New and Nervous !!

Hi I am Elismamaw,I would like to say hi and ask a huge question,does anyone know where I can get any help paying for a Doc ??? I have been taking Suboxone for about a year now and I have no insurance !!! I need a doc so I can get into an office and get my Suboxone regularly and legally !!! Any ideas would be very helpful !!!! Thanks !!! I had been on pain meds from about age 15,then in my 30's I discovered,much to my present downfall,Heroin. It changed my life for the worse !!! I hate who I became on it and I hated not having it,the sickness without it scared me terribly , so I did whatever I had to do to make sure the sick didnt come.I lost all self-respect,most of my family members,all of my "real" friends and my home several times...By the time I was 42 my mother and biggest support person passed away and I was almost totally alone,I had my brother left...My father made sure he took custody of my youngest child and only daughter and refused to let me see her and my middle son,my oldest son was on his own and wanted nothing to do with me at that time either...I ended up in Indiana alone,broke,sick,scared and in a homeless shelter-Thank God for that shelter and the people I came into contact with there !!!! They helped me save my life and learn how to become a person in society again !!! I also found Suboxone at that time,only unfortunately it wasnt time for me to get clean and serious yet !!! That all took place in 2008/2009 . I made some friends at the shelter and we(me Matt and Sarah) ended up getting an apartment together,thinking we could support each other in our efforts to stay clean and productive,of course when 3 junkies trying to remain clean are together and 1 falls the other 2 are QUICK to follow suit !!! It was 2010 and I was using again and like they say,I picked up right where I left off,using a gram of H a day and selling it to keep my habit going,thats when for whatever reason God sent Geoffrey into my life !!! He fell in love with me,moved me into his home and helped me understand that I was a person that was worth saving and worthy of love !!! We lasted for almost 2 years until the junkie in me robbed him of all his pain meds and I whooshed back down further than before !!! Back on H and back on the needle this time and half dead in a crack house,with my husband who is as sick as I am,I tried to overdose....I woke up outside in the back of someones house,in the ghetto neighborhood I was living in and sat up and for the first time since I was 15 said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH !!!!
I called my brother,he's a year younger than me and I asked him to help me,I couldnt do it alone,but wanted to succeed this time,he came and got me,cleaned me up,helped me get some Suboxone for when the H was out of my system enough so I wouldnt be sick and he took me home !!! That was 13 months ago and as of today I have my own home,with my 18 year old daughter(my dad cant keep her from me now !!) her boyfriend and a grandson on the way in April,I have a fulltime job I do from home and I support myself and help by paying half the bills with my daughter and son in law,I am still clean,I have made my amends with people in my life and I'm even starting a new and improved relationship with Geoffrey !!!! And its all thanks to my brother and my willpower to stay clean on my little orange saviour !!!

Hello Ellismamaw!
Congratulations on being sober! And getting your life back!

My name is Jasmine, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a 20 year old stay at home mom. I have a son and a step daughter. Cooper and Zoey. I started using opiated, Vicodin, when I was 14 years old and ha surgery for breast cancer. I became completely hooked a few months later when I got morphine and Dilaudid in my IV at the hospital when I had another surgery for a kidney stone that couldn't pass. Anyways I used for 5 years and lost everything. My fiancé, my home, my family and my real friends.. We all know how that goes. I was on fentanyl patches, chewing them up, when I hit rock bottom and decided enough was enough. I was bouncing around with my 3 year old son when I said to myself "Wake the F up Jasmine, it's not just your life you're ruining. You're ruining that baby's life too!" So I called my fiancé, whom at the time had left me, and told him I was ready to get help. And I went to detox where I was introduced to suboxone. I was tere 5 days, when I left they gave me enough suboxone to last about 2 weeks until I could get in with a provider. I had it in my mind that I could wean off with the 2 week supply and be off of everything for good. I wa sadly mistaken and relapsed shortly after running out of suboxone. I started using again for about a week maybe two.. And I slapped myself and said DONT so this to yourself again! I called around that very day and got in with a doctor that prescribed suboxone by the end of that very week!

I have been on suboxone and sober for 6 months on the 27th of this month! So in just a few days! I have got my life back, my fiancé, my home, my step daughter, and my family and friends.

