Say a prayer for Mez

I've been reading in the news the town of Victoria, Australia where Mez is from the whole town has burned. I'm in hopes she is okay. I know part of her address is Frankston. I hope this means she is away from the actual fire. I haven't heard from her in days and I'm real concerned. Oh Mez, please let us hear from you. I know what devistation you must be going through. Just a "hello" would be wonderful right now.

I'm going to tell myself you are fine and you will post soon.

My best goes out to you.

Your British friend,
Barbara

Hi All,

The fires are terrible here. We are very lucky where we live. I will jump back on here later on, I just thought I would let you know that I'm O.k. Have been really busy finding my son. He's been found and is O.K.

I'm really grateful that I am on suboxone. I would hate to be struggling with an active addiction surrounded by so much terrible news. Everyone I see has lost someone to the fires or they are looking for them or there animals.

I have to jump off here for a bit. Will be back soon.

Thanks for being here.

Mez. X

As I was reading this my brother came in and told me to call the fire department. The neighbor was burning trash and the wind caught it, burned my fence and middle of my pasture. Right now I have the horses in the front yard which is about an acre. They will have to stay here untill the fence is fixed. I see now how fast it can happen to you no matter how far away you are.

Mez, I feel sorrow for what is happening to your country. It's a devestation that stikes you to your soul. Thank God I was home and it wasn't worse. It came close to my barn and my Mothers' house.

What is going on for you is much worse. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm just so glad you are okay. Your son is eighteen, he's no longer a juvenile. He is going to have to make his mistakes and face himself. I hope things work out and I hope it doesn't take a tragedy to make it better.

Love your sister,
Barbara

Thanks Dee,

I wish we were all together now watching television and eating these pecans and drinking root beer. A girl who I thought was my friend got mad at me because I wouldn't let her fake a fall at my house to collect from my home owners insurance. I told her to get off my property and don't come back. I'm so hurt. I wish I had good friends like you guys living near me.

Night for now,
Love, Barbara

Hi Mez,

Yes, I do have chickens...they are called Astraloops. They are black with green wing feathers. One hen gives me three to six eggs a day. The fire we had was scary but luckily the wind was blowing away from the corral, hen house and my Moms' house. Our neighbor repaired the fence this morning, so I could put the horses up in the pasture. One thing good is, if we have the rain we are suppose to have. it will make the grass grow back greener. I'm happy you are safe. I know how you feel cause when we had wild fires burning twenty miles from here, we didn't know if they would get it under control or not. This is when we prayed for a hurricane to put it out. Sometimes this is the only way we get rain. I remember growing up, it rained every day at 3:00 and made everything green. Now it goes for a month without a drop. I think the uncertainity of the changes being made effect us with depression and then they talk about global warming and the outer skirts of the states being under water. I have to get happy with my surroundings and hold what is dear to me closer.

Beth, you have been missed and I admire you for sticking out your job. I hope you get the position you want. I know it's hard when you have a family to take care of and try to stay in the work force. I do wish you would let me know how you are getting along.

Sammy, are you near any of the fires out in California? I worry about all of my friends on here and want you all safe and happy. How is Patrick doing? Please let me know how your life is going.

I've got to go start my ritual of feeding the animals and starting dinner. I send my best to all of you and want you to know I care about all of you.

All my Love,
Barbara

Barbara,

That must have been so frightening. Are the horses o.k in the front yard? Thank God your son and you were on the ball. It's just so unbeleivable to hear about the things everyone has experienced. I'm so glad you told your friend to go jump for her silly idea. She is obviously not thinking very straight at the moment.

It is easy to see that so many people have depression. The media just constantly reminds us of all of the destruction in the world. It would be nice if they balanced it out a bit more with the good stuff that goes on in the world. My hubby has been called to the fires. He has to leave early tomorrow morning. I had to make sure he has got his sub. because where he is stationed is where most of the deaths have been and they are still looking for people. I can tell he is worried but he won't admit it. I just hope he stays safe and the wind settles down.

