I am new and "I need help"!!!

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Hi I am 34 years old and I am a opiate addict. I am getting on the suboxone program on October 24th after I have an assement with a counsler. I have been addicted to opiates for about 6 years now. I went to rehab in 2006 and was clean for about a year after that then I relapsed, I went to rehab again in January of 2011 and only three days out of rehab I relapsed. Before I went to rehab the second time my drug of choice was ultram. I also would do hydrocodone alot and sometimes percoset. After the second treatment I got alot worse. I would take about 15 ultrams or hydrocodones a day and started sniffing morphine and methadone. I am spending all my money on these drugs I am even spending money I do not have. I bounce checks if I dont have money to buy drugs. I do this because I cannot stand the withdrawel feeling. When I dont have any drugs for the next day, I will not go to work. I will call in and say I am sick or will make something up. I am probably pretty close to getting fired because of all the time I miss. I just feel like I cant do this anymore, these drugs are ruining my life and my relationship with my husband, he sees every check i write and i feel so bad for bouncing the checks but I would rather do that than withdrawel. So feeling like I cannot go on like this anymore I found a doctor that prescribes suboxone and made an appointment with him. He was amazed when I told him how many drugs i took a day and that I took them everyday. He referred me to a counsler to get a assement and he said once I did that I can start the suboxone program and that he would see me the same day I get the assement so I am thinking that I am going to be starting it on the 24th of October. He also gave me Ultram so I wouldnt withdrawel until then so I thought that was pretty nice of him. So now I am getting scared and am dreading the 24th. I am feeling like I am going to miss getting high too much and am dreading giving it up. I also dont know what Suboxone feel like. I have never done one before. So I guess I am a bit confused. I feel like I have to go on the program because opiates are ruining my life, but on the other hand I dont want to give up being able to get high. If someone can please help me I would greatly appreciate it.

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:01 pm

Hi Brandy,
It is good to have you here with us. My name is Dee and I am the manager of the forum.
First thing, take a deep breath and try to relax, I know this is a scary time for you and that you have a lot of questions. I am here to do whatever I can to help.
You are not alone. If there is ever a time that you need someone to talk to I promise that if you come here, I will be here for you along with our other members.
It may take me a few hours to get to you but I will be here.

I apologize for not responding to you sooner, I am currently working on our website and the forum at the same time. It has been slow around here lately so I have been absent. Now that I know your here and need help I will make it a point to be here everyday.

I am glad that your doctor seems to be caring enough to not want you to suffer from withdrawal before your appointment for the assessment. Just make sure that you stop taking the Ultram before your induction onto Suboxone, other wise you place yourself at risk for precipitated withdrawal.
I think one of the biggest factors that keep people from seeking recovery is the withdrawal, no one wants to go through it and it seems like every time you do, it gets worse each time. I know that is the way it was with me.

Before starting Suboxone, you will need to be in mild to moderate withdrawal but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. How does your family feel about your starting Suboxone? Have you told them about it yet?

If you don't mind, I'd like to suggest that you call the doctor who will be your provider and make sure that you will be starting Suboxone the same day as your assessment. Find out if they will be doing the induction in the office or if you will be expected to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy and start at home.
It used to be that it was always done in the doctors office so they could keep an eye on your and adjust the medication as needed. But more and more doctors are allowing the patients to do it at home. This is why I wanted you to check with your doctor. Either way I will be here to help you with anything that you need. Just let me know what that is. okay.

you mentioned that you don't know what Suboxone is like. It is different for everyone. Suboxone is a partial opioid and in non-opioid tolerant people they will feel it and it can be abused. But for someone who will be taking it for addiction, you might feel a little bit of euphoria at first some do and some don't. But what is important is that Suboxone was designed to do a couple of things, take away withdrawal and eliminate cravings for other opiates. That is why so many people call it a miracle drug but to be honest, it isn't a miracle at all. The miracle begins with the patient.
Let me know if there is anything I can do or if you have any questions, I am here to help.
Welcome!

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Hi Dee, thanks for replying to me. Can you explain induction? Thank you!!

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Fri 21 Oct 2011, 10:04 pm

When you go in for the Induction the doctor should check you for any signs of withdrawal along with taking a history of drug abuse. Since you already said that you told him about the drugs you were taking how often and how much he will probably talk to you a little bit about Suboxone.
Once it is determined that you are in withdrawal he should give you about 2mg of Suboxone to place under your tongue to dissolve. Normally your doctor will check you after about an hour to see how you respond to the medication, if you are still in withdrawal he can give you another 2mg and so on not going over 8mg on the first day.
Sometimes if the patient is responding to the medication and the withdrawal is subsiding they are sent home with directions to come back the next day to be checked to see how you are doing and the next days dose is given.

