My neice, Joanne

Hello to all who come here.

I'm busting open with pride for my niece, Joanne. She came from years of Methadone to a couple of months...maybe three of taking four milligrams of Suboxone a day. For one reason or another she never could get a steady doctor to prescribe to her. She was forced to go without due to only having Medicade insurance. When I called a few days ago to check on her and to tell her about how to receive assistance for medicine...she said, "You know what Aunt Barbara, I've gone over a week without any and the last two days have been the best I've felt in a long time." I'm so very happy for her and want to be with her to get the energy I need to quit. I'm so grateful for Suboxone, but I'm sure ready to be rid of it. I wanted to share this with anyone who thinks that you are on a one way road. My doctor told me of patients who suddenly just forgot to take their medicine and put it down from there. My wishes and hopes are with you. If any of you know of someone who has made it off Suboxone, let us hear from you. I'm happy to share this with you. Remember we are all individuals who react differently to everything. Take care and be good to yourselves.

Yours in the struggle,
Barbara Rue

I am glad to hear that your neice is well. It is wonderful that she has been relieved of the need to use suboxone. I hope that she has the tools she needs to maintain her recovery long term. I've personally never heard of anyone coming of sub successfully without tapering but hell miracles happen, I'm living breathing proof of that. But please let her know that there is no shame in having to go back to taking sub if perhaps she's just metabolizing the drug slowly and hasn't went into withdrawals or something like that. The main thing is that we stop the death and destruction addiction causes no matter what it takes.

Monica dear,
Thanks for your input and some side thoughts about what might happen and to look out for the insanity to return. The thing about addition is, it's very patient and cunning. The chance for us to return to our old selves is always a pill away. It always makes perfect sense to use again under the right situation. I have a desease that tells me I don't have a desease. Time goes by and the horror goes away and our love ones have relaxed with our new lives and out of the blue something stupid shows up and it all makes perfect sense to medicate ourselves and faster than before, we are in line at the doctors office wanting some more misery and not caring about the hundreds of dollars we are about to spend.
I'll keep up with Joanne and let you know how she does.

Barbara Rue

Barbara Rue,
You are so right. I hate to seem like a negative Nancy, but I know that people benefit from my mistakes as well as my successes. I have been in the position of having things go too well and just needing the drama for some reason, I know it's part of my disease but it really does sneak up on you. It's like you're aware of all of the pitfalls, but for some reason we seem not to see them in our own lives, or at least that's been my experience. Your neice is lucky to have someone so close to her to share her triumphs with and also to support her if she should fall. It is remarkable how cunning this disease can be and also how patient it can be. Someone told me in one of my early attempts at recovery that while I was getting treatment, the disease was in the parking lot doing push ups. I didn't get it at the time, but it was true. When I relapsed my disease came back with a vengance and kicked my ass worse each time I repeated the pattern. I hope and pray that I know now how to avoid the pitfalls. But I have realized that one of my triggers is when things seem too easy or things are going too well, that is one of the most amazing benefits I get from working with newcomers is that I get to see the struggle everyday. To quote a country song "sometimes I think I get off on the pain". I will pray that all goes well and please keep me posted on your neice's progress.

Your sister in the fight,
Monica

Good morning Monica,
I enjoyed reading your reply. A lot of what you said was for real and some words to remember as we seem to lose site of what got us here in the first place. I just hope Joanne makes it. Any success is an inspiration to me,

Well, reality and things to get done call. I do hope you continue to post to me. It's been a while since I have came on here regularly. You sound like you have a good grip on your recovery.
Thanks again,
Barbara Rue

That's awesome about your neice, Barbara !

I'm curious also, if or when she might feel any withdrawals. Like Monica said, we dont usually hear about people jumping off like that by just forgetting to take it. Was she still at 3-4 mg that you mentioned??

Keep us posted !

Good day ladies,
I just talk to my neice and she's not feeling so well today. She says if she can quit thinking about it, she does better. She said she didn't sleep well last night, but got through it. I called her again to see how she was and she said she had smoked some pot and felt better. I don't endorse this, but if it gets her off of it and cleans up, what can I say? I told her a Benidril may help her sleep. I'm praying she makes it. Thank you for your concern and interest. I'll be back to let you know how she's doing.
Ya'll have a nice evening anf Fourth of July. I'm spending the night keeping my horse quiet from the fire works.
If anyone needs me, post to me and I'll get a notice on my email.

Yours in the struggle,
Barbara

I guess it's expected that she's feeling some sort of withdrawal by now, given Suboxone's long half life, and being she jumped from a relatively high dose (you had said 3-4 mg).
As far as the pot, I say go for it. If its helping her feel better, do it.

Make sure you have a bunch of comfort meds - does she have another doctor who could prescribe you some clonidine? Some people have said that Hyland's Restful Legs helped with RLS as has magnesium and calcium. Immodium for stomach issues; benedryl, melatonin, valerian root or chamomile tea if you need help sleeping; B12 for energy.
Stay as busy as she can, exercising will help her natural endorphin process.