I started my new job and I am feeling a bit flat today. Everything I am going through at the moment seems so trivial. I am not very happy with how the nurses here in this new place work. They are lazy, the ones I have met so far, I hate seeing patients and residents sitting by themselves while nurses are huddled together talking crap to each other and getting paid for it as well. It makes me angry. So far I have just done my work and if there is not much going on, I go and talk to the residents, take them outside, and have one on one time with them. It isn't going down too well. I refuse to bludge on my shift and I know I can't rock the boat but I won't change my personal ethics when it comes to work. Am I being too precious?

Beth, I hope you are going o.k with your job. Did you apply for another? I hope your family is well and that you are having a good week.

Dee, thanks for your prayers and soothing words. I love hearing from you. You do so much for this forum and I always have you in my prayers, and Barbara, for making my recovery so much more worthwhile. Being an Aussie, I always worry about sounding too cheesy. But I mean my words. Most of us Aussies are a negative bunch. Thats why we like to bag Nicole Kidman. So it always feels strange when I speak my feelings. Does that make sense? The Question thingo that you have started Dee is a great idea. I'm gonna have a look and see if there is a new one up. Can anyone choose a topic/question? Don't be mad if this has all been discussed already. I'll go and have a look now. I should have done that first.

Thanks for sharing everone.

Love. Mez.

Hi Mez,

I'll think of a question in a bit. I just wanted you to know everything is fine here. It burnt my electric ribbon I have as a fence on one side. The neighbor fixed it the following morning and the horses are back in the pasture. I should rain tonight and give it a good soaking so it will grow back green. I will plant some rye grass which grows fast and cover up the burnt spot.

Mez, don't worry about your expressions. If I was still in England, I would be calling my purse, me pocket book and things like that. I think you are as cute as a button.
I worry when I don't hear from you especially when I didn't know how close you were to the fires. I read you are taking care of wounded animals. I have bird and dog antibiotics and baby bird powdered milk if you need it. I would also make up a care package of bird seed. Let me know.

Dee, I got the flowers sent to my girlfriend. Girls can send girls flowers, right? We came up together in the union and now she has a comfortable job in the office.
Oh, I go to the doctor this coming Monday and back on call for work. I'll have to start getting back in the groove of rising at 4:30 in the morning. I have a Suboxone appointment tomorrow, so I'll get up and straighten the house and shower to get ready to go.

Beth and Cathy, I hope you are doing well on your new jobs. I know when I get happy where I am, something wonderful happens around the corner. I wish you the best.

Sammy my love, I hope you have got your changes in your clinic under control and remember, it's only temporary. I hope somehting happens and they change the laws and not one act effect everybody.

Closing for tonight. Hope you all sleep well.
Love,
Barbara

Hi Barb, I am glad everything turned out alright after the fire. I bet the horses were really spooked by it. Mez, I saw on the news this firefighter was giving this Kola Bear water. He was drinking right out of the water bottle. He was burned on part of his body but the Vet. said he would survive. I can't even imagine all the lost of life and damage there. It is such a pretty country. Mez, I hope you and your family stay safe. Love, Cathy

Hi Dee,

I love your "Vermontian" expressions. I'll be dressing my feet from now on. I am so ignorant when it comes to the world. I don't realize that some of my language would be expressed differently. I remember billoting a young woman from Santa Monica a few years ago and she had a hard time understanding the Aussie slang. She was a lovely woman but of course over the years I lost contact with her. I have had a shocking track record with friends because we have had such an itinerant life lately.

Thanks for your help re my job. I am no saint but I will always be honest when it comes to working with people who are in such a vulnerable position. How is your rehabilitation going Dee? Are you feeling fit now? I keep getting everyone's lives mixed up on here. I am getting mixed up with all of your professions, etc. I hope you had a safe drive with your sis in law. Ii hope you get on with her well otherwise it would be a long long drive. Are you at school full time? Where do you get all of this enthusiasm Dee? I feel very lazy sometimes when I jump on here.

