm getting sick just thinking about you being sick. Please let us know what's going on.

Yours in the struggle,
Barbara

Hey guys...

Ugh. So I had the night from hell! The doctor put me on 8 mgs to start so I took 4 mgs at 5pm and 4 more at 7pm.

It made me even sicker...which I was kind of expecting but hoping it wouldn't happen. I started shaking and throwing up as soon as the second 4mgs kicked in. I'm exhausted, I didn't sleep a wink. But I feel a bit better, he had me take 8 mgs this morning and I just took an additional 4. But I still don't feel too great.

In fact I feel pretty crappy

I am so grateful to start this journey though!

I'll keep you ladies updated

Love,
jess

I'm also super sore...my legs and my back feel like they're on fire!!! Has anyone else experienced this?

Hi Jess,
Your sore? Like aching or really hurting badly? I guess I mean, is it tolerable? Have you felt like that the entire time? Since the first dose? Have you mentioned it to your doctor when you saw him/her? Are they having you come back in today since yesterday was your induction? Often I know that the doctor will have you return the next day to see just how you are reacting to your dosage, check your symptoms, etc. Is that how your doctor is doing it as well? Or when do you go back in? I know that I felt like I had the flu the day of my induction & slept. I didn't feel great, but it was much better than the actual withdrawl & was tolerable. Yet, the next day when I took it, although I did throw up, I felt tremendously better. Like a whole other person. I am unsure of your symptoms though. Just because I didn't have that, I'm not sure if others have or not. I have never heard of anyone saying that they felt that way, but as I said, since I never experienced it, I wasn't really asking either. I'm sorry that your feeling badly, as I thought or I guess was in hopes of you feeling great today! Please do ask your doctor about your symptoms, etc, as that is how they will determine your needed dosage. Are you feeling okay other than feeling like your limbs are on fire? That sounded so stupid, but I mean, are those the only symptoms that you are having? Are you feeling okay otherwise? Or is it so bad that you can't even tell? I'm sorry to be thumping you with all of these questions, but I really don't know about the symptoms that your enduring. I'm sure that Dee & other members will tell you if that's something that they've also experienced. I just didn't, so I really don't know. Sorry.
I was just really glad to see that you'd posted & wanted to let you know that we've all been waiting on hearing how your appointment went for you. I look forward to hearing more from you soon, hopefully.
Hang in there my friend. It will get better, I promise.
Hugs & Prayers coming your way!
Love,
B

Jess,
Sorry, I didn't even see your first post.. DUH!
When do you see your doctor again? Have you been back there yet today? When do they have you returning? Make sure you let them know just how you are feeling, as that will help them to determine your dosage. Sleep will be difficult for a bit, that is quite normal, but there are ways to remedy that part of it. And it does go back to "normal" the longer that your on the Suboxone. Hang in there sweetie! It really will get better!
Love,
B

I am feeling SO much better now. I feel sober...what a concept! But still a little bit sore.

Last night I laid in bed and flopped around like a fish but didn't have cold sweats..works for me! Currently I'm feeling a little feverish and nausceous but I'm trying to eat and hydrate (which is hard...no appetite), and I just feel super anxious. These don't really take away anxiety do they? Or maybe they do....I know it's only my second day so we'll see I guess.

I go back to the doctor tomorrow, he's kind of rude...yknow...one of those pretentious "ooh I'm better than you because I have a ph.d" kinda guys...but the ladies there are nice, they're doing my paperwork so I can get on the financial assistance program. I'm probably going to be on 16 mgs, that is what I took today and like you said, it's much more tolerable than withdrawling cold turkey.

Hope you are having a wonderful day

Talk to ya soon!
Jess

Thanks Dee.

You have been so amazing through all of this, I don't know what I would have done without you! Whenever I'm feeling weak or hopeless about the situation I think of you guys and it helps keep me strong.

And I'm not just saying that! Its pretty neat actually

Love
jess

PS- I forgot to add that I saw him this morning and I will see him for the last time tomorrow morning at 8 am. It's expensive! They charge me 20 bucks every time. Oh well, it's SO worth it !

