Guess Who? Yes, it's Deborah and I should be writing news-updates but I seen your post and I wanted to let you know I do care. I am so sorry I haven't been available lately, but I have been covered up with work and trying to obtain some Grant Money. I want to share an article with you which did help me. Basically, Beth it all comes down to the fact you can't change the past, but you can the future. I am sure almost everyone of us has committed acts in our past we would love to go back and erase. We can't erase them and many of us block them out but they will eventually come back to haunt us. It is best to bring them out in the open and deal with them and by bringing them out in the open and sharing them with another person, you take the power they hold over you away from them.
I am not a religious person but I do believe in God and if you you don't believe, then it is your right. God knew we would sin and it is the reason He sent his son to die on the cross for us. He knew none of us could live by the law in the Old Testament and none of are without sin. I certainly don't mean to sound like I am preaching but it always comforts me and if we do believe God sent his son to die on the cross for our sins then all we have to do is believe in Him and ask for forgiveness of our sins. There is a catch here because unless we forgive those who have transgressed us ,then God cannot forgive us. Sometimes, it is not easy to forgive those who have hurt us and I am sure we all can identify. If you don't forgive, them then God will not forgive you.
Remember forgiveness is not based on emotions (feelings). It is an act of our will. We choose by an act of or will to forgive the person who has sinned against us. It is not based on how we feel the next day if we pass them on the street and they are snuggled up against the guy we once dated. I am sure we all would react and because we felt anger would think we haven't forgiven them. You have forgiven them if you were sincere when you chose by an act of your will to forgive them. You choose it again every night when you pray to forgive them. Soon your feelings will get in line with your will. Just as you chose to forgive them ...you must choose to forgive yourself. Each night before you lay down to go to sleep, you say out loud, "I choose to forgive myself and of course, you forgive those who have transgressed against you and then you ask God to forgive you and He is not a liar and He will forgive you of all your sins and if He can forgive you, then you should be able to forgive yourself. You must remember none of it is based on feelings...you must accept it by faith that He has forgiven you and you have forgiven yourself.
Using Forgiveness To Move On
Forgiveness can be a powerful catalyst for change, benefiting anyone who hopes to let go of the past.
Experts at the
Hoffman Institute believe they have a unique take on personal development. At the Institute, staff provide an eight-day intensive residential course of self-help workshops in which participants are “skillfully and compassionately shown how to let go of the past, release pent-up stress, self-limiting behaviors and resentments, and start creating the future they desire.”
The process has been used over the last 40 years by an estimated 70,000 people wanting to improve their relationships, communication skills and personal strength. The approach was originally developed by Bob Hoffman, and refined by other health professionals and therapists.
Tim Laurence, founder of the
Hoffman Institute in the UK, strongly believes that forgiveness is an essential part of healing. Over the past 15 years, he has been amazed by the courage he has witnessed as people let go of anger and pain. “I have seen people whose lives have been determined by a grievance that has affected not only themselves, but also generations after them. To then see that person forgive and be able to move on in their lives is like watching them unlocking the door to their own prison and stepping out into freedom,” Laurence said.
The Hoffman Process claims to be suitable for people who are just starting, or have been on a path to self discovery for a long time. It is described by Patrick Holford, author of the
Optimum Nutrition Bible, as “a psychological detox.”
During the first half of the course, the layers of ’scar tissue’ created by past experiences are stripped away, in sessions with individual therapists and in groups of other students (usually about twenty per course). Methods include visualization, where students are asked to picture past experiences and relive them, and externalizing emotions by shouting, punching cushions, and letting off steam. Students are asked to produce written accounts of their childhoods.
In the second half of the course, students are encouraged to forgive their parents by methods such as holding imaginary conversations with them. The spiritual dimension also is vital at this point, a reconnection with a level of existence which we all have, but which modern life distances us from.
Relationships within the group also are very important. Revealing oneself to others and hearing their stories is cathartic but enduring mutual support is provided through regular get-togethers, telephone and email after the course ends.
Why Let Go?Holding on to anger or resentment can trigger a sense of strength and righteousness. It can feel good to blame someone else, but it leaves us on shaky ground. Ultimately, who wants to have a life defined by anger, pain or suffering? However, there’s an important distinction to bear in mind with forgiving. You can still condemn the act whole forgiving the person. It can’t be forced, but if you’re open to the possibility, it will come at the right time and the right place. You might wake up one morning and think “Now is the time to move on since my relationship break-up” or “I’m fed up blaming my parents.”
Forgiving YourselfThere are many benefits to acknowledging our mistakes, learning from them and moving on. If the first step is to forgive others, the next has to be to turn that forgiveness toward ourselves. Self-acceptance brings peace of mind, relief from guilt and shame. Forgiveness is a “spiritual transformation,” Laurence said, leading us to a larger self and a change of perspective toward a position of wisdom and generosity.
A Clinical Psychologist’s ViewOliver James, the clinical psychologist and author of “
Affluenza: How to Be Successful and Stay Sane,” is a firm believer in the Hoffman process. “In making referrals for patients, I have come to favour it over the alternatives,” James said. “It is the most systematic method I know for properly exploring the role of childhood as well as offering a motorway back from the past.” While many of the techniques employed by the Hoffman process are not in themselves original, the specific combination used is original, as is the fact that therapy is conducted as an eight-day residential course.
Beth, whether you bring God in or leave Him out ...forgiveness is the key. It is very difficult to move on with your life if you can't forgive yourself. I am sure all of us have made some really bad mistakes and it takes time to move past them and it requires friends and I believe if you keep your eyes open God leads you to the right places to acquire what you need. You need to find a friend where you live that you can share with and if not there find one online because sometimes it is much easier if you can't see them but I have met some truly remarkable people online and I have grown through the various friendships I have expereinced with them.
If you would like get together with Dee and see if there are enough of you interested in meeting once a week together as a group to deal wih our past and we can open up to one another and help each other grow and move on with our lives. I would be happy to fit it in my schedule if you think it would help any of you. Give it some thought and it is time to let go of it and forgive yourself because it is what the Bible is all about -the redemption of man.
Your friend always,
Deborah
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Some of these issues are nearly twenty years in the past & still continue to remain inside of me.. I'm wondering about any suggestions on how to lay these burdens down. How can I finally "let go" of the past? 
When I need the most help, I curl into a ball & try to hide. Yet, I've never more needed these friendships than what I've realized.. I've still had issues going on with my doctor. I really need to find another or something has to give. I've been calling offices everyday, trying to get an appointment somewhere else before my next scheduled appointment with my current doctor. I do have a question for you. I went to this doctor because she is a Psychiatrist & Addiction Specialist for Suboxone treatment. In the meantime, she has been throwing prescriptions at me right & left. Some I've tried, others, I've never even filled. (like that Seroquel) She has come up with the Bipolar diagnosis during the ten minutes that I see her & as I am going on & off of all of these meds that she's trying out on me. She's now prescribed Lithium, which I tried & was nearly hospitalized, seizures, etc Then, she wanted me to go on Depakote, which I've taken before & made me feel alot like the Lithium did. So, two appointments ago, she prescribed Stavzor (valproic acid- Depakene) The same exact thing that I told her that I would not take. My last appointment she told me that if I will not comply with her directions, then she will need to stop seeing me as a patient. Is that legal? I've been doing super with the Suboxone, no dirty UAs, no issues with this treatment whatsoever. Now, here's the kicker. Actually, I'd feel more comfortable to PM you about this issue...