It isn't every day that I get to meet such inspiring people and I think this place here is really special. I have been a hermit (except for work) for so long that I feel like I am just starting to open up to new possibilities. I have applied to go back to night school to further my nursing and I really did put the application in. I usually just talk about it. If it wasn't for you and the others here, I wouldn't have done that. My life is getting better and my recovery has so much more meaning now.

I think I need to do some more reading about suboxone though. It will do me good to understand the medication that I am taking. I still have a lazy head and it needs improving. I'm off to cook tea now. Its 7.30 on Friday night here. Gus is getting ready to go to BADABING (a headbanger club) and he has a heap of mates over. Its getting noisy.

Thanks for sharing Dee and everyone.

Love Mez. X

Good morning Dee, Cathy, Mez, Beth, and Sammy,

I've got an appointment with my doctor this morning, but wanted to post to you all before leaving the house. If I missed someone above, I'm sorry. I just got up and not thinking clearly yet. I want you all to know how much it makes my day to hear everyone is getting along good. No matter what we are faced with, we find a positive outlook and deal with our troubles with ease. I know it's not always this way, but we bounce back remarkably. I'm in a rush to get showered and dressed, so I hope you all are okay and know I think of you during the day.

Your friend,
Barbara

Hello everybody, my dearest friends!
I cannot even describe how great it is to get onto here, especially just going through my daily routines, feeling blase, then reading posts like the ones above & they help change my whole perspective on the day! It helps me to remember what is important & what to let slide. Often times, I think that I pretty much already know, but its great to get fresh ideas, as well as encouragement. I can never say it enough, but I love you girls & the friendships that I've made here.
Sweet Dee, Are you feeling better? Have you gotten the flu again? My babies have also had it all again as well. I hope that your feeling better than you did while at your class the other day. Is that still going pretty well for you? I hope that you have a safe drive down to see your nieces. Why do they live there? (if its personal, you can always to tell me to butt out!) Is their mother your husbands sister? You have alot of family around, as I do. How is your niece doing with her new baby boy? Is she getting along well & getting used to being a mother? Has her mother been around at all for her? (or just her meds?) Like I've said before, Dee, but all of those girls are so very lucky to have you in their lives! Hope your feeling better girl!
Hey Cathy, How are you getting along today? Did you have your doctors appointment today? How'd that all go for you? Did Jon go this time as well? I think that says so much about him & how much he loves you, but you know that already. I know we've talked about our relationships & how differently things could've turned out, how lucky we really are feeling these days. It seems like you guys are doing great. I was telling Matt that you were grilling out the other night & he's jealous! I cannot wait for the warmer temps to stick around for a bit! I was also telling him about all the fires down under around Mez. I saw on the news last night a picture of all the devestation & that it's all caused by arson. That's so disgusting to me!! Why? Why would someone do this? I also sent you a PM Cathy. Talk to you soon!
Hi Ms. Barbara, How are you doing? It sounds like your also having a go of it with your fire! I'm so thankful that it didn't come up & damage your house nor harm your animals, but especially that you or your family are not hurt. That is definately a blessing! How's your foot feeling? I'm sure that your looking forward to getting back to work, as I know that you've struggled being home all of this time. I try to keep in mind that God has his reasons for these things that are out of our control. I don't know if you read that post about my little incident last Saturday night or not, but I went to the gas station to grab milk & cigarettes around midnight. It's only about a two minute trip, but on the way home, I was pulled over by the cops, yet again!!! He told me that I had a burnt out headlight, which I had no idea about because I was driving Matts Dads car, as it had been behind my van in the driveway when I was leaving, so I just took his car on this two minute trek. He asked me for my license & registration, etc. Girl, I was in my pajamas, a big coat, hat & boots. I didn't even have my purse with me or anything. So, I gave him my social security number & he went back to run me through the computer. Within a minute, maybe two, here comes another police cruiser flying up, with his lights & siren going full blast, and comes to a screeching halt directly in front of my car. He was pulled in at an angle, so that if I were to try to pull back out onto the road, I'd hit his car square on. I'm sitting there thinking, what in the heck is going on here? You have got to be kidding me. I was hoping that I was just having a horrible nightmare & was due to wake up at any moment, but this was no dream. Aghh!! Apparently, due to my OVI charge last year, my license is not valid due to that charge adding six points onto my license, the Ohio BMV has issued a license suspension of six months for that. So, even though my license suspension has long been done with for that OVI charge through the courts, it's currently been re-suspended by the BMV for having too many points on my license. It never