Hello Paul,
I'm here to welcome you too. I'm Barbara, a moderator and mentor to anyone who joins our forum. After almost three grouling years I have made it in recovery as far as I see myself going. I'm in a good place and in reward in so many ways since I've joined this forum and followed it's guidelines. I have a few things that worked against me making it at all; a ratty liver and having Hepatitis C. My last liver check was fantastic as far as the numbers. I still have a problem with ambitition and just plain getting off my duff. I think I was born lazy and in another lifetime I was of royalty and was waited on hand and foot. I know how I want things to be, but just getting up and doing it is another story. I'm quite different when I'm at work...there's not a harder worker than me and I do it with the intent of doing a good job. Most recovered addicts are trusting and hard workers. We come to a place where we know there are repercussions for being dishonest and rewards for being above board. What we do in one place has a reaction to what happens in another. Then good deeds are sometimes not rewarded cause we are only doing what we should be doing all along and that's being a decent human being. All in all I would not trade my worst day of recovery for the life I knew before. It seems that person has gone away and I've become someone else.
I'd love to hear from you and let us share notes. If you have any problems at all follow the instructions Dee left above and I'm sure we can work it out. Don't let anything or anyone stop you from doing what your heart says. I know you might feel like a bowl of speghetti right now, but you can work it out if you're willing to try. We are here to support and guide you through your transitition. Don't be afraid or feel guilty. We have all been there, no matter where you are in recovery.
Talk back, it's the first step and the most important one you'll make. I don't need to mention it's the hardest step. I showed up at my clinic in my housecoat and robe. I couldn't even comb my hair. On the way home I couldn't drive, but I rolled down my window and let my hair blow in the breeze. I knew I had been set free from the death grip opiates had on my soul and life. Good luck to you Paul...even if I don't hear from you, I wish you well. We could use more men on the forum to bring in the male aspect of the circle. Again, good luck and God's speed or whomever you listen to. I'll be around, so jump in anytime.
Yours in the struggle,
Barbara
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