Hi Jess,

Sorry you are having a hard go of it. My second day I woke up hungery and wanted breakfast. This I've never done even when I wasn't using. I remember when I was on a high dose (24 milligrams) it helped with pain, but when I tapered down, it did nothing for pain and still doesn't.

I'm so glad you are okay and will probably level out in a few short days. If you don't like your doctor, I'd take my time and look for one I do like. You are going to have a long relationship with your doctor, so it would be better for you if you found someone you liked and would make you feel comfortable.

I'm just relieved you went through with it and are being strong. You are in my thought and prayers for you to start to enjoy life.

I'll be around.
Love,
Barbara

Goodmorning!

I went to the doctor this morning, they wrote me a prescription. My official dose is 16 mgs.

I feel SO much better. I'd say I'm at 90%. And I was able to sleep last night I'll update you guys more later!

Love,
Jess

PS- I posted a question under the Suboxone Assistance- Financial Assistance topic if you guys could check it out....I'm trying to figure out if I'll qualify for the RX assist program. TTYL

PSS- Thank you for all of the support Beth, Dee, and Barbara- you guys are amazing!

Hi Sweet Jess,
I am so happy to hear that you are feeling well!! I know the first couple of days are an adjustment, but you do sound so much better! Yea!! I am so proud of you for sticking to your plan & putting it into action, thus beginning a new life for yourself! I had the same flu like symptoms that you were describing today- feverish, nauesa, achey- but it went away quickly. I wish I could say the same for the anxiety. At least for me, it has not helped with that at all, other than knowing that I didn't have to worry about my next "fix" because I had the Suboxone that I needed right there. That part of it was a relief, of course. But I do have issues with anxiety. I'm glad to hear that you slept better last night as well. I remember sweating through the first few nights- literally, soaking my clothes, then getting real cold, but again, it went away quickly. I'm just so very happy for you Jess that I can't even begin to tell you. Your so young & to get a hold of your addiction now is just such a wonderful blessing! You can do so much with your strength & determination, to make this journey- you can do anything! You can help so many people & that will also help keep you into your own recovery.
Great job my friend!
Please keep me updated.
Love,
B

Goodmorning Beth

How are you today? I feel like we've all spent so much time talking about me...I never get to hear whats going on with you!

Anyway, quick update...and on to talking about ME some more haha...oh boy...well- I'm doing wonderful! The only think that has been hard about the adjustment (the last 2 days at least) is my anxiety and my emotions. I'm so used to having the crutch of methadone to hold me up..in good times and bad. But at the same time I have no desire to get high! And I LOVE waking up in the morning calm...no more panicking. I was so sad! I would wake up in the morning in the arms of my sweet boyfriend and cry because I just couldn't face a new day! I hated the chase, the worry, the expenses.....

And I am so excited...I will FINALLY be able to spend a little bit of money on myself! What a concept! I'm gonna get my hair and nails done and go shopping next payday (with the money I would usually spend on pills).I think I deserve it!

Now I just need to pray that I'll be able to get on the RX assist program! One thing at a time

I hope you are well beautiful Beth! Talk to you soon

Love
Jess

Hi Sweet Jess,
It is so great to hear you in such wonderful spirits. Can you believe that its already been six days? Kudos to you my sweet friend! You deserve it & the happiness & relief that recovery can bring. You are now on your way to an entirely different life style & what a wonderful blessing that is for you & your sweet boyfriend. Now, you can give it an honest chance & making it through the hard times together can only make the good times that much more precious time together. My blessings go out to you both! Not everyday are peaches & cream, but now you no longer have to hide & lie, worrying about having enough money & being able to find your next dose. What a relief! I truly am so happy for you Jess that there aren't words to describe it- Great Job!! Again, you have done it my friend & you certainly deserve it!
I will begin to put more about myself into my posts with you- again, back to me.. I love your humor. You have so much going for you girl!
We will begin to know each other better throughout continuing to post & keep in touch. Especially on bad days because you have so many people here that care about you, but I didn't mean that as it sounded. I hope that you'll also check in on good days, as you are now an inspiration to others who may be suffering in the same shoes that you were in the past!
My hugs & praise go out to you my friend!
Please do keep in touch with me.
Love,
B