To answer your question about elocpaying for a doctor I have no idea.. Dee (Nanamom) the wonderful woman who runs this site, should be around anytime to read your post. She is very resourceful! She has helped many people solve many probls here on this forum! The moderator Blue Eyes should be around anytime also! She is just wonderful! This is an amazing support system here. And I'd like to welcome you to our little home!

I do know that the makers of suboxone have a program called Here To Help and they pay for your suboxone for up to 1 year! I just don't know about programs that pay for doctors. Like I said Dee (Screen name is Nanamom) will be around sometime soon. And she will be able to answer you better than I can!

Have a wonderful night and a great day tomorrow!
Much love! - Jasmine

Hi Jasmine and thank you for that welcome,I needed it and this does seem like its gonna be a wonderful little home !!! Like all of us with an addiction,I need as much "POSITIVE" feedback and support that I can get,unfortunately for me today has been an awful day and tonight isnt gonna be any better I am out of Suboxone and have been for 3 days now,which is mainly what led me here to this forum,looking for any sort of help I could find !!! I have to stay strong,I know I should have some suboxone by friday,but the cravings and the feelings of dread and the pain from not having them are getting worse by the second !!! Gratefully,I live deep in the country,so leaving and finding "something" to relieve the pain is not an option(thats why I chose this area to live lol )...its just gonna be a long,long night again tonight and I really hate putting my daughter Kylee,she's 18 and 7 months pregnant by the way,through the worry and stress of thinking I might use again...It breaks my heart every time she walks into my room and leans over me in my recliner,kisses me on the forehead and asks if I'm ok and how she wished there was "ANYTHING" she could do for me right now !! so God willing,I will make it through another night and have a better tomorrow !!!
Out here and hopeful
Thanks for listening !!
Tiff

Tiff, I'm sure you can make it through this!
I know the withdrawals suck and are hard, try taking a hot shower or bath or maybe laying on a heating pad?

I had a problem filling my script a week ago because my prior authorization had expired and I had to wait for the new one to get approved! I went a few days taking wayyyyy less than I was supposed to. And a few days taking nothing at all. Plus I have been through withdrawals many times during my drug using. When id run out of money and run out of options... for a few days at least! So I know how you're feeling!

But I promise you as long as you're here on this forum you'll never have to go through it alone!! You'll never have to go through anything alone!

I know Jasmine,I've been "sick" more times than I can count and the only good thing about being this way now is because I know I'm sick for a good reason and it will end soon,looking at my Kylee and that big belly of hers gives me hope and the strength to endure a few days of sick for the greater good of the situation !! Soooo I will stay sick and hopefully my brother gets here sooner than friday(he's hoping he can get them and get to me by tomorrow,he just called lol) but if not I will endure lol...I have to work 2 more hours tonight and up for work at 9 am tomorrow morning,so that a great way to keep my mind busy,work keeps me occupied and I have over 10 hours scheduled throughout the day tomorrow,thank God I work from home and can sit in a hot tub while I do work if its bad enough to need to !!! So all will be well soon enough,but having this place to come really makes all the difference in my world !!!
Thanks again Jasmine and I hope your night is awesome sweetie !!!

I'm very happy to see that you have a positive outlook! That's the best thing that you can do right now! Stay. Positive! And have hope!
And I hope your brother gets there asap!
I'm happy you came here for support! Its a great place to get it!

If you'd like to know more about me my whole story is under the thread "Suboxone Stories" and mine is called "how suboxone saved my life"
If you'd like to know anymore about me ask away. I'm open to questions!

Again welcome to our little forum family!

I will check out your story as soon as I get off of work tonight at 10,and I feel the same if you wanna know ANYTHING about me just ask,like I tell my kids,"There are no stupid questions,just stupid answers" lol!!!!
Love ya,Tiff

Hello Elismamaw,


First, Welcome to our Forum.
I'm Blue and I'm the Forum's moderator.
I see you met my awesome friend, Jasmine..

IF your having trouble paying for a doctor. I know there is a program that each physician that can prescribe Suboxone can have up to three patients treated for free.
Dee - am I correct in saying that?
I know there are programs where your meds are taken care of... but that's not what your asking right?

I will notify Dee (she's our forum Administrator) And see what options we have out there .



You've come to the right place, we are a tight group here and we stand by each other.

