Just can't keep up..

Subject: Just can''t keep up.. Thu 14 May 2009, 4:35 pm

Hello dear friends, I love you

I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to respond to many posts that I'd love to ask & hear more about. I miss you guys!! Not an excuse, but I can't seem to get through a sentence without these darling babies needing something. I started another post earlier & within the first sentence, one of the kiddos had bitten the other & it was nearly the end of their world. Wink

So, as I seperated them, I realized that they both had stinky diapers. (of course!) As I was just finishing the second diaper, they informed me that they were near starvation, although we just had lunch around noon!! What a Face

I went up and made them each a bowl of green beans left over from dinner last night & they may have eaten 2 of them?!?! Aghh! cyclops

I'm trying hard to remember throughout my frustration that they are only babies (toddlers) and that they don't yet know to act any differently. I also know how fast this time flies by & how quickly they will be all grown up, so I try hard to keep these warm thoughts in my mind throughout my frustration. And once again, I'm not going to make it through this post as they are climbing the walls around me. Caroline also just informed me that she is poopy again! affraid

How??? I'm hoping that once Matt or Nadine get home that I could possibly get a few minutes alone that I so desperately need right now... Shocked

That is a non existent privilege for me these past few years. But to take my part of the blame for it, I also need to make (take/demand!) that time in order for it to happen. I don't see anyone jumping up volunteering, actually, they do just that. They all say it quite often, but following through is another deal entirely. I've simply getting these few minutes due to "Curious George" Thank God for PBS! Razz

Dee, I keep meaning to get back to your messages & haven't done it yet. It's taking me a while to get anything done. You know how I feel about you & didn't want you to think that I was ignoring you or anything. It's just been super busy around this household right now & sometimes they just can't be put off. (stinky diapers, softball games, etc.) You know the story.
Suzy, I have loved reading your posts & would like to get to know you so much better. You portray strength & I look forward to hearing more of your wisdom.
Barbara, I was happy to read that your Mothers Day celebration turned out beautifully! Although, I knew that it would as you were handling it. I was hurt to read about your Mom's purse coming up missing & it made me sad for the memories of when my family had to hide their things from me. I'm so glad & happy to hear that it was just "too well hidden" & that it didn't spoil an otherwise wonderful day!
Has anyone heard anything more from Cathy or Mez?? If so, please send my regards! Oh, how I've missed being on here with you special angels!
Hope you all have a lovely evening & know that your loved!
Yours,
Bethy I love you

Subject: Re: Just can't keep up.. Thu 14 May 2009, 6:38 pm

Hi Beth,
I wrote an email to Cathy this afternoon. The last time that I heard from her she was getting ready to start school, on May 6th.
Remember when we were all talking about the different options we have now that our lives are on the right track. She decided to go back to school for Medical Coding and Billing. Isn't that great!
She did tell me that she would try and check back in here, I imagine that she is busy trying to get things together. You know how hard it can be to take care of the house, husband, school and the lot.
Don't worry about getting back to my messages, I know that your posting on here and that is what is important. As long as you stay in touch.
Okay Beth, I know that you don't like to ask people to do things as you are the one taking care of everybody. But you do need your space and time for you. Since your family already made the offer to give you some space, take them up on the offer. But don't wait for them to jump up and do it on their own. They like you, are busy. You may have to voice it to them that you need space everyday for "Quiet Time." Matt has already said that he wants you back on here as it means so much to you, so have him back you up on it if not give you the time himself.
I must say, it is good to have you back. Wink

We have so many more new members since the last time you were here. And we keep growing more and more everyday. It's hard to believe that this new Suboxone forum just opened up last November. In fact, you were one of our first members.
There isn't too much going on with me, I'm still waiting to hear about the guy that hit me, or should I say his insurance company. Rolling Eyes

He did sell his business last month. At least he's not driving people around everyday any more, as he owned a cab company.
I am still also going through Vocational Rehabilitation for work. But nothing yet. I am to start the community college here on June first. I will be going through a career readiness program, it is a grant funded program for now. It is a ten week cerificaton program. The next session of it will be a program that the students will have to pay for. I am lucky to get in now.
No body wants to admit it, but I believe I am having a hard time getting work for two or three reasons.
One, my age. Now that I am in my 50's people aren't wanting to risk hiring me. Two is my record. It has been clean for over 10 years, but a record is a record. And three is my addiction. affraid

It's a shame that people can't see me for who I am now and not back then. But it is their loss. For now, I have more time to be here with all of you and of course with Kris. Who by the way is doing okay. Wink