ends! I had no clue about this suspension & have been driving all over Gods green earth, to work & the hospital, yada, yada, yada.. Anyways, I had to go back to court this past Wednesday & the judge that I'd previously had wasn't there, so his fill in magistrate made me plead "Not Guilty" so that I could come back to go before the same judge. I have to return to court on March 10th & am still just in shock!! I can't believe that this crap is still happening! Matt keeps reiterating to me that its just not the same as before. This time had nothing to do with drugs nor my addiction. I wasn't lying to him or trying to cover anything up, I just got pulled over. It still just makes me sick! And, obviously, now I cannot drive any longer, once again, until I figure out from the judge what in the heck is going on with my license. Of course, its going to cost mucho donero for more court costs & tickets & fines, etc, etc. Why??? Why now, why? Well, anyways, this has been a big stress for me because court & court dates just cause me great anxiety. Plus, for the financial aspect of it, we already feel like we're sinking as it is. This is just adding on so much more hard earned, wasted money, that it nauseates me to even think about. I'm certainly glad to have employment, a way & a means to making the money, but still, what a waste!! Anyways, I won't be driving for several months, at the very least. I feel "grounded" yet once again! As I was getting at before, I have to believe that God has his reasons for these incidents & maybe I needed to be kept closer to home for a while longer. I don't know, but its out of my control. I could sit here & cry about it all day, everyday, but I don't really see how that will help anything to be any better. Most likely, I will pull down the people around me with my whining & negativity, as that's how I feel when people refuse to see the good of any situation. It sucks the positive energy right out of me to be around negative people. That's also something that I love about this forum, all the positive encouragement & hope that is among us, it helps to spread positive, happy energy & helps give me confidence when I am unsure of myself or my choices & decisions. I'm very thankful for the friendships that I've found here & I really love & care about you girls, and your recoveries, as well. I also feel cared for & that really makes me feel nice inside too!
Mez, Mez, Mez! Hello sweetie! Are you hanging in there? My Good God girl, I couldn't believe the devestation from those fires that I saw on the news last night! That's so very sad! I also heard that it was caused by arson. That simply disgusts me! I really don't understand why people would do that. I'm very thankful that you were able to track down your kids & that you are all safe! I was laughing when you said Gus was getting ready to go to the BadaBing, as that's the name of a strip club on a popular tv series called the "Sopranos" that I love to watch! It's about the mafia, current day, and the trials & tribulations that they have to endure.. If you ever get a chance to watch it, I'd definately recommend that you do. If your not able to come across it, but are interested in seeing it, maybe there's some way that I could mail it to you or something like that. It's probably one of my favorite shows to watch. Are you able to see the same television shows & movies that I am or do you have different listings & shows available? I'm very interested in learning more about your culture & what everyday life is for you, with your surroundings & environment. How is Neil doing? Is he still down around the wreckage or is he back home with you safely? I'm certainly keeping you & your family in my prayers, now more than ever!! I'm happy to hear that things have settled down at your household, despite all that's going on around you, your homefront seems calmer! Sending you hugs Mez!
Hello Sammy, How are things going with you? Are you also having troubles with your Methadone clinic as well? I've never taken Methadone. I'm on the Suboxone & started them last May. I've contemplated Methadone for many reasons, yet, I have not made the change. The more posts that I read about the issues that you guys are having with your clinics, the more that it scares me. Methadone would benefit me for many reasons, such as pain relief & financially, not to mention that I felt like I could get so much done when I did take them. (not ever legally, only when I couldn't get any oxycontins & then, my guy would have those!) But I'm also scared to take anything that could be more addictive to me, as well as the issues with the clinics. The closest one to me is forty five minutes away, but using that reasoning, I went the same distance to go get the opiates, so that part of it shouldn't matter, but it does. I feel fortunate to have the prescription & seeing the doctor once monthly, as well as my counseling appointments already feels like so much. Plus, now that my license is re-suspended, I'll have to get a ride to get anywhere. Not to mention my two babies will need to go along with me, in car seats, diaper bags, yada, yada, yada. What do you think Sammy? Is it worth it to try to switch over to the Methadone? Hope to talk to you soon about it all.
Well, girls, I have to get going here to get some things accomplished around this house. Matts Dad is having a hard time getting back into the swing of things & I really think that he's enjoying having me tend to him, as its also company. I want to get some of his requests granted... More about all of this later!
I've missed you girls & am so glad to get a chance to catch up a bit. Hope everybody's doing well. Talk to you all soon.
Love,
Beth