Suboxone is a strong medication, I know that 2mg doesn't seem like much but it is. With Suboxone it seems that later on, the less of the medication you take the more it helps. Hence the saying "less is more"
During that first week most doctors like to keep in touch with their patients to make sure that are doing okay and not having any withdrawals or cravings. If you don't have any withdrawal but still experience cravings your dose may have to be adjusted a little bit. Make sure you talk to your doctor and let him know how you are feeling. Don't be afraid to talk to him. He won't know unless you tell him. Be honest and up front.

Some doctors give their patients a prescription to take home with them on the first day with instructions for day 2 and so on with a follow up the next week or two.
If you have any questions that you want to ask him, write them down before your appointment. Don't rely on your memory to remember. You will have a lot on your mind that first day and it will be easy to leave something out.
Make sure the provider that you are going to has someone on call at all times in case of emergency or if you have to contact him for questions about your treatment. Find out how long it takes to get an appointment if you do happen to have questions.

It would be a good idea for you to start making sure you are eating right and taking in plenty of fluids. I know that you don't want to talk about withdrawal and no one likes to go through it but you will have to before you start Suboxone.
It wouldn't hurt to take a multi vitamin each day as well. Keep in mind that although you will have some discomfort, it will be worth it.
Suboxone will give you the opportunity to get yourself back on track, go to work like you should and enjoy your family.
I will be here with you every step of the way.
Have a good weekend and if you need me, I'll be here- even over the weekend.
Dee

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Hi Dee, thanks so much for all of the advice and for being here for me, it sure does mean alot. I had to reschedule my assessment which I had scheduled for Monday, I am pretty bummed about it but I couldnt come up with the $180 to have it done. So i am going to have to reschedule it for next week. Crying or Very sad

Also, to see this doctor for the suboxone I have to drive 1.5 to 2 hours to see him, thats another downer, but I am going to do it because I have no other choice. The doctor is also new at this program, so I am just hopeful that he is experienced enough with addiction, etc. I am not sure if he will be starting me on it in the office or not...but can you drive on it? To answer another one of your questions, no my family does not know. My husband doesnt understand addiction but he does know I have a problem with it, since he has been with me thru two treatments and mulitple detox's off of drugs. The last treatment I went thru he said if I relapse again, our marriage will be over. Well I relapsed but he doesnt know that. I think he suspects because I am always broke but I wont tell him. So he doesnt know that I am going to be going on the suboxone. I really dont know what to think about that but I will probably tell him in the near future. As of right now I am pretty scared what my life is coming to because of these drugs, that I feel i need to take everyday because I cant stand the feeling of withdrawel. I am just feeling so hopeless right now...=(

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Sat 22 Oct 2011, 11:59 pm

I understand the hopeless feeling and when you feel like your alone it is even worse. Usually it is a good idea to have someone with you to drive after the appointment but if you don't have anyone you will have to do it yourself. Just make sure you take it easy okay.

I take it that you don't have any type of health insurance or that the doctor doesn't take what you have. Is there anyway that you would qualify for medicaid?

As soon as you can, I would talk to your husband about the relapse. If your afraid to tell him before starting the treatment then tell him after. A lot of families don't understand much about addiction, the word itself is taboo. It's not that they don't want to understand but just don't know how. Now days though, with treatments and medications to help us manage our addictions things can change. Main thing is, don't beat yourself up because of the relapse. It happens to a lot of people, myself included. Before I was able to take a medication to help me manage my addiction I had been in and out of more treatment facilities and detox centers then I care to remember. I always did good for while. At one point I stayed in recovery for about 2 years until I had to have surgery. I can't just blame it on being put on pain killers after surgery though, after being in so many treatment facilities in the past I had the tools in my "toolbox" but something in me just didn't work right. Nothing felt right. Now I feel like I am balanced. If that makes any sense.
Good luck on making the new appointment. Hopefully you will be able to get in. Let me know what you find out.
I will talk to you again soon.
Dee

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Thu 27 Oct 2011, 11:04 pm

Very sound and fine advise you gave, Dee. I hope Brandy gets back with the doctor and starts to heal. I've been on the film for about six months now and find it so much better. It goes down smoother.

