Good Morning Beth

Good Morning my Friend,
I wanted to wish you luck with your doctor this morning. I am praying that they listen to you when you call, please tell them ( the doctor) how you were treated when you called about your medication and also how when you went for your appointment that there wan't anyone at the front desk. I know that you already know all of this. But it is inexcusable that you were treated the way that you were.
I will be waiting to hear how you make out. Sending blessings your way
Yours
Dee

Hello Dee!
My Friend!! Thank you, as always!!
You are just an absolute sweetheart!! I know that I say it everyday, but this place is so very important to me & my recovery!! I have met some wonderful friends on here & thank God on a daily basis, as well as keeping you, Barbara, Mez, Deborah & everyone in these prayers of mine!! I think God is hearing me these days!! All night I've been thinking about Kordeshkie & his wife, as well as Bulldog & the others who are getting ready to start the Subs.. They must be so very nervous about all of the change coming their way. What a scary feeling & having all of these unknown (and previously, unfelt) emotions as well as physical pains come pouring into everyday life again!! I clearly remember that extremely overwhelming feeling as if it were only yesterday, but what relief is coming their way!! I love the way that this forum continues to grow everyday & the help that we can all offer to each other! It's very neat for me to see these new people starting their "new lives" right before my very eyes! It's a superb reminder for me to stay on the path of recovery, stay on the "yellow brick road!" I've been feeling better & stronger than ever lately.. I'm trying to run with it girl!! I'm really doing okay with who I am & what I'm doing these days! I credit much of this confidence to you girls (people) here on this forum!! I no longer feel so "alone" in the struggle & that's sure helping it not feel like nearly as much of a "struggle!" As you know me & I tend to ramble, but after I do, I always feel like I can "cope" with the issue, good or bad, once I've gotten it out & been able to see it in "black & white" & hear good feedback from here- it's never such a big deal after leaving here. I love sitting down to the computer with my cup of coffee & a ciggy (another bad habit that I will need to soon correct!) but sitting down & reading all of the new posts!! I get such a wonderful feeling of strength after reading about so much hope & encouragement!!
Briefly, as I am getting tackled by the 2 wild ones, they are crazy kids! But I called my doctors office this morning & spoke with the office manager who assured me that my Subs were already called into the pharmacy & should be ready for pick up. Now I realize that I should be thankful, but I still feel angry as it was just that easy to call my pharmacy up to have them ready, why couldn't she have taken care of that last Wed?? She also proceeded to tell me that she was trying to get ahold of me throughout the long weekend to have them called in sooner for me..BULLS**T!! As you already know, that is not even close to the truth!! I just bit my tongue, remained polite & thanked her for her help! I plan on having my bases covered before "rocking that boat!" Yet, I couldn't help feeling frustration for a few moments!! I'm glad that I was able to just keep my mouth shut for now, but I won't remain silent about this as it could've really presented a problem.. I was lucky, but what about her other patients that may not have had any at all?? Matt told me that I should tell her that I was withdrawling so badly that I went out & robbed a pharmacy or stole a car to be able to get through the long New Years weekend!! I'm glad that he wasn't even here when I was speaking with them.. He was really pissed!! That just won't currently help me in the least, to go & act like that.. I'm sure you know what I mean, as you usually do. I hope to get some of these doctors issues straightened out this week.. we'll see how urgently their offices will treat it though. I seem to always get better results when speaking to the doctor in person rather than having to go through 3 front office girls to try to explain the current situation. I don't even know how some of these women are able to even keep their jobs when they have such awful personalities!! Why are they even there if they hate it so badly?? I'm actually thankful to not hate my life so badly as to act that way to other people!!
Okay, as I always do, I've just gone on & on & on... I started to try to attempt to reply around 3 hours ago & I have to get up & down so many times that I often have to re-read what I've written due to losing my train of thought while tending to these babies o' mine!! But they are oh-so-funny!! It's really good for me to have this time with them as I do. They help to keep me motivated, like it or not, they need what they need!! Once again, God putting us where we need to be, with the people we need to be with..
Please let me hear how you are doing today & what's going on in your world.. Thank you again for checking on me today, (and everyday!) you are a wonderful friend to me Dee!! Thank you Nannamomma!!

