I wish I could get on suboxone

Well I called the Dr’s office again first thing this morning and asked why they were so vague with me about treatment. The nurse told me that my paperwork had to go through a few more set’s of hands and if I didn’t hear anything by Thursday to give a call back. She then said that they didn’t now if there would be an opening that soon for me because someone had to be leaving treatment in order for me to start treatment.
It has been 5 day’s last Thursday since I called these people in the first place. By the time I do get to see this Dr now, might not be for a while or even ever. Now what? Do I stay here and sit in this lonely place and hide? Do I go to the pharmacy on the 18^th to fill my last script, and go through this all over again? I don’t know what to do! Do I start all over again with making phone call’s to yet another Dr?
This just seems so messed up!! Why is it so hard just to get your foot in the door?
The addict in me is starting to say, screw this freaking game George, go get your shit and use, along with a case of beer ( preferably Bud,) to make you feel even better and a pack of Marlboro red’s, ( I quit smoking about a month ago because the Dr that did my surgery told me smoking would make my neck heal a lot slower.) so I’ve been a good sport so far in this whole mess I’ve put myself into.
I know I’m a person that is addicted to instant gratification! I think I’m entitled to some kind of explanation from someone. I’ve never went 5 day’s before. I can’t remember that far back! Now I am starting to have second thoughts. I am over that first hurdle with the physical part. Now the mental obsession is kicking in my brain. What a mess! I guess the best thing to do would be to have some faith, and do nothing. Calm down and wait. I still have a choice for another 2 day’s. We’ll see…………..G

Thank you Dee and Cathy, it is Thursday the 18^th of March and I really do want to use right now. I could have refilled one of my prescriptions today but I choose not to. I don’t want to quit before the miracle, so to speak. Last night, I went to a NA meeting here in town and got some phone numbers and support with what I’m going through. I’m not a stranger to recovery by any means. I was a productive member of AA for about 10 years of which I was clean and sober. I started attending in 1988 and was first introduced to percocet in 1992 after a auto accident. I took them only as prescribed knowing in my head that I liked that feeling. I was introduced to Vicodin in 1998 after another accident and I could no longer take them as prescribed at that point. My primary care physician wrote me prescriptions for Vicodin every month for over that 10 year stretch. Yet another auto accident in 2008, involving a tractor trailer and multiple injuries, surgery’s and pain management later I find myself here today.
I don’t know if I would have ever left AA if a person didn’t totally piss me off by telling a whole room of people that I was not sober at all for taking pain medication in the first place. I will be very careful who I let into my life now because as you know, people are critical. Especially when you are not adhering to there certain rules regarding recovery, or 12 step fellowships. I don’t think AA, NA or whatever program you are a part of should require a person to be 100 percent honest with a whole room of people about something so personal and precious as your own life. I know for a fact that if I had shared last night about trying to get on Suboxone, I would have had a lot of people telling me that was wrong, just abstain and work the 12 steps.
For me it’s knowing that I WILL fail without Suboxone in the environment that I find myself most of the time in life, by telling my brain it’s okay to take that first pill. I have lost week’s, years and even decades by doing things, “ MY WAY”
Today I called the help line on suboxin.com and asked them to help me find a Dr in my area that takes my insurance. Still no luck. But I do have faith. Sooner or later someone will call me and let me into their program. I just hope for my sake, I am still in a safe environment. I will be returning to work in a few weeks and without suboxone, I have no chance.
I will continue to be in touch as this website is very helpful to me and the rest of my life.
George

Hi George,

I'm Barbara and was into A.A. starting in 1984. It took me untill 1991 to stay sober of alcohol. Yeah, they talked about me too. Most of them had their little secrets and relationships going on. They say you are as sick as your secrets. If you put your business out there with these people, they will judge you. That's what I like about our place here. You are never judged, just understood cause we have all been were you are. I'll include in my prayers tonight you get some help and you hang in there till you do. What you are feeling is normal. I was on Suboxone for going four years and because of my medical condition, it quit working for me. I had to get off and now I may need to take treatments for Hepatitis C, which is going to make me sick again.

George, I'm sure your time will come. Just keep trying to get yourself well. It is well worth all the pain and efforts you are going through.

Keep us up on what is happening to you. You know the basics from the 12 steps. I know you know patience and hanging on. I wish you the best.

Love,
Barbara

George,

I have almost 3 yrs clean myself and I owe it to Suboxone. I hear you about AA. When I first got clean, I was going to AA regular and got a sponsor. My sponsor ended up dumping ME because he wasn't comfortable with me being on Suboxone.

Officially AA and AA members are not supposed to have any opinion or business getting involved with what is going on between a doctor and patient.

One thing I learned though is that I wasn't going to let something said or done by somebody at a meeting to F with my sobriety.

I don't consider being on Suboxone a "SECRET". It's more like nobody's business

If you are not abusing suboxone, then it's certainly not a "dirty" secret which CAN affect sobriety.

I do think you would be wise to keep suboxone on a very need-to-know basis. I used to go to NA meetings but I found that they can be much more harsh than AA as far as drugs that aid sobriety.

As I recall, at one meeting, when they were reading through the traditions or something, they went out of their way to EMPHASIZE that if anyone was using, they were welcome at the meeting but asked not to speak.

THEIR definition of "using" included Methadone and Suboxone.

I don't know if that attitude has changed in the last few years with Suboxone gaining more use and acceptance but I haven't been back in a long time.

One last thing about AA and NA 12-step meetings. There is a wide range of opinions as to the value and even appropriateness of 12-step meetings for people dealing with mental issues, aka Dual-Diagnosis addicts.

Depending on the person and the mental issues they are dealing with, 12-step meetings can do more harm than good.

I want sobriety bad enough that I pay $700 out of pocket per month for the visit and script. Even at that price, it's a bargain compared to what I'd be paying to stay high 24/7