Hi Blue and Thank you very much for the welcome !!!
I have met Jasmine and she is a beautiful young lady and a great representative of what this forum seems to be about-friendship and support during what could be the worst part of someones life-she gives me hope and I was waning in the hope area when I posted yesterday !!!
And yes I am having trouble with the cost of a doctor,I've called 49 places and the most reasonable I have found is 350.00 to start and 200.00 thereafter on a monthly basis....I am employed,I work from home and honestly,healthwise I was grateful to find a job I can do from home,I have several things wrong with me that prevent me from holding a job outside of home...
I have seen the info and website about getting the company to pay for my suboxone for a year and I think I qualify for that,its just getting the initial chunk of cash together for the doctors first visit that I am unable to do....
Any advice or information would be greatly appreciated !!!
And I guess I have to take Jasmines lead about why I have procrastinated until now(13 months) in my recovery to seek out a doctor-as she said I wasnt trying very hard to find a doctor until faced with the prospect of going CT and those old feelings of sick and defeated returned and my back was to the wall to make an ACTIVE decision in my treatment....
Thanks again for the very warm welcome I've had thus far and given the grace of God I will be here to say "welcome" to a new member once I win my own battle ...
I am always open to advice to further my treatment,
many thanks
Tiff

Good morning elismawmaw,
I am glad to see that you have made it to our little forum here. It is good to meet you.
Let me do some checking for you okay.
I wanted to reply to your message now as I don't want you to think I am ignoring your post.
Give me some background on you and your situation, do you have Indiana or have you applied for Indiana medicaid?
In a pm please send me your city, I promise not to release it to anyone I just need it to do checking for different programs in the area of where you live.

Congratulations on your recovery. Making a decision to stop using is tough but what is even harder is going through with that decision. I decided so many times to stop but the actual stopping is what scared the heck out of me. I only knew one thing by then and that was how to survive with opiates. How would I do it without them? If I stopped, it had to be for good. No turning back.. That was 10 years ago
So listen to me, you can do this and you will do this. Sometimes along the way there will be setbacks but they are just that setbacks. Nothing permanent.
Your brother sounds like such a special person and one who loves you dearly. I know that you already know this but he is putting himself and his safety at risk every time he goes out to get your Suboxone for you. So lets take some of the pressure off of him and find you a provider.
I know the cost of a provider is high and so it the cost of buying them off of the streets. Even if you have to pay a provider once a month it will save you money in the long run depending on how much you are taking per day.
What dose do you have yourself on now? How often etc?
Again, welcome. I"m off to do some reading.
Dee

Hello Tiff!

I see you've met the wonderful women I told you about! Blue Eyes and Dee!
I told you they'd be a big help! More help than I was about answering your question!

As for the support and hope.. I'm more than happy that I could be there for you in your time of need! I'm happy that I was able to help you gain the strength you needed to make it through another night of withdrawal pain.

Hope is something all of us addicts need! Without hope and courage and strength we'd never be able to make it on recovery! I'm very happy and proud of to for how far you have made it! Even without a provider!

But Dee is right about your brother risking himself by buying them on the street. You need to did a provider ASAP and start doing things the legal way. I'm not saying you've been doing them the wrong way and I am not judging you at all! Please please please don't take it like I am. I'm just saying that getting the suboxone from a provider will make your life and your brothers life easier! And it will relieve a lot of stress off of you! Because you'll no longer hae to worry about running out of suboxone! And you'll no longer have to stress about waiting for your brother to get it for you!

Dee is also right about how much it costs on the street! Before I started recovery, when I was in active addiction, I used to buy suboxone when I couldn't find my DOC (Drug of choice). And when I was buying it then it was very expensive. Maybe if you out that money toward a doctors visit it won't be so hard. If your brother is paying for them, ask him to pay for a provider instead of buying them off of the street.

Again I am proud of you for how far you have made it! And I have faith in you making it further! The rest of your life out of active addiction!

Have a blessed day!

