When I first started in recovery, I had a lot of guilt and shame over the things I had done in my active addiction. I really beat myself up over missing parts of my children's lives and what I had done to everyone who cared about me. I couldn't let it go, I wanted to find a way to literally take back all of the hurt and pain I had caused. Someone in one of my groups that had more recovery time under their belt told me this....What would happen if you drove your car down the road looking in the rearview mirror without ever looking forward? Of course I replied that I would wreck. Then the person said living your recovery is like driving a car. You glance in the rearview mirror to make sure nothing is going to hit you in the a$$, then you continue on looking forward to make sure you don't wreck. They told me that if I kept looking back I would wreck my recovery, just to glance at my past and be aware of it then continue to live my life looking forward. It really helped me to realize that I couldn't be successful in my recovery if I kept living in the past. Now I try to do exactly what my friend suggested, I look back at my mistakes to make sure that nothing is going to sneek up on me then I move on looking toward the future. It has really helped me to realize that I can't change what I did, I can only change what I am doing today, and by doing the right things now, I am healing the wounds of the past and avoiding inflicting any more pain on the people I love and the community in general.
I hope this makes sense to someone else and maybe it will help someone to let go of the guilt and shame they may feel.
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