Hi Barbara, Dee and Beth,
Thank you all for writing...I feel very welcomed...and already feel in my heart that this is going to be a wonderful place for me to be.
I just started the treatment with Suboxone on October 6th. I have already experienced how wonderful this medicine is...being in moderate withdrawal the day I went for my first doctor visit. I need to thank my sister for sitting down and talking to me about my addiction and convincing me that it was time to do something positive about it. THANK YOU SIS! My sister is also using Suboxone, for nearly a year now. I have another sister that don't live near me that has addiction problems and she has yet to reach out for help. She has those around her convinced that she is clean...but I know in my heart that she isn't...being a pro at it...I can see right through her...and she is only fooling herself...as I did for years. I love her all the same and hope that soon she is pointed in the right direction. My whole point of telling you about my sisters is I am still scratching my head as to how 3 sisters all have ended up with the same addictive personalities? It just makes me wonder why?
Anyway...I have been using prescription drugs for over 20 years. The first few years it was here and there...nothing drastic...and I could stop without to many symptons...but as the years went by I slowly but surely became very addicted...from Tylenol 3's in the beginning...which I don't think I ever was truly addicted to those...they made me tired so I stayed away from them unless it was the only thing I had to use...my main pill was vicodin for many of the years...then adding morphine to the routine...recently the morphine was something I couldn't get easily so I basically went back to just using vicodin.
Couple weeks ago I was getting low on my pills...I knew I would run out and I was freaking out abou it. I called my sister knowing that she had the Suboxone and asked her if I could please get a few to get me through to my next refill on my vicodin. She was not happy with me but told me to come over...when I got there I was crying because I was feeling bad about even asking her...she took me into her bedroom away from the others in the house and she said we are calling my doctor to set up an appointment for you...so you can get the help you need...I of course fought her on it...but she said she wouldn't help me if I didn't do it. I agreed and we made the appointment. We sat in her bedroom that day for a few hours crying...I poured my heart out about all that was going on in my life. The day of my first visit she couldn't go...she was going too...but work changed for her. I was going to cancel but she refused to let me. I said fine, I will go. The hour and a half drive that day was the longest drive I have experienced...I was nervous, scared, in moderate withdrawal, and had no clue what to say to this doctor that didn't know me. I called my sister on the cell and said I can't do it...she said yes, you can...so she talked with me the rest of the trip and to the point where I was going into the front door. She assured me that the doctor was very nice and understanding...and she was RIGHT! I felt right at home...and the staff could not have been more supportive. I went through the evaluation and he wrote the scrip out for me to take to get filled...then I had to come back so I could be shown how to take the medicine properly. After I got back with the pills and took one...I almost instantly started feeling better. I sat there for 30 minutes...and by the time I left I was feel good....not great...but good.
I am so thankful for this medicine...and wish I would have seeked out the help years ago...but I can't look back I can only look forward and move in that direction.
Financially I don't know how I am going to do it...the initial appointment was $350 and weekly visits will be $100 until I get put on monthly visits. The Suboxone for 20 pills was $152. I was like holy cow....I do not have any insurance since my divorce...the cobra insurance was so expensive I had to let it go. I am looking into the assistance program with Suboxone but read that only 2 or 3 patients can get the medicine for free...per doctor that can subscribe the medicine. I am not sure if my doctor can or cannot get it for me but will ask him when I go back on Tuesday...I have printed off the information to take with me. This is the other sad part...my daughter helped me with my first visit...I make only $800 dollars monthly...have car payment, car insurance.....my boyfriend pays the rest of our bills...we struggle to put food on the table. My daughter, GOD BLESS HER, helped me out this first time...and I did feel bad about it because she just lost her husband to colon cancer...he was only 28 years old. She has two babies, ages 3 and 4. When her husband died she did get some money...her house was paid for...but she has her two children to raise and I shouldn't be taking money away from her....it is way to tough out there and it makes me feel bad that I have to depend on her. I do know now how much she loves me...she jumped right in there and said Mom, your worth every penny of that money...I don't want you to die and if you don't stop...your going too. I would spend my last dollar on this she told me. I love her so much...she has gone through alot with me.
If anyone would happen to know of any available programs I would love to hear about them. I am not on any assistance in the state I live...I don't think I qualify...and would they pay for this type of treatment anyways? I could sure use any useful information that any of you have. I need to be in this treatment...I am determined to do this some how...some way. I started walking yesterday....30 minutes....I am trying to put in place a plan for me to get better...I want to live...I want to be the person I once was...I have joined Here To Help and am keeping track of everything on the planner program they have...it is a really nice site also. I think I have read every page on there! My mind cannot get enough of reading about others and what they are doing to cope..etc...I really want to dedicate part of who I am to helping others once I figure I have something to offer...Wow...I am just rambling on here....and it is late...so I must get some rest because the past couple of night's I have not slept well at all because I have been clued to my computer reading about Suboxone....the communities, the forums..etc...so it's off to bed for me. I will be here daily...Someday I want to give back...right now however I have to focus on getting better....please give me any advice, information, etc that you feel I need to know. Again thank you all for your encouraging words....Michelle
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