Hi bfye! Are you sleeping?

It's Barbara...how are you sleeping? I thought of something else too. When you are asleep, your breathing is opposite...meaning instead of inhale and exhale, you do the opposite. You exhale and inhale. If you will do this while you're relaxing, you trick your mind into going to sleep. Try it and let me know how it works. Barbara Rue

Hi Barbara,
Hope you had a great holiday!! Sorry to hear that your not feeling well today though. Hopefully it will run its course quickly... Try to rest, if possible.
I wanted to let you know that I did try your idea with the breathing technique & I did sleep better last night. Thank you for the suggestion. It also helped that I was completely pooped out from the day. For the first Thanksgiving ever, we just stayed home & I did the cooking. Normally, we run all over the place. My parents & grandmothers, then his Moms & aunts. It's alot for the kids & honestly, it's too much for me right now. I know that I can't avoid these situations forever, but for now, it really is too much. And I am still embarrassed. As I've mentioned before, I'm still trying to deal with all of these family issues. They want to be able to understand & help, but still see it as a lack of willpower & lack of morals. Which in turn leads me right back to the guilt. Even my husband said something yesterday about me being on this site- he's worried that I'm not talking to him about what is going on inside of me. Yet, when I do, it just gets turned into "if you weren't so selfish, if you truly love me & the kids, etc." He is proud that I've stopped the opiates & is supportive of the Suboxone, but he's still mad that it happened in the first place. He wants to know when everything is just going to be "back to normal." And I can understand that. He's had the rug of security pulled right out from under him this past year. He's scared for our family.. But we are sticking together, trying to repair the damage. That is what I am so thankful for this Thanksgiving. The Suboxone has given us a chance to keep our family together. I am so grateful for this last chance that I am grabbing it & running- I can't ever go back.
How do you deal with family issues? When you first got sober, was it hard for you at the holidays and large family functions? Is it better to give it some time or am I just being a baby by avoiding confrontations? I guess that I'm really trying to avoid all of my known triggers, but that won't work forever. What do you think? Any suggestions?
Your Friend, BFye

Hi Bfye, Yes, I do have issues with my family and friends...even co-workers. I've been on subs for two years and people say, "Are you still on THAT medicine? Yes, I am and if anyone has a way I could get off, I'd like to know about it. When I first started, I thought I'd just change my dose every three weeks and would be off in six months. It hasn't worked this way. I was on opiates for six years and I have to get my system back to where it was when I first started, depending on the damage done. Let your family know you are doing the best you can. A lot more women stay by their men than the other way around. Women has always been put to blame more than men. Honey, you just hang on and tell your husband to take a deep seat cause it may take a while. If you come off too soon, you may be apt to relapse and this we don't want. You posting to replys is helping you more than you really know. Talk things over with your husband, even share what's said on the forum. Love has nothing to do with whether you use or not...it's a desease and we can't help ourselves without help and medication. I wish you the best on you way back. Tell your husband it will be worth everything you both are going through. Don't forget to practice your breathing and relaxing before you go to sleep. Your friend, Barbara

byfe,
I can understand your frustrations. Your family wnat to understand and support you, but they don't know how. Education is a wonderful tool. Have you tried giving them as much information as you can find, not only about Suboxone but addiction as well.? You mentioned that your husband wants things to get back to "normal" .What is normal for the two of you? Does he miss the attention that you used to give exclusively to him? Maybe the two of you could try a romantic night alone with just the two of you. You could also try to take time to create a time for the two of you once or twice a week to jsut sit and talk about whats going on. Not only with you but with him. It could be that he's afraid that now that your in recovery, you won't need him anymore.
AS for the holidays. I still avoid going to my inlaws house during this time of year. I love them dearly, but that house is a trigger for me. I have a sister inlaw that lives with them. She is an active addict. And although she swears that she has quit using. I can see how high she is when ever I go up there. There's a lot of stress up there. The drinking, and noise. I just can't take it. So I stay away. So you see your not the only one that avoids their triggers. Some of them do get bettr in time. Just take it easy and live life the way is comes to you. Don't rush your self. When your ready you will know it. If it bothers your husband not to go and visit during these times. You can try going on the off days. Like for instance I didn't go to my inlaws during Thanksgiving. But I am going up there to visit for a short time tomorrow, when there's not alot of people around. Are you doing any type of counseling? I will end this now. I have to get ready for work this afternoon. But will be back around this evening. If you want or need ot talk I'll be here.
Yours
nannamom

