Hello kimbo

Subject: Hello kimbo Sat 14 Nov 2009, 1:21 am

Hello Kimbo,
How are things going for you?
I haven't heard anything from you in awhile and to be honest when someone as active as you are on the forum disappears or stops posting I tend to get worried about them.
Is everything okay? If you need to talk about anything you know that you can always send me an email and I will be happy to lend an ear anytime.
Please when you have a minute, check in and let me now how you are.
Yours in recovery,
Dee

Subject: Re: Hello kimbo Tue 17 Nov 2009, 4:19 am

Im here a live and hanging in there . I knew that when I stopped using the opiates life would still be life..The suboxone keeps me well ..The pain is still there hoping to find some end to hurt ..I knew what expect from the vics humans on the other hand no way ..What can I say she brings out the best and worst in me at the drop of a hat .. She can and will push my buttons almost to breaking point having spent many night crying myself to sleep wondering whether or not I'm good enough ..Right know Im trying figure out where to draw the line in the sand either to make or break this relation ship.I see glimmers of something that is wonderful that it takes my breath away .Yet at the same time it hurts like being dope sick ..I can do take care of myself to my best ..I write post do therapy each and everyday I get one day older no spring chicken any longer and that the scary part to me .I know the man that I am and am becoming ..My wants and needs are simple but hard to find some one that give those things to me ..Maybe I'm to set in my ways,, don't think so .. Will keep up the fight

My recovery is my own and in that I'm glad I have this place and the people here that have walked the miles in these old worn out shoes ..I know what values are and I do honor them ..

Kimbo

Subject: Re: Hello kimbo Tue 17 Nov 2009, 2:49 pm

Hi Kimbo,
How is today treating you? I see that you were up late into the night. Another rough one, huh? Recovery is such an emotional roller coaster, isn't it? Just the other day, you were very proud of yourself for accomplishing re-modeling that entire room & doing it well & doing it right. I was so happy for you! I could feel your positive vibes flowing out! I was under the impression that things were going well with you & Jamie. I am sorry to hear that you are still dealing with these issues as well. It does make it hard. It's hard on both sides. I know that you know what your morals & ethics are & now that your not using, they are showing more than ever. I know that I do not have to tell you that we will do anything to get our drug while we were using. It still disgusts me to think about. But I know that no matter what, you will not let anything stand in the way of your recovery. Now that you have been freed of opiates for over a month, probably closer to a month & a half, you deserve to be proud of yourself! You have gotten your disease in remission & not only that, but they are going to pay for it for you!!! That is so great! I have been on Suboxone for 20 months & have had to pay for all but one month out of pocket. My Mom has helped me to be able to remain on this medication. My doctor is hoping for a spot to open up with a new doctor joining their program. I will know at my next appt, but what a relief on your end!! Once again, I am very happy for you. You are taking your recovery very seriously & you are proving that everyday. You deserve to walk with your head held high Kimbo! When it comes down to you & Jamie, I don't have good advice because my relationship still struggles, but I am learning that the main thing is just complete honesty. They are looking for something to be wrong & they have every right to feel that way because really, how many times have we lied to them? Hello kimbo Icon_sad

We can do nothing about the past & only work on the future. I feel very lucky that Matt still wants to be here with me with all that I have had going on, but we are still making it. I encourage you to try your hardest to make amends for the hurt that has been caused, but not at the expense of it making you a doormat! A zero, a nothing. If she is taking away from your recovery, then I do suggest you re-evaluvate your relationship & where it's headed? You may not be a spring chicken, but that doesn't mean a thing Kimbo! You are a good, kind hearted person that cares about others, that is capable of loving someone, but I hope that she also sees that man & treats him accordingly. Did you do anything today that you regret? Yesterday? They add up Kimbo! I understand all too well crying myself to sleep, sometimes still... But I am free of opiates & I am here with my children & family. Hello kimbo Herz

Where I belong.
I am very proud of how well you have done Kimbo & you should be as well!! Stay strong through the hard moments because as you know, they will pass. Keep doing what you are doing. Staying busy, therapy, posting, however you are working your recovery because it has been working for you, right? That is what I strongly encourage for anyone in recovery. We are all different, we all have different needs or different reasons that we went onto these meds to begin with, mainly pain, but there is not just one set way of how to recover from addiction. I say if you find a way that works for you, that is what you should do. For you, sandng floors. For me, changing diapers. You see what I am getting at? Please be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished Kimbo. The hardest part is over. Stay strong, my friend! Hello kimbo Icon_cyclops

