My story: New to the forum

Hello my name is Jasmine I am a 20 year old recovering opiate addict. I started taking Vicodin when I was 14 when I had surgery for a kidney stone.. And that's when it all started. As I got older my tolerance went up and I moved up to stronger drugs. Six months ago, I was doing 3 100 mcg/hr Fentanyl patches when I realized I was out of control and I had let my life get so messed up. I realized I had other options and checked myself into a suboxone detox center after 5 days of suboxone I was feeling great and loved it! And was very surprised when they did not send me home with a script. Because I thought I was going home with one, I was mistaken. So shortly after detox I relapsed, but I was determined not to go back to that horrible life I was living and bringing my son into so I called around for days and eventually found this wonderful amazing place called EDM (Every Day Matters) Treatment center. I have been on suboxone for about 4 months now and couldn't be more happy about the direction my life is going in. Finally feeling normal, back on my feet, looking for a job and not another fix. Suboxone is my wonder drug, and it is for many other people too! I know where I'd be without it-Dead! It saved my life. I have been reading posts on this forum for a couple days now and found it to be a very helpful and close bunch and just wanted to be a part of this amazing support system! Thanks for reading my post.

Hi Jasmine,
It is good to have you here with us. I am happy for you in your recovery and so glad that instead of giving up, you moved ahead to find a provider to see.
Life is good and with the help of Suboxone it can be better. It helps to keep us sane and let us concentrate on the important things in life.

How old is your son? I take it that is him in your profile picture, he is a cutie.
My name is Dee and I am the admin of the forum. Our moderator is Blue Eyes and I'm sure she will be along soon to say hello and welcome you as well.
I've been a Suboxone patient for about 6 1/2 years now. I know that to most people it sounds like a long time, but I am alive today and that is all that matters.
I do attend one on one counseling and group therapy as well. I feel it is important to put into your recovery what you expect to get out of it.
Addiction leaves behind so much baggage and it helps to get it out and work on the issues instead of stuffing them down to fester. That's my point of view anyway.
I just wanted to welcome you and invite you to post anytime. If you have any questions or concerns please don't hesitate to let us know and we will do what we can to help.

Thank you Dee I sure wont hesitate to post! My son will be 3 March 18th so about 4 months. He is my life. He is one of the big reasons I went into recovery because what is he going to do without his mother? I was afraid for myself and afraid for him without me. So I knew I needed to quit and I thought my only option was methadone and the detox center introduced me to suboxone. I immediately knew it was exactly what I needed. I go to N/A meetings twice a week and one on one therapy once a week. I am currently on 24mg/day (3 8mg strips) Actually this just started. I was on 16mg/day but was still have w/d symptoms so my doc upped my dose to get me stabilized.

I struggle with my addiction a lot because I have bipolar:mania. It causes me to be very impulsive and I make decisions before I even know what I'm doing. I don't give myself a chance to think about things. I also have ADHD which can cause similar things. So I am seeing therapist to get proper meds and get these disorders I've had since I was a kid under control for the first time in 7 years! Just wanted to add this sorry for posting again.

Hello Jasmine and welcome to our forum !!

Congratulations on getting your life back ! You've taken the steps to stay out of active addiction and your on your way to a drug free life !

I've been on Suboxone for about 10 months and it certainly has saved my life as well.

When I came off pain pills I was taking anywhere up to 25-30 pills a day (Norco's) and ended up snorting Opana 40's too.

I am looking forward to hearing more from you !

Take care,
Blue

Thank you Blue! (: Im really glad that I found this forum! I've learned a lot from what I've read and am looking forward to sharing more also!

Please don't ever feel like you have to apologize for posting too much. Post as much and as often as you like. We love hearing from our members.
Glad to have you

My problem right now is my ADHD and bipolar syndrome. It causes me to change my mind a lot and do things impulsively... Stupid things.

Good Evening,

Are your impulsive choices drug related?
I guess I mean, are you taking enough Suboxone so that opiates are not even on your mind? Therefore you have no urges or cravings at all??

Thanks !!!

I mean I don't have any withdrawals at all. And I'm on the maximum dose of suboxone. I don't really have urges and cravings. I don't really know how to explain it. I guess it like, I just miss the high. I don't miss this lifestyle I was living and would never want to go back to that. But I am depressed and that high always made me forget about it. I'm going to talk to my doc to get on depression meds on Monday so I hope that helps. But I'm really struggling with it.

Right now you are going through what a lot of people go through. Missing the high. If your doctor decides you need it, you can go up on your dose. The highest dose of Suboxone is 32mg. Anything after 32mg won't really do you any good. It could be that 24mg is the limit that your provider sets for his/her patients.
Have you heard the saying that with Suboxone, less is more? It may sound strange but it's true. Most people benefit on the lower doses. I am not telling you to lower your dose, not at all. The first thing is to get you on the dose that is right for you. If you can get to that point, you will feel so much better.

A lot of people go through missing the high. It helps forget about being bored, tension and stress. But after the high all you have left is more tension and stress.
What are some of the things that cause you to become depressed? It might help for you to if you don't already start keeping a journal of how you feel. What you are doing when you start to feel the depression coming on. What do you do to bring yourself out of it? Does it help to stay busy or talk to someone in particular?