Hi Ladies,
I have to say that I am so glad to know that I am not the only one feeling this way. Often times, I do feel alone, yet I rarely am. I yearn to be whole again. I have an impossable time trying to forgive myself for all the damage I've caused. I know that it's the past & all I can do is correct my future. I have been doing that, but it doesn't alleviate the guilt. Yes, I have been doing counseling for this as well, but again, have come up with no real solutions, other than time. That is what I hold onto, that if I continue doing well, the future will have to be better.. I thank God that my family is still here to give me that second (or eighty second) chance!! I tried to quit opiates so many times before & could never do it without the Subs. I had used for a long time, nearly 17 years. I've spent my entire adult life "under the influence" of opiates. (minus short stints here & there, once for 2 years) But as I'm sure you know the cycle that everytime I started back up, it was worse & worse. I know that I cannot go back & I trust in the Subs enough to know that I will be OK. I need to be able to let the past go, yet, it's hard because my loved ones haven't been able to stop bringing it up. The thing is, I understand why they feel the way that they do. So really none of us can truly let it go right now, though we all try to believe that it will get better. I have been sitting down & talking with my husband & Mom & oldest daughter to try to mend these relationships. And as Nannamom pointed out about education, I'm passing it right on to my family as I'm learning, we're all learning. I want my daughter to know her risks of becoming an addict, at least making the decision to use a drug will be an educated one. As a teenager, I took my first (2) Vicodin ES, given to me by my softball coach, who was also a dentist. I figured, What was wrong about taking medicine from the dr? At 18, I started working for him as a dental asst. I stayed employed there for the next 11 years. Talk about easy access & he had me right under his thumb. I just don't want my daughter to have to go through any of these things, so I'm trying hard to talk, talk, talk...
Ok, I have to go get dinner & baths on right now.
Talk to you more later. Thanks, BFye

bfye
I commend you on educating your daughter. You can never have too much knowledge on the subject of addiction. I too talk to my son. He knows what I've been through and he knows what he has had to go through because of it. H swears to me that he will never use. But there is so much peer pressure in his school. I can't believe the number of children in his school that actually smoke pot, and the parents that allow it. Why do they allow it? Because they figure that as long as they let theri kids do it, they can do it as well without any repercussions, It's crazy. All you can do is what your doing now. Educate her and let her know that your there for her no matter what. I'm a strong believer in talking to our children. As parents we are the people responsible for our children and how the act. Responsibility begins at home.
Your doing agreat job. And I am proud of you.
nannamom

Thank you Nannamom!! I take much pride in my children. I agree with you that knowledge is the best tool we can give our kids. Our oldest daughter is at a high risk of becoming an addict. I have the opiate addiction & her father is an alcoholic, as well as both of our fathers being alcoholics, their fathers, etc. I explain to her over & over that she is pre-wired & by using one time, she could flip that switch & NOT BE ABLE TO STOP!! She hears me, but I don't know if she's really listening. She doesn't have a good relationship with her father. (she's been raised by "M" & myself since she's been five & now we have the babies also) She tells me that she never wants to be like her Dad, but I remember saying the same thing.. I just continue to talk to her daily. I want to keep the lines of communication open with her the best I can. I don't want her to be scared to talk to me, but I also don't and won't condone her to make those same mistakes. I know that it is really not up to me & I guess that's what is so scary!! I want to still be able to protect her. That's my job as her mother, she's only 13. The best thing I can do is keep her informed. That's what I believe & what I do. She is a bright girl, 4.0, straight A's on her last report card. It makes me proud to see her doing well. I don't want her to ever have to endure the despair & darkness of addiction. I also don't want her to have to endure watching her mother go through it ever again. I ultimately believe in monkey see, monkey do as well. I hope that she can learn from my recovery & see who she wants to be or doesn't want to be. I also agree that responsibility begins at home, with oneself, children, etc.
How old is your son? How does he feel about this situation? Has it affected other areas of his life? Are the two of you close now? What has helped you to keep him on the straight & narrow through these teen years?
Thanks for your support. I appreciate all the feedback I get from this site, it gives me different perspectives on situations that I'm going through, without judgment. Your such a sweet lady Nannamom- thank you!
Your Friend,
BFye

Hi Beth, It's Barbara. I'm just in from work, cook dinner and all of the animals fed. I don't have any children except for a daughter I gave up for adoption which is another saga in my life I'll go into some other time. I take care of my Mom and my brother lives here with us. I'm glad you are here. You sound very understanding and caring for other people. This has been a large part of my recovery is helping other people. If there is anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to ask. Love, Barbara Rue

Good Morning BFye
I hope this morning finds you feeling well and happy. It's a great day for people in recovery when they have choosen Suboxone. You asked about my son. He is 15, to be 16 in May. On the outside he is dealing with the issues of my addiction. Even though I thought I was hiding what I was doing, he knew. He tells me now that it is okay, he is proud of me. And I'm sure that he is proud of me. But at the same time he has a lot of anger issues. He had been through a lot more than a lot of kids his age. And I know that part of that anger has to do with my past. He says no, but I am trying to let him know that it's okay to be angry with me. Heck I'm angry with myself, I know that addiction is a disease, but at the same time, I knew that what i was doing was wrong but still kept at it.
And yes, we are close, somepeople say that we are too close, but he is my son, how can I not be close to him. He supposrts me and I support him.
I don't know about keeping him on the straight and narrow. He is a teenager. He does the things that teenage boys do, but without the drugs I thank god for that. His grades aren't great, and he suffers from panick attacks. He has a lot bottled up inside of him, but I do have him in counseling and I pray each day that in time things will get better for him.
just keep doing as you are with your daughter, but remember she will make her mistakes. Just like my son will make his, we can't judge them when they do, as we have been there as well. All that we can do is offer support, but at the same time let them learn from their mistakes.
Live in the day, and don't fear tomorrow
Nannamom