Hi Jess,
How are you doing sweetie? I haven't heard much from you in the past couple of days. Are you still doing well? How have you been feeling?? Have you discussed any of this yet with your loved ones? Are things well between you & your sweet boyfriend? Does he notice a difference in you? I certainly am full of questions for you, huh? I just want to know if your doing well. Are you also going to be seeing a counselor? When I first started the Suboxone, that was a required part of getting my script called in. I couldn't get my meds if I couldn't make the weekly counseling appt. & drop a UA also. I didn't much care for the man that they stuck me with, but many of my "issues" have to do with men, so I prefer a woman. After I started seeing the doctor once monthly, she has therapists in her office & also requires counseling in order to receive the script. She also had me seeing a man & he would literally set an egg timer for the 45 minute session, which costed $145.00 per session. I hated the entire ordeal. I dreaded my appointments & cancelled often. I went just enough times to get my next months script, but that sure wasn't helping me. Anyways, I went on my own to a "state aided facility" that has counselors & the cost is on a sliding scale, depending on my income, size of my family, etc. That's where I have met Andy. Now, in my opinion, she is what a counselor should be like. Our one hour sessions (which are free for me, by the way) feels like I've only been talking to her for five minutes. We can talk & talk & talk- she feels more like a girlfriend than a counselor. Yet, she has her masters degree in dealing with drug and/or alcohol abuse. I feel quite grateful to have found her. I'm in hopes that due to the fact that I am in between doctors (I have an appt. with the new doctor on the 24th) that I could possibly talk him into allowing me to remain seeing Andy as my counselor rather than switching me to someone on his payroll. I'd sign any releases necessary for her to be able to share my info with the doctor, if need be. I guess that I will cross that bridge as I come to it. First & foremost, I have to have a doctor who can & will write me my scripts, then I guess I can ask him about my request to remain with my current counselor. This ordeal with finding a good doctor has taken its toll on me. I'm having a hard time trying to "trust" doctors & the meds that they want to put me on or those doctors who have taken the eight hour course to be able to be a Suboxone provider, but have no other knowledge regarding addiction or the addictive mind. I haven't had the best of luck with locating a good doctor yet. I'm sure praying that this one on the 24th will be the one who I've been searching for throughout my recovery. Big deep breaths, breathe in, breathe out... I've just been struggling lately. The first doctor I saw prescribed me a medication called Tranzene for anxiety, as I also have "GAD" (generalized anxiety disorder) & deal with depression. It helped me to feel so much better & then about three months into taking it, I found out that it is a benzo. Obviously, habit forming. Now, I'm stuck on the benzos. As the next doctor that I saw was prescribing me Valium 10mgs, 4 times daily. He dropped me as a patient due to a conversation between my husband & his daughter (who is also office staff) that apparently was misinterpreted & became a "racial issue" that I had nothing to do with. But he dropped me like a hot potato. No warning, no weaning or tapering, just like that. I called back into the office to explain that the meds that I am on cannot just be abruptly stopped or I could have potentially life threatening withdrawl symptoms. Their response was to go to the ER or call the crisis center & that they were also not going to be doing the Suboxone program at all any longer. So, that's where I am now, waiting to see my next doctor... This has been extremely hard on me, as I'm sure you can imagine, but I absolutely hate it. When I went into see that first doctor, I was not on any benzos (as my urine drop would prove) & now I feel as if I've simply switched addictions. I have my opiate addiction maintained, but now I have yet another battle on my hands. So here I am, "on hold" & waiting to see yet another new doctor. I guess that I'm mainly just frustrated. (and mad!) So...
Anyways, back to me, (LOL) I hope that you are doing well & I look forward to hearing from you soon, hopefully?!?
Love & Hugs,
B