Time to end this book. You and I are a lot alike. Once we get to talking there is no stopping us.
Yours,
Dee

Subject: Re: Just can't keep up.. Fri 15 May 2009, 1:07 pm

Hello out there!! I love you

Dee, thank you for the beautiful response, as usual. I'm so very happy to hear that you are keeping in touch with our special Cathy. I really miss her & need to find her email address again. I'm soo very proud of her for taking the initiative to get herself back into school! I deeply regret losing touch with her, but it's not going to remain this way. I will find a way to contact her again. Somewhere here, throughout my past posts, I do have her email address, as well as her phone number. I do not want to let her slip away, so I'm not going to let that happen. Once again, if you hear from her, please pass on my love, hugs & strength! Let her know that I'd love to get back to try staying in contact, although I know that she's extremely busy. (as we all are) She remains in my thoughts, as do many special friends here. Especially you, my Sweet Dee! I'm so thankful for the bond that we have & you may be the only friend in my life that I can share everything with! (as I'm sure you know from our PMs) Thank you & once again, for still being here for me, even after my absence. I believe that true friends are the ones that you can see anytime, a month, year, etc and pick right back up where you'd left off without missing a beat. I don't have many friends like that. I really seem to not have many close friends at this point in my life. Sure, we have plenty of people to socialize with, as well as large, loving families and I know how very blessed I am for these special people. Yet, I don't have a close girlfriend that I could sit down with a cup of coffee and just lay it all out there. The truth. I don't need coffee shops & getting myself all primped up, just someone to open up to, honestly. I am letting you know that you & this site are that friend that I so desperately need. Oh, how I wish you lived next door!!! This is a whole other issue that I have. To quote Suz, "I've had to cut some people at the root" and it's still remaining an open wound for me, as I had to cut my best friend out of my life, not because I don't love her & her son to death, but because she is not positive for my sobriety. I see them around town, more her son than her, but the first several times I saw him, he wouldn't even look up at me or say hello.. Crying or Very sad

He's spent ALOT of time with our family & it nearly broke my heart, the tears wouldn't stop flowing.. I love this boy! I love his Mother as well, but she refuses to understand the importance of this saving my life! I've seen him a few more times since then & he has said hello. Nothing more, but he has said hello.. Crying or Very sad

Those are hard roots to dig out!!
I've spent so much time going on & on that I already have to go prepare lunch for my litlle ones. I had hoped to ask Suzy her perspective on this situation as well as Barbara feeling any better??
I'll be back.. Rolling Eyes

(Terminator-Arnold Swart.) Stupid puns! I have to entertain this crazy mind of mine somehow... What a Face

Thanks for the post Dee!
Talk to you all soon.
Hugs & Strength,
Love,
Bethy I love you

Subject: Re: Just can't keep up.. Fri 15 May 2009, 8:15 pm

Beth,
I remember the friend that you are talking about. I know it is hard sweetie. It is a shame about her son, maybe in time, he will be able to see what caused the rift between you and his mom and he will also understand why you had to end the friendship.
Each time that I went into recovery, I would hold onto the friends that I had. Each time that I would get out of the treatment facility I was in, I would eventually take back up with the people that I knew were still using. I thought I would be strong enough to resist what ever came my way all I had to do was have strength.
Sooner or later though I would tell myself that I had been clean long enough not to let it get out of hand if I were to use "one time." We all know how well that works. It doesn't.
This last time I moved away from everything and everyone that I knew. I had to change everything. I remember when I told people that I was gong into treatment, they would tell me that they would see me again. I told them no not this time.
When I got out, I went straight to the bus station. I stayed away for 4 years.
Now that I am back (I've been back for 3 years), I don't see any of the old friends that I had. I can't.
I haven't made any friends since I've been back. I am afraid to. Really I am. I know that one day I will have to take a chance at friendship, but not yet. I don't think I can.
The friends that I have are here online. They are in recovery and they all know how I feel, as they have been through the same things that I have or they are close to someone that is going though it.
Here I am not judged, I am not lied to, and There is no temptation to use. I'm sure that one day I will meet other people outside of the internet and when that times comes I pray with everything in me, they are genuine and sincere.
Until then I am content to have what I have.

Sweetie your not alone in this. Remember not too long ago Cathy went through The same thing with her best friend that was also her co-worker.
We were all there for her, and we will all be here for you. That is what friends do.
Cathy will be back here soon, I know she will.
Your In my heart Beth.
Yours In Recovery,
Dee