I'm in need

Subject: I'm in need Wed 11 Aug 2010, 8:55 pm

You know, no matter how old you get or how much you learn, there's always something to make you older and wiser. I want to let people know just when you think you have it all figured out. Wham! Everything is in pieces in your hands. It can happen to any of us. I wanted so badly to be out of treatment, I went too fast. No matter how I word this, I can't make it sound like it was nothing. I've learned a serious notation and I'm not willing to make that choice again. This time I'm taking it slow and not worry about when I'm to let go. I'm going to put myself into helping myself so I'll be some good to someone else. I want to do the right thing. I just wanted to say I'm here and will help in any way I can. If I'm to be trusted to do good, then I should do good work and let my recovery be led by a day to day promise of being on the right track.

Love,
Barbara

Subject: Re: I'm in need Thu 12 Aug 2010, 1:24 pm

Good morning Barbara
I know that making the decision to go back on Suboxone was a hard one for you, and remember how badly you wanted to be free of everything. Your not alone, a lot of people feel that way. When people start taking Suboxone and even Methadone for their addiction they tell themselves they won't be on it long. But we can't put a time limit on treatment. Look at the state of PA they are trying to make it to where their Methadone patients are only on it for 6-12 months. Doesn't that sound a little unrealistic? I am not condemning anyone who has the desire not to take medication, but I am asking everyone to try and look outside the box.
There is nothing wrong with staying on either one of these medications. They save lives. That is the bottom line.
Just because someone is taking a medication to help manage addiction, that does not mean they are weak, or they are just substituting one drug for another. I know it's easy to say that, but you have to believe that as well. Believe it with everything within you because if you don't and you come off of it too soon, you do stand a great chance of relapse and after that death will come.
I wish people could think back to right before they went into recovery and what their lives were back then.
What a lot of people see is a time before active addiction set in, and want their lives to return to that state. But throughout time our lives change and with that our bodies also change. As we get older, wisdom does often come with age. And with that wisdom also comes the natural aging process where our bodies can't do what they once could.
But that doesn't mean that we can't do somethings, we just can't do the same as we used to.

So what if we are a little older, so what if we can't run and jump hurdles as we used to. We are alive, that is all that matters. I'm not sure if what I have said makes sense to anyone here, but I do want to let everyone know, there is no shame in relapse. Unfortunately sometime it happens. Some people say it is a part of recovery. I'm not sure if that is true or not, but I do know that if you do happen to relapse it doesn't have to be the end of things. Jump back on that horse and ride like you never have before.
Always
Dee

Subject: Re: I'm in need Thu 12 Aug 2010, 11:16 pm

What comfort I found tonight in your words. I know I'm in it for life or until it is time to come off. When I first started I wasn't told I would become addicted or have to do a total taper off. All I heard was the good stuff. As you said, think back to how I felt when I first started. Like hammered out crap. I'll have to do as I was told in A.A. and that was to keep coming back. I just can't get my dose right or feel right. Eight milligrams or two milligrams, I can't tell the difference. I'll just have to follow the moon around for a month and see where it goes. I believe in the planets, moon, sun and stars. They are there for a reason other than just being there. Mars will be as close as the moon this month. If you go out and look on a clear night, you can probably see it. This effects how I feel and how my medicines work. Maybe I've just solved my own problem.

Thanks Dee for your prayers and concern for me. You're right, I never want to be where I was. I can't believe it ever happened. Once again Suboxone has saved me from that awful state of mind. I've got to slow down.

I must get in bed for an early rise to call in for work in the morning. I did four hours today. I really need to work the rest of the week so I can pay for everything...doctor co-pays and medicine.

