Swept up into the tornado...

Subject: Swept up into the tornado... Fri 25 Sep 2009, 8:19 pm

Hello to all,
I thought that this picture pretty much described how I am feeling these days. Spinning out of control. Swept up into the tornado... Icon_pale

I have been unable to find a good Suboxone Provider & have only but a little less than two weeks left of Suboxone before I completely run out. I am scared. I do not want to fall backwards & have even had other members making phone calls on my behalf. (by their own doing, not because I have asked for anyone other than for one specifc doctor to be notified of my situation) I don't know what to do anymore & am feeling quite hopeless. I am reaching out, yet again, to anyone who may know of a good doctor that I could see to receive a prescription from a Provider. We need so many more Providers that it is unreal that more doctors are not jumping onto this bandwagon of recovery. Yet, that is out of my control & I have a hard time with letting go of things that are indeed out of MY control. I know that comes with recovery & is part of the Serenity Prayer, but I guess that I am not there yet when its my recovery that we're discussing. Swept up into the tornado... Fresse

I need help. I do not know how else to say it or ask for it. I need the "right" person to read this & say I know what we can do to get this gal through this ordeal legally. I hope that anyone of you may have the answers that I so desperately need!! If so, please take 2 minutes of your time to just let me know which way to go. "Tap your heels three times repeating, "There's no place like home!" Whatever you have to suggest, I will listen to & consider your opinions. Thank you very much!
Your Friend spinning through this tornado of Recovery,
Dorothy Swept up into the tornado... Herz

(Beth)

Number of posts : 256 Age : 67 Registration date : 2009-01-10

Hey Beth, I sooooo wish I could help more. But what we talked on the phone about might be your next choice. If you haven't already please talk to Dee about it.

Your Kiddo's are so cute. They actually brighten up my day today just listening to them giggle. I have to close for now and get supper ready. We are having Pasta and sauce YUMMY! Love, Your BFF, Cathy

Subject: Re: Swept up into the tornado... Sun 27 Sep 2009, 3:16 pm

Hi Cath,
Thank you for your concern my friend! I really appreciate the contact & how long, how much of your day that you sacrificed to be able to just talk to me! Especially because I didn't feel like talking to anyone at all, but you helped me right through it all. Thank you again. I haven't had a chance to speak to Dee yet about what we wre discussing, but I certainly do plan on doing so. As she has seen both sides of it. Also, thank you for helping me to figure out the exact amount of days that I had left in the "countdown" & for the advice to not wait until that last week to try to see that doctor, in case he does in fact say no. I can only continue to try to stay optimistic that something will work out & to keep praying. It's the weekend, remember?
We are having issues with Nadine today, as she does have daily chores that we expect of her to have completed without having to stand over top of her in order to be finished & properly. I'm tired of a half done job & her sneaking around as to not have to do the job properly. Then, when I say anything or attempt to reprimand her, she acts like the world is ending. Her & Matt are both hard headed & will just continue to argue & fight- it makes me crazy! Jut get the chore done & shut your mouth, as she is turning what should be a half an hour job into a five hour escapade!! Tears & all. Not to mention that she told me that she hated him! Then, they go outside & talk for a while, he takes her to buy her a Monster, which is her favorite energy drink & she comes back like a new kid. We'll see, her stuff isn't completed yet. Yet, since eight this morning, this whole incident has been going on & I am sick of the constant fighting. More than anything, I just want to relax. Is that ever going to be possible?
I have another bit of stress going on with her biological father, as I sort of explained to you, but now his current on again, off again girlfriend is calling me to ask me questions. I repeatedly told her that I did not want to get in the middle of their problems. I did NOT feel comfortable being involved. Yet the girl was very nice & sounded desperate. I refused to answer many of her questions, but when I found out that he was also beating her up over being ten minutes late from the grocery store, I knew tha she was telling the truth because he used that very same line on me, except that I was only 5 minutes late. She said, I know that you don't want to be involved, but will you answer one yes or no question for me. "Was he ever violent to you, like a spilt personality, then go back & act like nothing ever happened?" (after already beating her up for it) I remember those days ever too well. I have forgiven him, but I will never forget the things that he did to me. I told her to trust her instincts & did she want her three daughters living with a man that hurt their mother and did she, herself, want to live that way? I told her to not be a doormat! She told me that she has no self worth left & all that she wants to do is go into her room & sleep. Mind you, she is a Registered Nurse working full time, as he does NOT work. I know that there are three sides to every story, so somewere in between there lies the actual truth. I just find it odd that they are both calling me for advice on their relationship... She also told me that when they fight he says things to her such as "Well Beth has also had three children & at least she could get her figure back." Apparently, this girl had to have a histerectomy a few years back & he says to her "Well Beth can at least bear more children, etc." He says things that he knows will hurt. But why in the hell would he be comparing her to me after over 13 years of being divorced? I think that is horrible! He is a mean Irish drunk that has no desire to change his ways. I am just ever so thankful that God gave me the courage to divorce him at twenty years old & not waste my life with someone treating me like that.
Anyways, that has pretty much been the gist of my weekend since I have spoken to you. Nothing too exciting- just more bad memories! And the gratefulness that I feel to have a man like Matt, who is improving with his tantrums. (all drug related!) We haven't had any issues in quite a while regarding that whole situation. Again, thank God! I feel blessed for my beloved family, depsite my vented frustrations at times.
(oh yeah, and I forgot to tell you that they (the ex's or sexes) signed up for a "Swingers Club" together, where they ended up going last weekend & getting a hotel, where she ended up leaving him!!) Matt says this is why he gets up every morning, to see that there is justice in the world!!
Thanks for always being here for me Cath! You are such a wonderful friend!
Love you,
B
**Also, today is a "ONE tablet day" so I am not feeling the greatest! I know that they say that it stays in your body for longer than that, but it still makes me feel way less than great on these such days, even if it is simply just mental. However, I still feel as I feel! What else can I say about that? It is what it is!**

Number of posts : 256 Age : 67 Registration date : 2009-01-10

Hi Beth, I know we just got off the phone a few hours ago. I hope your evening went better. About Nadine she is doing the 13 year old thing being alittle bit rebelious about doing chores. I know I always tried to get away with not doing anything when I was that age. As for your ex and his girlfriend I really don't know what to say to that. She is looking for any answer but the truth. She most likley has some time spent into the relationship and is afraid to end it. Also it seems like your ex hasn't gotten over you and he is trying to mold his girlfriend into you.

Let me know what happens tomorrow. I have an appt. with my counsler at 2:00PM but I'll be home after that so if you need to talk you can always call me.

Love, Your BFF, Cathy

Subject: Re: Swept up into the tornado... Wed 30 Sep 2009, 11:12 pm

Hello Beth,
Hang in there just a little bit more. You have your appointment on Friday. Please go to that appointment. I know that I came in on this conversation a little bit late and I do apologize for that.
Things will work out.
What was Matt thinking? Sorry to say this but you know that I speak my mind. Swept up into the tornado... Icon_wink

I understand that he and Nadine needed to get out and talk but to buy her that Monster before she finished her chores was not right.
Why should she do what is expected of her if he is going to bail her out?
Do you remember when he made the deal with her that he would do her chore and then he did not follow through. She escaped without doing the chore and so did he. That left it up to you once again to do. Maybe I shouldn't be bringing this up while your feeling the way that you are. But that is me.
It sounds like your ex is still having feelings for you that he can't let go of. Maybe to the point of obsession, be careful there my friend.
Here if you need to talk.
Yours,
Dee