Much love! Jasmine

Good afternoon Jasmine and Dee !!!
It was THE LONGEST NIGHT EVER !!!! I really hope I dont have to do that again,its just getting harder and harder on my body to go through withdrawls,but its my reality for now...
Just to let you all know,MY BROTHER MADE IT DOWN HERE TO ME AN HOUR AGO !!!!!!!! And now I feel 1,000,000 % better !!!!
Now on to more pressing matters-Jasmine,I know you werent trying to judge me sweetie !!! I would never think you would judge me ,you were simply pointing out the obvious to me-Greg could get in deep doo doo for doing what he does for me and that would kill me,I dont think I could live with that on my shoulders...
I believe that is one of the reasons I'm actively,desperately trying to get into legal treatment !!!
And Dee I sent you PM and answered your email,I admit I was somewhat rambling,I was feeling like hell but I think I got out the answers you needed,if I didnt or I missed something please ask,I have nothing to hide in this journey,hiding from everything is what got me where I am today...I did forget to tell you my dose though,I am on 2 8mgs tabs a day...
Believe me when I say I understand the cost factors in this whole thing,I dont think I would have much problem paying the Dr. 150.00 a month,its the BIG CHUNK OF CASH at the start I cant come up with,the Dr. I spoke with today was 450.00 the first month and 150.00 monthly there after...The greatest thing my brother can do for me is cover me until my paychecks come and then I pay him check by check,I think I owe him something like 200.00 cash as of today and OMFG I sometimes feel like I'm gonna owe him from the afterlife !!!
I just know I need to get into a formal treatment setting because I dont wanna jeopardize Gregs freedom and in the long run its gonna be better for me...
If ya'll wanna know anything more,JUST ASK,I am here for help and I cant get helped without total honesty on my part !!!
Have a great day everyone and thanks so much for being here and caring !!!
much love,Tiff

It is no problem for me to be here and to care! That is what I am here for!
I joined this forum needing help and support and I am more than honored to be able to give somebody the strength, hope, courage, support and kind words that they gave to me when I first joined! These are some amazing ladies, Blue and Dee! And I am proud to know them and have them as a part of my support system.
And I am happy that you found this forum! And again say welcome to our forum family! We are a tight little group here and I am happy that you foud it and can be a part of it!

It always puts a smile on my face to see a new member, either new to suboxone or they have been on it a while like yourself.

Let me tell you a story about Rae (livelovelaugh), another member her on the forum. She is the whole reason why I joined! When I first started reading on the forum before I joined she was still in active addiction and came here for help and support. She wanted to get off of the DOC, which happened to be pills, that she was on and knew she wante to do it with suboxone, but she didn't know where to start. Dee and Blue talke to her and helped we find a provider.. Anyways I read her story from the beginning up until she started treatment and got on suboxone. Her sharing so much of herself and being so open is what gave me the strength/courage to join myself and start typing my first post!

I was once in your position! And now I am stronger because of this forum! They have taught me so much! And Dee and Blue give great advice! They are both amazing woman! Dee posted an article about dealing with stress that really helped me! And when I was in the hospital and was very sick they made a post letting everyone know that I was in there and asking them to pray for me. They also made a post saying "welcome home Jasmine" when I finally got out of the hospital after being there twice! Like I said they are amazing woman! They are so supportive and just so sweet!

You are an amazing woman too! You're strong and the fact that you've made it as Dara's you have proves it! You're determined! And to can do this I believe in you! And I am proud of you!

I know it's hard to find a provider that isn't too expensive. I have Medicaid so I didn't really have to worry about that. And I know it is hard to come up with the big chunk of money for the first visit. But $350 seems like so much! At my doc office it is only $150 for the first visit and $70 every visit after. Of course you are in a different state, I'm in Michigan by the way, and the cost of living could be different where you are at. But never the less we need to get you into a provider and get you doing things the legal way! I don't want your brother to have his freedom in danger more than you do!

Maybe Dee can give you a different list of suboxone doctors in your area and you can find a cheaper one. I know here they have programs for people with low income. Like clinics that are cheap if you can prove that you make less than -blank- amount each month. I'm not sure how much you make but you mentioned that you think you qualify for the Here to Help program that the makers of suboxone offer. That's the one where each doc can have 3 patients on at a time. I believe. I'm pretty sure. I tried to get myself on that waiting list because my insurance only covers suboxone for one year. And I don't think I'll be ready to get off by then and want to make sure I have other options so I'm not forced to do a fast taper.

