Beth, New Suboxone Provider

Subject: Re: Beth, New Suboxone Provider Sun 06 Sep 2009, 11:34 am

Beth,
As for the up coming job and juggling "home life" it might be a little easier for you to not look at the full plate that you have in front of you. Instead try, looking at your plate as half full.
Before you take the final step into this job, please talk it all over with Matt. I know that he has in the past said it was okay for you to work and I know the money is desperately needed. I'm sure he'll still have no problem with you taking the job. What I am talking about goes back to the way he was raised.
I feel that as long as he feels that he had some part in the decision, he will give you full blessings.
I don't agree with him, and you know that. I only want this to be as easy for you as possible.
About the Suboxone,
When you are able to get back on your stable dose of 16mg you should feel much better.
You are one of the strongest people that I know of. I say people and not women because I don't know of many men let alone women that are as strong as you.
Thinking of you,
Dee

Subject: Re: Beth, New Suboxone Provider Sun 06 Sep 2009, 5:31 pm

Beth, New Suboxone Provider - Page 2 Believ11

Dee,
Thank you very much for your constant support & encouragement. You are what I consider a true friend to actually be like. It's amazing because you, as well as Cathy, have become the type of friends to me that I consider fortunate to have found. I believe that most people can count their "true friends" on one hand. You don't come across too many of these kinds of friendships & bonds that we have formed throughout the past 9-10 months. Coming up on a year of when I first joined this precious forum.
About my work situation, Matt wants me to be working again! The winter is coming & we need the cash. He just has to remember that he has to be here with these kiddos while I am working & that also includes the "home duties" that are most certainly expected of me while he is at work. When I was working the second shift telemarketing job this past winter/spring, I had all of my daily home duties, of course including the children, making dinner for everyone (although I wasn't able to be home to eat the meal I prepared for the family) Then, everyday, I was running out the door to start my shift at 5:45pm & ended at 10:45pm. It was about a twenty five minute drive on the way due to rush hour, but usually only about 15-20 minute drive home at 11 at night. What about killed me though is when I walked back into the house & it looked like a bomb had gone off!!!! Shocked

The dinner plates would still be on the table with uneaten food still stuck onto them, the actual pan I had prepared the dish in would still be sitting on the stove top, partially full or empty or whatever. No one bothered to put the left overs into the refrigerator or throw them away if it wasn't worth saving. I would come down the stairs & it would look like every toy that these children owned were spread upon the floor, as well as they would still be in the same clothes that I had dressed them in earlier in the day. Not that there is anything wrong with them being in those clothes, but the fact that I would think he would know that the pajamas that I have set out needed to be put on them sometime before going to bed. Why did he feel the need to wait for me to get home to do it? What a Face

I would just walk in the house at night after my shift & feel like crying because although that shift was completed did not mean that my work was over by any means. I could not handle that. We've had discussions since then regarding that if I am working, then the children & house needs to be tended to as it would be if I were here. I cannot do it all, as much as I would love to, I simply cannot do it! cyclops

He says that he understands & will make sure to get more things handled while I am gone, but he has NO IDEA what it's like trying to tend to two toddlers & get your chores accomplished. We'll see, maybe he will prove me absolutely wrong, but never has in the past. Yet, I'd never spoken up in the past either. I would think that it would be common courtesy because I know that if I even go over to my sisters house & the kids get toys out & make a mess that I am not going to leave it for her to clean up on her own. I clean up, as I said, as a common courtesy. Why would I expect that to be her job just because she already does it anyways?? Does that make sense to you? Suspect

Especially with him being the other parent. I don't know. I don't seem to feel like I know much of anything these days, but am continuing to put one foot in front of the other & the hours are a passing. Of course, staying busy! You wouldn't even want to know what time I started this post & how many times I have been up & down throughout it. You cannot even imagine what I have accomplished in between starting this & where we are now. I cannot barely sit still for a minute. I don't have a problem if I am here writing on the computer, but if I get up, things are getting done! I have gone to the store twice already today, done several loads of laundry, cleaned & bleached all of the countertops, as well as washing the floor. I have folded the laundry & delivered it to the proper locations, as well as pumping the air out of brake lines in Matt's van. As well as continuing to try to get by on the 8mgs. I did pick up my Suboxone & I know that if I absolutely need to that I can take another one, but I am trying to not have to do so. I actually might start trying to do 8mgs one day, then 12mgs the next, etc & see how I feel after doing it that way for a while. If that works, then the next logical step would be to cut it down to 8mgs the same way that I did the previous taper. I don't know how this will go, but if its possible for me to get by on less, as we both know that less is more, then that's what I should be trying to do. If I'm not feeling okay or I am having symptoms such as yesterday that I know are due to withdrawl, then I will not put myself through that. I will go back up to wherever I become comfortable again. I refuse to chance those cravings & feelings coming back, so I will not let it happen. I am no longer an active opiate addict, nor do I ever plan to be again! I refuse to chance it!! The benzos are a different story, as I would like to learn to live without them. But also cannot emotionally "cope" at the present moment while not on some sort of anxiety medication, as well as depression medication. The Cymbalta has not made me feel bad. I did get very nauseas the second day when I took the 60mgs rather than just the 30mgs as I had the previous day, with no problem at all. This is Day 3 on it & I again took the 60mgs, but ate a banana with it, so it wasn't as bad today. I can't tell any type of difference yet in how I am feeling, but I know that it can take up to several weeks to get to the full effects of an anti-depressant. Cathy told me that she felt better within about 2 weeks & the doctor that prescribed it told me that patients told him a week before they felt a difference. Everyone is different, as you know how we all metabolize toxins differently. And how healthy our livers still are, etc.
I have to go for right now as the children are falling apart right beore my very eyes, ears, head... "The Brain Drain!" Gotta go.
Love to you,
B I love you

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