It takes courage to come on here and talk to someone you haven't met yet and I think your doing a great job. You will be able to get this straightened out. Hopefully soon you will be able to get on the medication you need to help.
Keep coming back!!

My doc said 24 is the maximum dose he can give. So I don't think he will take me up any higher. He just raised it to 24 from 16. Me and my fiancé just bought a house and it is taking a lot time to get finished, that depresses me a lot. It was supposed to be finished 2 weeks ago we had plans for thanksgiving and now they are saying it may not be done until Christmas. Right now we are staying with our parents since our landlord we rented from at our old apartment went to prison for doing some illegal things, not really sure what it was but it had to do with his renting. And I really only have my fiancé to talk to, both my parents are addicts and are not clean so I had to take that out of my life and that is very depressing since I have no contact with them but it is the best thing for me because one does heroin and the other does what I did. My fiancé works a lot and leaves me home with two kids. He has a baby from a previous relationship who's mother isn't around. I get bored and depressed sitting in the house with nobody to talk to feeling like I have no friends. Because most of my friends got high or got me the drugs to get high I had to stop talking to them as well. But talking to you guys is helping a lot. And I do keep a journal. My therapist suggested it. I started one when I was in detox and write in it often. Old why exactly I feel the way I do and I would like to not feel this way. I feel all alone like I'm the only one feeling this way. Which I know isn't true. But I have nobody around me in my life at the moment. I am currently looking for a sponsor but am having no luck finding one I am comfortable telling anything to. But for some reason I comfortable telling you guys on this forum. Mainly because I read a lot and you guys are very supportive and sweet. Thanks for listening.

If you could get into a women's recovery group it may help give you someone near you to talk to about things. Not just addiction but life in recovery as well.
I know just how you feel. When I stopped using I knew that I had to change everything and that also meant the people that I spent most of my time with. I had to let go of friends but in reality I realized they weren't really my friends, only acquaintances. Without drugs we had nothing in common.
I attend a women's group and have met a couple of great people. I don't really hang out with them but going to group every week helps. I am able to talk about normal everyday things and not just focus on my past.
Sometimes it is tough but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am able to wake up and face the day.
Have a good night and I will check in with you in the morning.
Dee

Thank you for the advice. I go to N/A meeting every week sometimes up to three times a week. I try to go as much as possible. I just haven't met anybody that I feel comfortable talking to about everything. I do think a woman's recovery group is a very good idea thank you. I just saw my doctor today and he put me on Prozac and Abilify. I am happy for this but it does suck a little because it can take weeks to a month to start working.

Hello !
I'm glad the Dr put you on the meds you needed - soon you'll be feeling better !

I know just how your feeling about losing people you THOUGHT were your friends.
It's happened to me !

Is there anyone that you've lost touch with during your addiction that you can maybe
get back in touch with ? Make amends with?
Maybe that's an angle you can take ?? Just a thought.

It worked for me with some family members that I lost contact with !

That is a good suggestion thank you! I never thought about it that way. It's just been so long.. I am not sure that i will be able to make amends. I did so many terrible things and hurt so many people because of my addiction, I have lost many good friends and family members. And I feel very bad and it may be hard to get them back.

We have all done things while in active addiction that we would never think of doing otherwise.
what Blue has suggested may help.
Once people see that you have changed and that you are not the person you once were they will slowly start to accept you.
It may take awhile but it is a start.

Yeah I have thought a lot about what Blue said and have decided to do it no latter how painful it may be. My fiancé has finally come to realize the different person I am now is not who I was before. Thanks for your support guys. I really appreciate it!

I am glad your reaching out to people now.
And like Dee said, none of us are proud of things we did while in active addiction !
But, its behind you now, and I think you'll be surprised how forgiving people are.
Especially family.
My family has come together to support me, in ways I never imagined.
I only wish the same for you !!!

Take care!

Thank you guys for being so supportive. I am glad to have the chance to be a part of this! And glad to be getting the support you guys have to offer.

Your very welcome sweety !!!

I have a big problem! Idk what to do! So I went to the pharmacy to pick up my script and they said my prior authorization has expired (which it shouldn't because I had it for another 6 months! So main thing is I can't get my sub until my doc calls on Monday. I have to wait until Monday because they are closed for the holidays. :'(

Did they try to put the script through a second time? Sometimes that works when
it won't go through the first time for various reasons.
If your authorization is good for 6 more months, I would ask to speak to the manager at the pharmacy.

Your doctor should have an "On call" call service where you can reach him in emergencies like this....did you try that?
If it's something they can do over the phone, then don't give up trying to get in
touch with him.

Do you have enough Suboxone to make it until Monday ?

There is no on call service. I have to wait until Monday. I ended up paying cash for enough to last me until Monday. Cost me damn near $200. But it's definitely worth it. I was really freakig out though. Thanks for your advice though. I have had a problem filling it every time so far. I am really getting sick of it. But enough about me. How are you doing with your recovery if you don't mind me asking. I've been wondering about you guys you've helped me a lot. And I'd like a chance to hear about you some more.

I'm glad you got some to make it through the holiday weekend .

Have you had a chance to look around the forum at some other threads?
We had a new member just start treatment and I'm sure could use some
more support !

And as far as me, here's my link to the one thread I try to keep active and might
give you some background to what I'm going through:

https://suboxone.forumotion.com/t1299-my-dose-struggle

Thanks for asking !!

What are your plans for thanksgiving?