Where is everyone?

Subject: Where is everyone? Wed 22 Apr 2009, 6:28 pm

I know that I haven't been here in a few days but for that matter no one else has either. Where is everyone at? I know that Barbara has been ill and it's understandable but what about the others?
Anyway, I just thought I'd check in with you. I'm doing fine, just a little tired out is all. Been off work for the last 3 days and have to go back once again tomorrow. Been having a very hard time sleeping at night, my mind doesn't want to shut down. Been reliving my past, can't seem to let it go at times. A whole lot of "What If's" have been spinning through my head. And a whole lot of regrets also. But I also know that I can't undo the past, I can only go forward. But what's next? is what I've been asking myself. As you can tell, I've been beating myself up mentally. Sometimes I get so tired of having to be strong and not letting my guard down. Well, I guess I'll check in with you later.
Have a good night everyone, Madogs

Subject: Re: Where is everyone? Wed 22 Apr 2009, 11:33 pm

Sugar, you'll be okay. You're just between where you were, where you are and where you want to be. Be blind in your faith...give your mind a rest. Remembering the past will make us intelligent enough to do something different next time. Sorry I haven't been here for you.

I'm feeling some better and used a lot of the day out in the yard. Weeding, going after the ants and making everything pretty again. This is my therapy. Came in flushed with working in the sun. I have a lot to do on a daily basis. Things depend on me and if I didn't carry on, things would fall apart. I know how you feel.

I'm going to bed, good night to you too.

Love,
Barbara

Subject: Re: Where is everyone? Thu 23 Apr 2009, 8:28 am

Good Morning Madogs,
Yes, your right. It is awfully quiet around here these days. Sometimes that is the way it is. You will see times when there are so many people posting that it is hard to keep up with what is being said and then there are times like this when it seems like everyone is on vacation.
But I am glad to see you!
The feelings that you are having are not unusual in recovery. Not at all. I have so many "what if's" going through my head all of the time. What if I would have done this, or what if I would not have done that.
I really believe that every now and then we have to take out the past like an old antique, look at it for it's worth and then put it back where it belongs.

Remind yourself of the person that you are today.
You have a genuine love that comes from deep within you. I know you do.
As always we are here if you need us.
Yours,
Dee

www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org

Subject: Re: Where is everyone? Fri 24 Apr 2009, 5:33 pm

Hi everyone,

I too am guilty of not checking in lately. Nothing personal, just caught up in my own little world. This is not necessarily a good thing! I will write more later, I have been a little sick with a flu. Just as I am sure I have recovered it sneaks back in to put me in my place. Nice to see so many new names, can't wait to talk to everyone! In the meantime, if anyone wants/needs to talk you can usually get me via email: beinok@yahoo.com. I am in month number 17 taking Suboxone and still have nothing but great things to say! Everyone take care and have a great weekend!
Beinok (and always hoping everyone else is as well I love you

Subject: Re: Where is everyone? Fri 24 Apr 2009, 9:28 pm

Hi Beinok,
It is real good to see you again. Please come by more often.
I do understand when your not feeling well though. Please gt your rest and know that we are always here.
Enjoy your weekend, we have a hot one coming our way here in Vermont. I can't wait.
Yours,
Dee

Subject: Re: Where is everyone? Fri 24 Apr 2009, 11:03 pm

Hi Everyone,

I worked today till 4:30. I do a lot of walking. Setting up conventions and when I got in my feet were pulsing with pain. I wanted a foot rub so badly. I thought about my Father when he use to walk to and from work. Being a proudful Florida Cracker, he would never accept a ride. When he got in, he would want me to fix some Epsom Salt water and massage his feet. I'd give anything to do it for him today, but at the time I thought it was a chore I didn't want to do. Now I understand how agonizing he must have felt. I wish I had been kinder. I wish I hadn't cried when I ask him could I finish and he said, Just a little more.

It's gotten late again and I'm making more mistakes then I am typing. Yes, I love you all who are trying to do the right thing in life.

Good night for now.

Yours in the struggle.
Barbara

Subject: Re: Where is everyone? Sat 25 Apr 2009, 7:00 am

Hi Barbara,
Walking is good not only for our health but also our soul. When I walk I am able to think about what is going on around me. Somehow things aren't as bad as I sometimes think they are.
I'm sure your father understood how you felt. Growing up, my father had been a truck driver, when he would come home from his stints on the road, he would ask us kids to massage his back. Sometimes I felt as if it would go on forever and I too would wan to quit.
Now that I'm older I cherish a good gentle back rub.
You were a good daughter I'm sure. You were the oldest and left to tend to the younger ones. You have done well my friend.
Yours,
Dee

Subject: Re: Where is everyone? Sat 25 Apr 2009, 8:17 pm

Hi Dee,

You're right about the walking, but I'm either pushing a heavy cart of equiptment or carrying something heavy. I don't know how I got it, but from the inside of my ankles up to the calves of my legs is a blotchy red rash on both legs. I put some Cortezone 10 on the, but it's still there. It doesn't itch, burn or hurt. It's just there. I know it's not the antibiotics because I've had this before when I got in from work, but it was just on my inside if my ankles. I'm falling apart. My foot surgery is messed up, I still have a callus on the bottom of my foot and it hurts to walk. I've gone bare-footed mostly...even to go out to feel the horses. I have an appointment with the maniac on Monday, 9:30 in the morning. They've got the nerve to bug me about $200. my insurance didn't pay.

I won another $100. on a scratch off ticket.

Hows's things by you? I'm going to call you in a minute.

Love,
Barbara