Love Ya,
Beth

Hi Beth,
Please let Matt know that I am PROUD of him. The way he was willing to stand up to that doctor. He cares about you hon, he loves you of course. He can see how hard you are working and I believe that if anyone were to say anything against you or maybe bring up the past, he may just let em have it. ( We can always hope)
My day is good, I had some things to do this morning and got them all done. It is a busy week for me, I have doctors appointments and a few that I don't really like to go through, but it is where I need to be.
It's always easier for a the doctors office to lie and tell you that they tried to reach you instead of telling the truth. Maybe the doctor did tell them to get a hold of you and they "forgot" and didn't want the doctor to know about it. I believe that if they were really going to call it in over the weekend they would have. But that's water under the bridge and no use in dwelling on it.
Have you called for the appointment with the other doctor yet? Hopefully he is ready to start with his patients and you won't have to bother with the other one again. I should go and check the rest of the board. I'm late here today, becuse of the appointment. I will check back with you in a little bit.
Yours
Dee

Hi Dee,
How is life treating you this evening? Are you doing better having the brace off of your leg or is it still pretty sore?? Is all going well with that whole situation with the taxi driver? I thought that was funny the other day about your sister-in-law going off on him. Good for her, I'd have done the same! Just as you noticed about Matt, the people who are close to us will still quickly be the first to defend us!! Thank God to still have that chance!! Matt & I have been doing well lately, better than ever, actually.. It's almost like I'm waiting for the next time that he gets mad about something & what he may hold against me or throw up from the past, but then, that's not really forgiveness either, because I'm starting off on the defensive & that never sets the right tone to the discussion. I talked to him about continuing to bring these things up, he apologizes to me & says he doesn't mean these things that he says when he's angry, he's just frustrated with the situation sometimes. (financially, etc) Yet, I explained that it doesn't really matter if you mean them or not, once they are said, they are said!! We'll see how it all goes down the next time, assuming that there will be a next time.. I don't even know if I'm being fair by "waiting for the other shoe to drop.." It's just what I'm used to, but then, how can I possibly be angry with him when he is just reacting to what he was used to? I try to continue to stay silent & look at it from his point of view before I react. Sometimes, easier said than done, most times, actually!! But I have done very well with holding my tongue, just not always avoiding feeling the anger towards him. I think that some of the things he says are hurtful & intended to sting, although he adamantly denies that, states that I'm super-defensive, which probably means that it's a little of both.. I will accept any responsibility for my actions, but not the blame of whatever may go wrong in the world throughout his days.. I hope that our understanding is actually just that.. Am I making any sense to you Dee? I feel fortunate that it means enough to both of us to want to make it work! That gives us a fighting chance right there!!
Did you also struggle with relationship issues in the months after starting the Suboxone? I guess that I thought I was going to stop using the opiates & all of our fighting was going to stop as well?? Stupid assumption, I see that now, we had many issues that needed resolving aside from just the "substance abuse" aspect of it, but what situations were occuring due to that ADDICTION! As I said to Bulldog the other night, that is an extremely difficult conversation to have, to tell the person that you love the most to what lengths this addiction has taken us.. But it is also the only way that a relationship could possibly survive through this is with the truth.. that's the only thing that ever mattered to him, the truth. He does love me Dee, thank God, but sometimes love just isn't enough..
Need to close this up for now. Keep in touch & let me hear how you are girl!!
Thanks for your continued support! Also, anxiously awaiting to hear from Korbeshkie & hearing how him & his wife are feeling after their appointments today.. Big time relief coming their way!! as you know..
Talk to you soon Dee!

Love Ya,
Beth

Beth, When I came into my recovery my hubby already knew that I was using. When we first met I told him that " I am an addict, and I will always be an addict, if you don't like it, you can leave." I told him that my pills were important to me. And he stayed with me anyway. I think I was trying to chase him away, but it did not work. Today 9 years later we are still together. It has been rough in some spots. When we met, he fell in love with my son, and my son fell in love with him. Our love came later. I am older than he is. I am 50 and he is 37. So our relationship is not one of your usual ones. When I decided to go into recovery, he didn't say much, just that he would stand by me no matter what. And he has. I love him more than anything and I am so blessed that he was tough enough to take everything that I gave him. He supports me in everything that I do. And I try to do the same for him.
I didn't mean to go on about us, I like you am a rambler. LOL

I too am anxious to hear from Korbeshkie, but we have to remember the time difference. His time is 3 hours earlier.
I'm sure that he will be here. Until then we wait.
Yours
Dee