I've got an early day, so I must get some rest. Brandy, hon give it a chance and it will give you chance. I promise it will. After the pain comes the pleasure.

Yours in the struggle,
Barbara

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Thu 27 Oct 2011, 11:25 pm

Thank you Barbara,
It is always good to see you. I'm glad to know that you are doing well. Take care and keep in touch.

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Fri 28 Oct 2011, 7:33 am

[b][i]
Hi Brandy,
My name is Marie. I've been away for a bit and I was reading your posts and could feel your pain.
I had a few thoughts as I was reading. First,the thought of withdrawal is horrible and going thru it is even worse. Once you decide you really ready I promise it won't be a decision you will regret. It's hard to let go of something and move on to the unknown.
The money you will have to put out to go to the Dr. for the Suboxone may be less than what you spending now. You no longer will have to bounce checks. I remember them days all too well.

As for your husband perhaps you can pull together some info and copy it and ask him to read it when he has the time. He needs to be as educated about addiction as much as we do. For those that have never been addicted can not understand it. Heck,i often don't understand it myself after all this time. I've been to several rehabs myself but until Suboxone I was never able to stay clean for any sort of time.
The Suboxone takes the craving away and that's a blessing in itself.

There is a very good chance your husband already knows that you have relapased. Once you make the decision to get on Suboxone you will want to have a good honest talk with him. You head will be in a different place and you will feel that being honest is the best way to go. Often we think other ppl don't know we using when in fact they do.

I hope you'll be able to keep your appt. for Monday.
Often saying good bye to our "friend" the pills can be scary. you don't have to leave in fear any longer. You can be free and move on to bigger and better things.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

Marie I love you

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Hi all, thanks so much for the replys. I had to reschedule my appt. for the assessment and it is now on November 7th at 10:00 a.m. the counslor said that she will need up to 2 days to type it up after and get it to the doctor. So I will be making the appointment with the doctor on November 9th and that should be my first day of suboxone. Dee, yes I do have insurance, I have Blue Cross, but my copay is 20% so that is why I have to pay the $180. And I will be telling my husband, I dont like lying to him, he is such a great man and he puts up with me with everything I go thru and all my struggles in life.

Brandy

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Fri 28 Oct 2011, 3:59 pm

Brandy,
The makers of Suboxone have a discount card that patients can use towards $45 off of the co-pay for your prescription each month.
Originally the promotion was to expire last month. But they have extended it so you can go to their website and print out the card. Every little bit helps.
I'll give you the link so you can check it out. It has been extended until March 2012
http://suboxone.com/patients/here_to_help/copay.aspx?cid=subx

I have been lucky enough to find a man that also has had to put up with a lot. When we first met, I was still using and he knew it. I told him at one point that I would never stop and had no desire to stop. I think anyone else would have took off for the highest hills he could find but not him. He stayed with me through everything I put him through. He was there for me and my son as well. My son loves him like a dad and has called him dad for a number of years now.
I am lucky to have the family that I have and I appreciate them every day that I have with them.

Check in as often as you can to let us know how things are going for you okay.
Have a good weekend and take care.

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Hi again...thanks for the info on the sub. films. My sister and brother in law buy subs off of the street, and they like them. I have never tried them so I am not sure what they are getting off of them. I did not tell them that I will be going on subs soon, I know better than that. I am sure they would be bugging me for them. So I am keeping this to myself. Everything is going ok here i guess. I am just really worried about the induction and how they are going to make me feel. But I have to do this...I cannot live like this anymore I need to get my life back. I want to thank everyone for all the advise and well wishes it sure means alot. =)

Brandy

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Sun 30 Oct 2011, 12:27 am

Don't worry, as long as you make sure that you do not take any opiates before your induction and are in withdrawal when you do start, you will be find. You will be amazed at how you will feel.
Suboxone will take away your withdrawal and cravings as well.

When people buy them off of the streets it is usually one of three reasons,
1. They are trying to stay well until they can find something else
2. They are self medicating themselves for recovery
3. If they are non opioid tolerant they are using them to get high.

If I were you I would definitely keep them away from them as you said, do not let them know you even have them. Doctors usually don't replace Suboxone when a patient tells them they have been stolen.
If you don't have a lockbox and they will be around, I strongly suggest buying one and hiding it.