Hi Beth, whenever sombody says they are having trouble with the law, I always suggest they go to the chaplain of the jail. He has a lot of power and can reccommend you get your license reinstated. Being you are in recovery, have little ones whom need to go to the doctors, you have to drive to work and to the doctor for yourself to get your medicine. It can't hurt and it will be on record you talk to him. Please try it.

You have to be careful driving at night. Ten o'clock at night, I realized I was out of coffee for in the morning. So I like you jumped in the car; no purse, no cell phone or anything. All of the dogs was in the yard, so I let them go. On my way out of the parking lot a car swung in behind me. I took a right and they took a right. I took a left and they took a left! I went down the street before mine and pulled up in someones' driveway. This car pulled up and blocked the driveway I was in. Talk about scared. I pretended I was on the phone and the dogs are all barking. The car inched up a bit and then took off, did a turn around and sat in a field with their headlights on me. I backed out as fast as I could, misjudged the turn and had to do a back up and turn again. I took off for my house and had to get out of the car to open the gait and here come the car from the opposite direction. I opened the gait, got the dogs, left the car where it was and ran in the house and called the law. I waited for them to come to go out and move the car in the gait. I just know I came close to harms way. If not for the dogs, I would have probably gotten snatched. If the people in the house heard me, they probably wouldn't have came out. Things do happen for a reason.

My dogs are hounding me to feed them.

Hi to everyone else. I love you all,
Barbara

Hi Barb, What a scary thing to happen to you. When did this happen? How is your foot healing? It did warm up here in NY but now it is cold again. We had a wind storm that came in. I had to chase down everything that blew off our back deck. Including our birdfeeders. Since you have horses off the racetrack there is a new program on Animal Planet called "Jockeys" that you might be interested in. It comes on Friday nights. When I was a lot younger that is what I wanted to be, but I didn't like how the whole racing industry was like and how they treated the horses. There are some great trainers and owners that will do the right thing by their horses but not many. Barb, I hope you and your family (including fur and feather) have a nice Valentine's Day. To Beth, Dee, Mez, and Sammy: Happy Valentine's Day! Love, Cathy

Hi Cathy, You're right about racing people...there's good and bad. The people who owned Barbarro did all they could to save him, but he developed Laminitis which his hooves on his other legs started to rot. My Sassy broke her ankle during a race, but she recovered. She limps and I have to give her pain powder in her feed each day. I also give her a suppliment that helps her. Poor Sassy was skin and bone when I got her, now I have to watch her weight because of pressure on her ankle.

