Lonely but feeling ok

Number of posts : 11 Registration date : 2012-03-21

So today is my 5th day on the Suboxone and I have to say I am not really sure what happened to me over the weekend. I am not sure how to feel about the stuff that happened. I feel like I was right but I'm not sure.

I seemed to just all of a sudden realize that my life and circle of friends was filled with drugs and liars and drama, what I call drug drama. Its like evweryone I know causes drama and it all has to do with drugs. In all honesty I seemed to notice it for the first time this weekend and I eliminated alot of people from my life but basically telling them I am all done with them. This includes my live in Boyfriend of 10 months who chose the pills over me and two of my best friends that I have known for 25 years. I went as far as deleting my facebook account and changing my phone number. I know a little drastic but I just had to get these people out of my life once and for all.

I didnt have alot of friends to begin with. Yesterday I felt like I could tackle the world with just my girls and my family and the few old friends that I havent talked to in awhile that I did give my number too. Today feeling a little lonely but before if I felt like this I would have wanted to use because then I could feel any emotion. Today I have cried and I have been angry. I have to say though through all of these emotions I feel like I am going to make it and I am going to be ok this time.

Does all of this seem normal? Has this happened to anyone else. Am I having some sort of reaction like PMS or am I just realizing more because I am not using. Any thoughts or comment would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks confused

Subject: Re: Lonely but feeling ok Tue 27 Mar 2012, 11:14 am

Good morning,
I did the same thing when I went into recovery. I was a little more drastic though. I moved. I live in a small town in Vermont. Everyone that I knew and hug around with did drugs. Everyday it was the same old thing. Call this one and call that one. Get what I needed and give a little to the ones who didn't have any.
I thought I had some strong friendships. But when I sat down and took a really good look at what I had, I had nothing.
Everyone would promise the moon, I was everybody's best friend.. When I had something. Everyone talked about everyone else. This girl was a b*&ch and this guy was a dog.
When I wasn't around, I was the b*&ch and so on.
In reality, the only thing I really had was my none using boyfriend and my son.
So I left the state and stayed gone for about 4years. When I came back I didn't get in contact with anyone. But in time I started running into the "old crowd" and ya know what? They were still doing the same things. Oh yeah they were happy to see me but when they found out I wasn't in the same game anymore they back peddled and told me they were also in recovery and most if them are the ones who are forever kicking.

I know what I did was to the extreme but past experience told me that I had no other choice. I had tried so many times to stop and keep the old friends but sooner or later I would start again. I came to be the joke of my family. Not that anyone was laughing, but no body believed I would ever stop. Kind of like the person who knows they need to get out of an abusive relationship but never does.

I know that being alone sucks, it really does. But it will save your life. Changes in friendships are necessary and making new friends doesn't happen overnight but it's time to get out and try to start over.
Go to places that you avoided before. Places that you never had time for before. You have the time now. Try volunteering at the school if you can. Seeing the smiles on children faces when you help them makes all the difference in the world.

Enjoy being the 'real' you. And if you need to talk, I'm here anytime, anyway. The days get easier and in time the loneliness will fade.
The boyfriend who chose pills over you has no clue on what he lost. When he comes making promises, stand proud and tell him "no thank you"
Feeling emotions can be tuff but it tells us we are alive and will make it through another day.
Friends in recovery,
Dee

Subject: Re: Lonely but feeling ok Tue 27 Mar 2012, 12:30 pm

If your feeling guilty about the way that you dropped your friends, you can try to explain to them that while you will always care about them ( the friend of 25 years) you can't be around the using and if they ever need help or get to a point they want to stop as well, you will be there to support them. But be careful, the old saying is true, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink" If someone is not ready no amount of pushing or prodding is going to get them there. It is a decision they have to make and a step they have to take.

Number of posts : 11 Registration date : 2012-03-21

thank you so much Dee for reassuring me I wasnt crazy! lol! I just seem to be in this rut now with no one to talk to. But in a weird way I like it! Smile

My ex did call me at work yesterday unfortunately I cant change that number. He wanted to tell me he messed up he loved me he will stop blah blah blah. It just made me sick really. I hope to god for his own sake that he can do it but right now I trust and beleive no one but myself nor do I have the time. Maybe someday we will be together again but not right now we are poison together and I just cant.

Enjoy your day! I am feeling like I am headed in the right direction and it is so nice to talk to other folks that have been there. thanks again! Smile

Subject: Re: Lonely but feeling ok Wed 28 Mar 2012, 4:16 pm

I admire your strength I really do. Knowing what you have to do and being able to do it should show you also how much strength you have within yourself.
It couldn't have been easy to talk to your ex and not cave to his promises.
You are on the right track and I have no doubt that you will succeed.
Have a great day yourself and remember, you are worth every bit of work that you have to put into your recovery.

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