You have a lot to look forward to, be happy and try to relax. The unknown can be scary I know and it is normal to wonder what will happen, what will it feel like and will I feel normal. Those are a few of the questions that people ask themselves.
We will be here to help you and answer any questions that you may have. Just remember no question is an unimportant one.

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Thanks Dee =)

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Hi All, I guess I just have a question or would like some feed back on what you all think about this...I applied for a suboxone program twice with another doctor before I found this other doctor. And I was denied both times. The first time I attempted they said that Suboxone is not for everyone and that if I wanted recovery to keep a clear mind and that I can achieve sobriety by rehab, counseling and meetings. Well i did that before twice now and failed. So after failing again after my second treatment I reapplied again and they turned me down again by saying subs are not for everyone and repeated again that if I wanted sobriety to keep a clear mind, etc. So I found this other doctor and he said that all I need to do is get a assessment and he would prescribe them to me. I am just wondering if anyone on here is on the suboxone therapy/program for opiate pain killer addiction like me (hydrocodone, percoset, ultram, morphine etc.) and do you think that it is going to benifit me? My assessment is still on for Monday and I have the doctors appt. set up for the Wednesday right after the assessment so I am thinking that is when he will be prescribing me the suboxone. I am just really worried about it and how it is going to make me feel. I still have not told my husband about it. I feel really guilty about it but he is totally against pain killers. I just hope after all i go thru I can actually take the medication and am not too scared. I think if I had my husbands support on this i would feel better about it and not have so much anxiety about taking the medication. Like the doctor that denied me for the program said that Suboxone is not a miracle drug that if you just take the pill you will be cured...well i understand that. That the medication is just one part of the recovery...I am not sure what I am trying to say here I just feel like I am hopeless. Also another question I have..., do they inform your regular doctor that you are being prescribed the subs because you are dependent on opiates? I dont want my regular doctor to know, not bc I would want to go back in the future for opiates, its just that I dont want him to know that I am a addict and all the times i went to him for pain killers I was just drug seeking!?!?! Also, I do understand that you CANNOT take suboxone and opiates at the same time. And after all this I am doing to get into the program I am not ever going to take another opiate again. I am so disgusted with myself for getting this bad on pain pills and how much I let them control my life. and I hate myself for it!!! =( If anyone can relate or has anything they can share with me I would appreciate it. I am just so confused and hurt right now I dont know what to do with myself.

Brandy

P.S. I hope atleast some of what I wrote tonite makes sense. =( Thanks again to all for your preious posts. I have no one else to talk to about this. Only my sister knows I am going into this program and I am not sure if that was a wise choice either to tell her for she is a opiate addict also. She wants the same thing as I do to be sober but isnt making the steps to try to achieve it like I am.

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

My assessment is tomorrow at 10:00 .a.m. and then my induction is on Wednesday...I am so nervous!!!

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Sun 06 Nov 2011, 10:05 pm

Hi brandy,
I wrote a response to your last post but honestly don't know where it went to. I will check in my drafts folder and see if it is in there.

I know that you must be really nervous about tomorrow, and that is understandable you have been waiting for a long time for this. When you go in for the assessment, you will probably be asked questions about your history, medical history, drug usage history etc.
Nobody is there to judge you. Try to be as honest as you can, everything will be okay.

when you have your induction, I will make sure I am here that day in case you need someone to talk to or have any questions. okay.
Let me go take a look for that other post. I will post it if I find it.
Dee

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Mon 07 Nov 2011, 10:53 am

Good morning,
The doctor that told you Suboxone isn't for everyone. Where or how did you find him/her?
I ask because not all doctors prescribe Suboxone and not all of them believe that it can help. Some view Suboxone as another excuse to keep the addict addicted to medication. Harsh words I know, but the truth never the less.
He is right though, Suboxone isn't for everyone and not every doctor should prescribe it. There are some who believe that if a doctor can write a prescription for opiates then he should have to prescribe Suboxone as well. Some doctors have the mindset that addiction is a choice, please don't feel hopeless, there is hope and you do have a choice as to what type of treatment you receive.
I do believe that Suboxone should be available to everyone who needs it.
About doctors talking to your regular doctor about your being a Suboxone patient. According to HIPPA Regulations, your medical records are private information. Sometimes some agencies do have access to your information. If your state participates in a prescription monitoring program, your regular doctor may very well be able to view your records.
Before entering into treatment, some providers require you to sign a release as a part of their program giving them permission to access a copy of your records. My provider did.
If your doesn't, somewhere down the line though, I would recommend that you tell your primary care provider that you are a Suboxone Patient. It would be better to hear it directly from you. I wouldn't be afraid of him finding out that you used him as a source for your prescriptions. Believe it or not doctors know a lot more than we think they do. They've seen it all and most of them are supportive when we tell them what was going on and that we have sought out help.