My pasture caught on fire from the neighbor burning trash and it got away from him. His son came over the next day and repaired my fence. The grass has started to come back in green. There was three fire trucks here and sprayed all of their water on the burnt area, so I guess this helped it come back. I have some grass seed to put down if it ever rains. If I just put it down, the birds will eat it all. I too have bird houses in trees and my back porch. I watch them out my kitchen window and I realize how lucky I am to stand and enjoy something so simple.

I wish everyone a Happy Valentine Day. I didn't do anything different, got some phone calls and emails of well wishes, which was enough. I hope you all found love and happiness. You are my favorite people in my life. You mean a lot to me.

Good night for now.
You have my love,
Barbara

Hi Barb and Dee, It is sunny right now in NY and 34 outside. Dee, What a nice thing your brother-inlaw did for you. Does he live with you and your Husband? Did you get a chance to see the doctor again about your stents? Barb, Sassy was really lucky that the people who race her didn't put her down. Did you get her right from the track or was she adopted from a horse rescue. We have a Thoroughbred rescue group here right by the race track. Mez, Sammy, I hope you ladies enjoyed your Valentines Day. We just sat home and what tv and I baked a chocolate pudding poke cake. Beth, Where are you girl! I miss you. I hope everybody has a relaxing Sunday. Love Cathy

Hi Cathy,

I don't have time to send you a proper reply. I'm on the way to the doctor to get released to go back to work. I'll log back on when I get back and tell you all about it.

You have yourself a fine day and thanks for your post.

Love,
Barbara

Good morning girls!
I hope that you all had a lovely Valentine's Day yesterday. (or I guess that it was really on Saturday) I'm sorry that I haven't been back on here sooner to respond to any messages. As you all know, my babies have been sick again & we had a very difficult weekend with little Matty boy. We actually were in the van, on the way to the Childrens Hospital Friday night, but he finally fell asleep during the ride, so we opted to wait. He is doing much better today- he seemed to be on the upswing yesterday as well, but he's acting much more like himself this morning. Thank goodness! I was really worried about that little bugger. He was just laying around, going in & out of sleep. He also had a temperature of 102.5 degrees, but Tylenol really helped to bring his fever down. He's still not quite right, but getting much closer to being himself again.
I also worked all weekend, as I had to reschedule one of my shifts throughout the week, so I made up the missed hours on Saturday. This week, I'm working tonight, Tuesday, Wednesday & Sunday. The job is still going about the same for me. I absolutely despise telemarketing, but as I continue repeating, it has aspects such as the scheduling & flexibilty that I just can't seem to find at any other job. To be able to start at six in the evening so that Matt can get home from work in time to stay with the kiddos, as well as having so much flexibility if I need to change my days around. So even though the job itself is horrible, its going along okay. I can and will do this for myself & my family. We really need it right now. (desperately!) I will receive my first paycheck this Friday, then will be paid weekly, each Friday. The job will certainly seem more worth it as I begin bringing in pay, actually seeing the money. Even if its for only a minute until I write it back out for bills, none the less, it will help.
So, how's everything for everybody else going? Barbara, are you now back to work as well? If so, I'm sure that your wicked excited! Is it good to see all of your friends/coworkers again? How's your foot doing with all of the activity? You've had alot going on, with work & the animals & the fires, etc. I hope that your doing okay & making sure to take the precautions needed for your foot to continue healing properly. Are you able to use the golf cart type deal still? That's very nice that they made that available to you.
Hi Cathy- how are you girl? I apologize that I haven't gotten back to you sooner. Like I said, it was just a crazy busy weekend, but I did read your message & will definately be going there next to reply. Did you & Jon have a nice weekend together? It was great having the warmer temps for a couple of days- a taste of springtime! It went back to cold again here too, but not horrible. It's around thirty, but the wind isn't too bad! Have you been feeling pretty good? Have you checked into any of those benefits that we had been talking about? It would be perfect for you to be able to do schooling from home. I want to see what classes are available to me online as well. I'm still trying to get my FAFSA application approved before I can schedule any classes. (financial aide) I won't be able to go back right now if they can't help me with the cost of it. I saw that plane wreck that was close to your area. That is really scary! It made me sad to see all of those people & their hurting families. It reminds me again of how very lucky I really am! (and in so many ways!)
Hi Sweet Dee, I've missed you! How are you feeling? Are you still suffering from the flu or have you gotten to feeling better? I sure hope so! You've really had a go of it this year with the flu, etc. It always seems to happen when we get some warm days, then goes right back to winter. Everyone gets sick all over again! Are you still having your class throughout the days? Did you say that its a month long? When did you start it? Have you heard anything new about that job with the receptionist position through the State? I hope that you get that one, as any job with the government, etc- you'll get all of the holidays off & the opportunity for benefits. Is your family getting used to you not being there as much now? Mine has seemed to adjust perfectly fine & are no longer upset when I'm there. Matt tries to keep them busy & now that they all are having to take me back & forth to work, so they know where I am & when I'll be returning. They're all clingy when I get back, but it feels great to be loved & missed! On that note, I've really missed you too! Did you get my PM the other day? Is everything okay with you? I really look forward to hearing from you & am hoping that all is well with you up there in Vermont!! Sending hugs & prayers girl! Talk to you soon!
I also want to say hello to Mez & Sammy too! I hope that you ladies had a nice weekend & a lovely Valentines Day! Mez, how is the situation with all the fires going? Is Neil back yet? Hope you are safe & doing well! I look forward to talking more with you soon. Is your job still going okay? (other than the lazy nurses you have to work with) Hope you guys are hanging in there!
I've missed you all & hope your Monday is super dee duper!!
Love you girls,
Beth