We will keep on trudging through those old, dirty worn out shoes! All of us, together! Hello kimbo Star3

Your Friend in Recovery,
Beth Hello kimbo Herz

Subject: Re: Hello kimbo Wed 18 Nov 2009, 9:11 pm

Hello Kimbo and hello to you too Beth,
In reading Beth's post to you, something stood out and struck a cord with me. I don't want to make anyone mad at me but I have to say what I feel just the same.
Beth you said,
"They are looking for something to be wrong & they have every right to feel that way because really, how many times have we lied to them?"
They have the right to be angry for what we did in the past true, but they don't have the right to keep looking for us to do something wrong.
I agree that,
''We can do nothing about the past & only work on the future."
But how can someone work on the future if the person we are to spend the rest of our lives with only want to hold on to our wrongs? It may just be me, but I don't think they have a right to free reign to keep looking for us to do wrong.

Kimbo,
You are good, and you have a lot of good in you. Yes, you did something wrong when you stole her rings and sold them. But there has got to be a point to where she attempts( I wanted to say "works") to let it go so that the two of you can heal.
We are all set in our ways, but somewhere there is someone that is set along with us.
No one can tell you when to draw the line, but only you can know when the time will be.
Ask yourself what it is you want. What do you really want? Is it possible?
You have some healing to do. Take your time and let your mind heal as it will. We are all here for you. Anytime that you feel the need to post, please do.
Writing your thoughts can be a great source of healing. Are you keeping a journal? A journal will give you a great tool that you will be able to look back on and see where you are now.
I wish I knew the words to make you feel better but I don't. Just know that your doing a great job in your recovery and you will come through this. Keep taking those steps towards your goal and the rest will follow.
Yours in Recovery,
Dee

Guest

Hi Kim,

We don't or haven't talked very much, but I know exactly where you are coming from. There's many periods of adjustments you and your wife are going to go through. As painful as things may seem, it's the winding way you make it back to where you want to be. I can relate to you being in pain cause everyday I deal with pain from past accidents, beatings and arthritis. Sometimes I wish for just a few minutes of being pain free. I know I can't take anything stronger than an Advil or Aleve. All I can do is rest and take hot baths. I was up last night from 2:00 to 3:30 walking a cramp out of one of my legs. I'm a stage hand and do a lot of grouling work for hours. I'm paid well, but I pay the next day as well. I've been in pain for so long I deny it's there most of the time. The rest of the time I have a far away look in my eyes and pretend to be somewhere else.
The only man I've really loved was shot and killed over a Cocaine deal while I was in prison. When I hear a song we both liked or listened to, my heart just aches for him to be alive. I told you about this to stress to you, be glad you have someone to hold on to. Nothing worthwhile is easy. It takes time to get over hurts and blames. I think about my Father when he was alive, half the time I couldn't stand him. What I would give to have him here now. To see what I'm doing with my life. How I've changed and the good things I do. Your good works will shine in everybodies eyes for you. You have just got to hang and no matter what don't cave. You have gotten yourself on the right road, it's just a road with just a small light in the distance.
I hope you didn't mind me speaking my peace, but I felt for you when you talked about your relationship. I say, give it a year and then decide what is best. In the meantime, give it all you have to grow. I don't know if there's a lot of arguing going on, but when she does or says something that bothers you, say, "honey, it hurts me when you say this or do that." Let her know how much you want a happy life with her and how important she is to you. Do small things to make her smile and feel safe.
I care so much for the people who are just coming up into recovery. You are so fragile and your nerves and heart are in peices. It will take time to put it all where you want it, but it will happen. Think about some of what I've said. Like they say, "If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it." I've put this out to you because I care about other people's pain. Physical and emotional pain. Both can keep us awfully unhappy if we let it.

Yours in the struggle,
Barbara

Subject: Re: Hello kimbo Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:40 pm

Hello again,

I don't know what happened, but I had to sign in as a guest to get the message above to you. It didn't matter, I just wanted to get it to you. I'm in hopes I didn't upset you. It isn't my intention at all.

Your friend,
Barbara

Subject: Re: Hello kimbo Sat 05 Dec 2009, 10:36 pm

Hi Kimbo,

Would like to know if you are doing okay and asking you to check in with us.

Stay warm and happy.

Love,
Barbara

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