As for telling your sister about starting Suboxone, maybe it will give her the incentive she needs to seek treatment. Just remember to remove temptation by putting your medication out of reach.
Good luck with your assessment appointment, please check in later when you get done.

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Hi Dee, it turned out I had to reschedule my assessment for next week. I just could not come up with the 180 for it which I am so bummed. So my assessment will be next wednesday with the induction being on Friday now =( Sooo bummed!!!

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Mon 07 Nov 2011, 8:14 pm

Ah I'm sorry to hear that brandy. Is there a chance that you can find a provider that you can afford? I know it's hard especially when you are ready and all that is needed is the funding part.

How are you doing? Do you still have any of the Ultram left? Have you checked to see if your regular doctor is a provider? Check on the physician locator and see if his/her name comes up.

There are two locators on this page. Try it and see what you come up with, if you need any help let me know.
http://suboxoneassistedtreatment.org/12.html

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Hi Dee, there are very few doctors that prescribe suboxone in my area and my regular doctor does not. =( I found another doctor on the list that I am going to call in the morning. I believe I already tried to call him and there was no answer at his office but he is listed. Yes I have Ultram and I am running very low. So I am not sure what I am going to do until then...=(

Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it.

Brandy

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Just an update I may of made some progress...I found a different facility to do an assessment for me to send to the Dr. that I am trying to go thru for the suboxone therapy and they do not charge the $180..and they send it to the doctor right away so doing it this way it seems like there is going to be less waiting. So I am feeling a little better now.

Another note..my long time ex boyfriend passed away today at the age of 35. he had complete liver/kidney failure and it took his life. he had four young children at home so its a very sad day in our community right now. =(

Subject: Re: I am new and "I need help"!!! Sat 12 Nov 2011, 9:37 pm

I am sorry for your loss brandy. It is always hard to lose someone and when you lose someone to suicide people always wonder if there was something they could have/should have done to stop it.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

For some reason I thought the doctor and the assessment were wrapped up into one facility. I didn't realize they were two different places. When you are able to get in to see the doctor, what will his cost be?
Sorry for all of the questions, I am used to everything being under one roof except for the actual prescription. When is the appointment for your assessment?
I hope it is soon as I would like to see you be able to start your new life.

Subject: How are you Brandy Wed 16 Nov 2011, 8:27 pm

Hey brandy,
I wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing? Haven't heard anything out of you lately. Any news on when you might be able to get your assessment done?
Let me know how things are going and how you are okay.
I get kind of concerned when members don't check in after while. I don't want you to become overwhelmed with trying to tough it out until your able to start treatment.
Even if your having a bad day it's okay to post.
Sometimes our members feel bad if they post about the stuff that is bothering them as they are afraid of bring people down. But I can assure you, it's okay.
We here to support you, that's all.

Number of posts : 30 Registration date : 2011-10-18

Hi Dee..sorry it has been so long but I have been going thru a tough time. I MADE PROGRESS THO!!! =D I had my assessment done yesterday, I went thru a different facility and was approved by them to go on suboxone. So now I have a appointment with the suboxone doctor on Monday. The assessment place and sub doctor were actually in the same building and first of all he said to go thru them for the assessment but I found another place that actually has a sub. program but are full. So they did my assessment and forwarded the results to my original sub. doctor. When the new place has an opening I am going to transfer there because I am in out patient treatment now, starting yesterday. My assessment was pretty tough. I cried thru half of it. She wanted me to go into detox and an inpatient program but I cannot do that right now. So she recommends suboxone to get me doing a little bit better than I am right now. SO...my induction is on MONDAY!! And this visit is covered by insurance. Hopefully i didnt confuse you too much with all of that. I am from a small area and there are only three places that I have heard from that prescribes suboxone around here. So its not easy to get on it.

To continue on about my hard couple weeks, I think I might of hit an all time low. With my ex-boyfriend dying from liver failure really opened up my eyes. We were very close at one point in our lives. We were together for 7 years. We were split up for 10 years now but he was my first love and still had love for him to this day.

I will update more later...thanks for caring <3