Hi Beth.

My hubby is hassling me for the computer right now. I'll jump on later to say G'day. Hope you and your kin are well.

Catch ya soon.

Love Mez. X

Hello to all of my dearest friends!
I hope that everyone is doing well today. As always, I felt so incredibly blessed when I jumped onto here this morning to read the new posts. I'm so very thankful to have met you girls, as I'm not feeling nearly so alone in the world with my addiction these days. I'm sure that getting back to work & out into the world again has also been a great reminder for me. I know that I continue talking about this job o' mine, but it has created a struggle for me, although I know that I need to try to continue on with it. I don't want to give up & quit. I think that would make me feel let down in myself to know that I couldn't even handle a telemarketing job. I'm not sure what my exact problem is, but sometimes I feel like I just want to curl up into a little ball & cry. Things aren't going so badly for me to justify those feelings, so like I said, I'm not even sure what my deal is with all that. I really can't stand the job itself, but the people are fine & the hours, etc are all tolerable. I'm hoping that last night was just a rough shift for me & that it'll be better tonight.. I know that much of it depends on my mind set & I'm certainly trying to get myself "right" before going back tonight. Paint that big smile on my face.. It'll be okay, everything will be allright. I've gone through much harder ordeals throughout my life & come out okay. I should be able to handle a job that a teenager could do while standing on my head. Not to mention that it's only a five hour shift. I'll keep trying to remind myself of these things to help to get my head on right. Sorry to sound like such a drag. I don't want to be a downer, by any means, so..
Anyways, Heya Mez! It was nice to hear from you. I'm very happy to hear that Neil is back home safely. Is everything back under control with all of the fires in your area, etc? I'm sure that the amounts of the destruction are really just beginning to unfold. It kind of reminded me of the Hurricane Katrina & although the storm was over, the damages were just beginning & continuing to present themselves, more & more & more. Not to even mention the emotional damage that this causes people. People who are losing their homes & families & everything that they've ever worked to acquire, their security. But even the hurricane was an "Act of God" and maybe made it easier for me to accept the horrifying situation, knowing that it was Gods choice. Yet, in your situation with those fires, it still makes me feel sick to my belly to know that someone started those fires & has thus created all of that destruction towards others. Even in the darkest depths of my mind, I simply cannot fathom WHY someone would do this. It doesn't even make a bit of sense to me. Anyways, I'm sorry. I don't mean to go on about it. (you know me!) I hope that your family is safe & well. I'm sorry that your having to go through such a traumatic event right now all around you. Is work going any better? Are you caring for the elderly, or are these people any age, but with difficulties? My Mama is a nurse for Catholic Charities & she works in an "Adult Daycare Center" for people of any age that cannot be left home alone. Such as in my situation with having my father in law live with us, if he had Alzheimers or needed fulltime care, but Matt & I would still need to continue working, so that would be a facility that we could take him to that will provide him that medical care, as well as "watch" him to make sure that he's okay throughout the day. It's pretty much the same as a daycare center for children, except that there is also medical care provided. They have people as old as eighty five, but as young as twenty six. Obviously, not as many young ones, but like in that