I was taking 24mg/ day 2 months ago! And with some positive thinking and knowing its mostly in my head I was able to bring myself down to just 8mg once a day. At first I was lowering my dose by 1mg every few days. But one day I took my 8mg that I took every morning and left the house, not bringing anymore suboxone with me. I was gone from the house all day until late and night and didn't even think about taking more suboxone! I felt great! No withdrawal or anything, I was comfortable and a lot less tired! Blue and myself and I think Dee too believe that if you start feeling tired, more tired than usual, it is time to lower your dose by a mg or two. Anyways after only taking 8mg that day and feeling great I decided to stick with it. And a week later I was still feeling great! I was very uncomfortable on 24mg I felt like I was on too high of a dose and that I'd never be able to get off of it! After I lowered my dose I was a lot less tired, a lot less depressed, not constipated and felt like there was still hope! So I am finally at my lowest comfortable dose. I was so happy and Blue, Dee and Rae were so proud of me!

Anyways the point of telling you that was maye, if you're ready and I'm not trying to be pushy at all, you can try lowering your dose by 1mg at a time. Maybe like 1mg a week or something. If you're comfortable trying that. I figured it could help save you some money and help you conserve your suboxone. I take the strips and I believe they are cheaper than the tablets. And I know that they are supposed to be stopping the production of the tablets in the next few months. I LOVE the strips! They dissolve SO much faster! And they are easy to cut up into diff doses for when I taper my dose again. But like I said only try to lower your dose if you are comfortable with it! And only do 1mg at a time.. So instead of taking 16mg you'll take 15. Blue Eyea our moderated just lowered here dose from 8mg to 7mg. And back when she feat started te forum she started a thread about how she was starting to taper from 16mg! In less than a year she was able to bring herself down a whole 9mg! So maybe you can try that! It can't hurt anything. If you go down 1mg and feel uncomfortable or have any withdrawal or cravings just take that 1mg and you'll be fine.

Sorry I've written so much. I feel like I may have been rambling a bit! I just get so carried away. I guess I'm just a talkative person!

PS- Tiff, I replied to your other post under "Thought for Today" So you know. Didn't know if you saw it lol.

Have a blessed night!

Much love! - Jasmine

Jasmine you are such a sweetheart !!! I am so happy to have met you and hope to know you more as I spend more time here..
I have been tapering myself down for about 6 months now,for just that reason,to conserve what I am able to get and I have come from taking 20 mgs a day down to 16,so I believe it will be possible to continue my taper over the coming months...
You truly are a treasure,I love seeing your replies and never apologize for thinking you've said too much,you say as much as you feel you need to,your words come from your heart and have such a caring honesty to them that they touch my heart and give me warmth and comfort just when I need it...Jasmine you are a joy to hear from,I hope to always have you here for me...
Thanks again sweetie and as always much love~Tiff

I'm glad to be here for you! And I am glad that I was able to make you happy, make you smile and provide you with comfort in your time of need!

I appreciate your honesty and I admire that you were able to come here and get help from someone you have never met before. I know I was really scared to!! You're a sweetheart as well! And I appreciate the compliment!

I'm glad that you have been able to taper your dose! Its not always easy! I'm proud that you went from 20mg to 16mg! That's great! And I hope that you will be able to continue your taper!

Right now I am just laying my son down to go to bed. I haven't told you much about him yet! He is 2 and will be 3 on March 18th! Gosh they grow up so fast! He is a smart little bugger too! He can already count to 20 recognize numbers 1 through 10 and spell his own name!

But that's enough about me! Lol. I feel like I've already told enough! But I like to share with the people I care about the things that I care about in my life!

Hello Tiff!
Just wondering how you are doing!
Please check in and let us know!

I know I haven't been around in a few days.
I had to help out a friend who was sick and had to go to the hospital. I had two kids plus my two kids. I was staying at her house where there was no Internet. So I'm sorry that I was not here. But I'm here now!

Have a wonderful night tonight and a blessed day tomorrow!

Much love! Jasmine

Hi sweetie,been sick and in the hospital,check out:CHECKING IN left a message on there
love and missed you sweetie !!!
Much Love always~Tiff

I went and posted on te checking In part where to posted.

Hope you're feeling better!

Much low! Jasmine

I posted there too !!! LOL

Responding to new and nervous! Welcome

Hello Tiffany just wondering how you were doing! Missing you around here!

Check in and let us know how things are going for you!

I've kept you in my prayers!

Much love. Jasmine