Love you girl,
Barbara

Subject: Re: I'm in need Fri 13 Aug 2010, 7:52 am

Hi Barbara!
How are you doing now? Have things gotten any better since the last time that we've made contact? I received your email & know that you have been struggling, but I was very glad to see your post about "taking it day by day" rather than setting a time limit on when you "think" that you should be better. Make sense with my wording? I know that you have been struggling & have gone through many rough times lately, but the good news is that you ARE still alive & kicking! That's the first & foremost priority!! I don't have alot of words of wisdom to send, as I have learned many of them from YOU girl! But what I do know is that you have many, many people who love & care about you, NO MATTER WHAT! Would you turn your back on me if the roles were reversed? I think not. You are upset or angry at yourself, fine, but no one else who loves you like we do feel that way. But now what is done is done. I loved Dee's saying about getting back on that horse & run her like the wind. I am very glad to see that you are also back on the forum here to post your heart out again & being able to forgive yourself! (again) Remember that "a problem talked about is a problem half solved!" I'm in need Icon_wink

There is so much truth in that one statement alone. You are a wonderful person, friend, daughter, employee, etc. I hope that you are still able to see these qualities within yourself right now, as I certainly can!
I really care about & have missed you Ms. Barbara! Please just "keep on keeping on!" (knowing that we are here for you if you happpen to stumble, just as you would be for anyone of us!) That is what you have done for me in the past- let me give it back- just a hand to reach out to help pull you up, so that throughout that "stumble" you do not fall... I'm in need Star3

Always in prayer & my thoughts,
Beth I'm in need Herz

Subject: Re: I'm in need Fri 13 Aug 2010, 9:47 pm

Hi Bethy,

I just wrote a whole bunch of nice stuff and I'm worn out. Anyway, it was all good. I got bumped off and maybe will again. Mainly I wanted to say it feels like home again and I'm happy to hear from you. Dee has been a dear sweetheart. My dosage is settling in a bit better.

I've got to get into beddy-by.
Love,
Barbara

Subject: Re: I'm in need Mon 07 May 2012, 6:52 pm

Amen to that twisted sister and here you are some time later...still looking for the diamonds of life and finding them when I'm not really looking. I get to go to my box doctor every two months. I wish every six months with a ua to give. God it's great to be free of a lot of things. This doesn't mean crap storms are gone...they are swurling around and doing well. It's just how I weather and know I can make the right choice and be happier about it. Hi to whoever is hurting...it will take you a while, but you don't have to hurt more. Recovery rocks and reels my world. I hope yours is too.

Yours to have,
Barbara Rue

Subject: Re: I'm in need Mon 07 May 2012, 11:10 pm

Barbara,
I just looked at the date of your original post, it was back in 2010. How the years have gone by and we are still here doing what we do.
Next month I'll start my taper, slow I will go. I don't see any need to hurry and I wonder what it will be like to be off of this medication that has sustained me all of this time.

I hope I have what it takes. I know I've learned a lot and am more prepared for what comes my way.
I turned 54 yesterday and am ready for the next chapter in my life.
Best wishes to you,
Dee

Subject: Re: I'm in need Tue 08 May 2012, 10:21 pm

Dee,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! sunny

Hope you had a great day and May God bring you good health and much happiness in years to come Very Happy

Subject: Re: I'm in need Wed 09 May 2012, 4:36 pm

Thank you Blue Eyes, it was a nice quiet day and for that I am really grateful. I've found that I really enjoy my peace and quiet when I can get it. lol
I hope all is going better for you, keep in touch. okay?
Dee

Subject: Re: I'm in need Sat 19 May 2012, 8:42 am

Hello ladies,

Not sure if I ever really "met" some of you , since I'm a newbie.
I posted alot when I first start Suboxone back in January and then stopped.

I'm back, if you read my recent posts struggling with my dose amount.
Dee, I didnt know you started a taper. I feel like I have not yet found the dose I should be at.

I, like Barbara, Started on Sub, not really knowing everything. I was desperate. I was dying inside, I needed immediate help. I got on it and then did my research.
My point is, I didnt know I would be dependent on this for many months, even years for all I know. I didnt know I would have to taper off this. I'm not regretting my choice.
God knows where I would be if I didnt get on Subs.

I'm curious how long everyone has been on Suboxone and their thoughts about that?
I think I might start a new thread asking that very question. We need to wake this board up. I would love daily posts from people !

Thank you ladies, hope your doing well on your road to recovery.