situation with the twenty six year old. She's a school teacher & mother & suffered from a nervous breakdown. Her husband & parents bring her back & forth everyday, as she cannot be left alone. My Mama is an incredibly kind, gifted woman. She's made to be a mother, as well as a nurse. The care that she provides people is a rare talent. She treats each person as if they were her own family member. I can see that you also care about people in this same way & want to recognize you for it!! Nurses can be the determining factor in how people perceive their situation, as well as their stay at such a facility. I commend you for your dedication to these people & your occupation. That says so much about you as a person, Mez. I really respect that your sticking to your guns & to what you believe in, despite your coworkers lack of empathy. Are things going well with Gus & Tegan? Is everyone well? I hope that you are all doing great & hanging in there! You've certainly been on my mind & in my prayers! I hope to talk more with you soon! Love you, B
Hi Ms. Barbara, it was super to hear from you girl! Thanks so much for your encouragement regarding my job. The Lord knows that I need it. As I was referring to above, I'm still trying to get used to this currently chosen occupation that I've found myself in. I don't feel like I am a very good salesperson whatsoever. I'm trying to just endure it for all of those other positive aspects of the job that I keep reminding myself about. I can tolerate the job, except when I'm there.. (that's supposed to kind of be a joke) I want to continue to try to stick it out though. Like I said, I feel like I should be able to do five hours standing on my head. It just feels like twenty hours. I make around eight hundred calls per shift, so about thirty two hundred calls a week. I'm really trying to keep it in perspective, but I do have to say that I get feeling frustrated pretty easily. I've also been having some stupid little symptoms occuring throughout my shifts. Such as getting real shaky & sweaty, that ringing in my ears has returned, just an uncomfortable, edgy feeling. It doesn't last the whole time, sort of comes & goes. But last night, it just wouldn't go away. I felt like I barely wanted to hold my head up, my stomach had terrible cramps (like bad heartburn or a gas pain) that I couldn't barely sit still in my seat. I don't know... Then, as I was continuing to sit there feeling miserable, I started to have cravings about "if I could just feel better" & whatever other tricks my mind was trying to use on me to get me thinking about "if I only had a few.." It did go away, not as quickly as it came, but thankfully, it did go away. For about the last week or so, I have been having terrible back pain. It feels like contractions in my lower back right around my previously injured hip. There are times that it takes my breath away, then seems to let back up. I'm having pains down my right leg & numbness. I've been taking Tylenol and Advil, back & forth, but its hardly touching it. I don't know exactly what has set it off again now, but I have to speak to my doctor about this, as its hardly tolerable anymore. I'm wondering if Methadone may help me, but also don't know if I want to go that route either. I know that I could take Motrin 800mg, but those really upset my stomach to the point that it's not worth it for me to even take them. I really don't know how to handle this, as I've always handled it very differently in the past, as we know. This time I'm trying to handle it the best that I can with hot showers, heating pads & Tylenol, but I really do need to discuss it with my doctor. I'm such a baby when it comes to pain- I feel ultrasensitive.
I'm sorry guys, I'm just complaining. I've run out of time before having to leave for work tonight. Hi Cathy & Dee, I've sent you both PMs & hope to talk to you later on!
Love,
B