The biggest challenge we face is our own mind making it seem so much worse than it really is.

When you think it is getting uncomfortable, stop and think hard on how you really feel. Most of the time it isn't too bad. It's our brain that is the enemy.

Keep us posted !

personally I would reccommend that if she get's any worse she go back to the sub and wean appropriately under medical supervision. I fell into the marijuana recovery program trap and the comfort meds etc. the first time I came off sub and it lead me right back to the streets. Try it but please tell her that before she does some other opiate go back to sub. Please keep me posted and I will pray for her.

Good morning and thank you both for your input.
I'm in constant prayer for her to make it. She's young and it tickles me to see a young person make it.
I'm going for serious dental work today and I'm deap in thoughts about the pain, meds and what is in store for me this morning. I know I went through surgery on my foot four years back and made it on Advil. Like you said, it's worse in our brain than in physical discomfort. I'll post after I'm back home to let you know how it goes.
Ya'll have a grand day. Keep it simple.

Good luck at your dentist. I had 2 dnc's with no anestesia cause all they had for anestesia was fentnyl. I abused fentanyl so for me it wasn't worth the risk. Don't get me wrong, hurt like hell, but pain is temporary and it won't kill me. Addiction will if I let it.

When I had my last dental work done, I told them I'm on Suboxone multiple times and that I didn't want any type of opiate for pain control. Even after my declarations, the dentist went straight out after pulling my teeth and me telling him again no opiates and wrote a script for norco...go figure. I looked down and realized what it was and took it back to the office, but what if I hadn't. I could have really gotten in deep doodoo if I had taken that to my pharmacy cause when he left the room he told me that he would write 800mg ibuprofen.
It turned out ok though. Ibuprofen imo and I'm not a dr. is better for dental pain than opiates cause most dental pain is caused by inflamation and ibuprofen is anti-inflamatory, opiates on their own are not.

I was truly afraid this would happen. Please do whatever you can to get her back to her provider. But remember, you are not responsible for her recovery, you can only guide, support, and make suggestions. You can't keep her from relapsing if that is what she chooses. I know that she feels she wants to ride it out, but I worry that is her disease talking to her just waiting for it to get bad enough to push her back over the edge. I had the same thing happen to me my first time around with sub. Started forgetting to take it, wasn't so bad. I'd take it every other day, then every couple days, then whenever I remembered, thought I was doing great and weaning myself off. When I look back there were a lot of things going on and I was planning my relapse, although I didn't realize it at the time. My disease was telling me that I was doing great, weaning off, etc. Long story short I relapsed bout 3 weeks after the last time I forgot to take my sub. Looking back I really do believe that my disease tricked me into thinking I was doing ok weaning myself, then boom, I had a migraine, convinced myself I could take a pill cause I was in pain, and within a couple of days I was shooting again and worse than ever. Please tell your neice that there is no shame in returning to treatment, instead there is great pride in realizing that you have not allowed this disease to trick you into coming back into hell. I'm sorry, but in my honest opinion unless she goes into an inpatient detox or something like that she doesn't need marijuana, clonodine, clonopin, phenegran or any other comfort measures, she needs to return to her provider and get back into treatment sooner rather than later. I'm not a doctor and I speak only from my experience, but I fear that she is headed to full blown relapse if she doesn't arrest the process now and get back into treatment. I will be praying for her and for you because I know it's hard on you too. Sometimes supporting someone through hard times is worse than going through it yourself. And you are absolutely right in not giving her your medication, because that would keep her from having to choose whether to get treatment and stay in recovery, try to detox, or relapse. In my opinion you are doing the best thing possible by supporting her and telling her to get to the dr. Keep your eyes open for those wonderful tools our disease uses to trick us like rationalization, denial, etc. Try not to sugarcoat what you see in her when you talk to her. I know that it may hurt her feelings to hear the truth if you have something negative to tell her but it may also save her life. Like I said I'm not a medical professional, just one addict trying to help another with my experience. Please don't be offended by anything I've said. I am truly concerned for your neice. Please keep me posted on how she's doing. If she needs to talk to someone other than you i will be glad to pm you my number. Just let me know if there is anything at all I can do to help you or her.

Barbara,
I'm sorry, I know your niece is the one that you are the closest to in your family besides your mom and brother. She is the one who looks up to you for everything. When I talked to you last week I was worried about the long half life of Suboxone and in the back of my mind I kept hearing the stories of so many others who also jumped without any withdrawal until about a week later.
Riding this out may be what she wants to do but it may also be what's not in her best interest. We all want to at some point be off of everything but the safest way of doing that is to work with our providers.

Not being able to pay for your medication makes it so hard to stay in treatment. Her provider accepts medicaid so that part is covered. She needs to get him to fill out the prior authorization form so that she can get her medication. ( I sent the form to your email last week)
I know you want to help her. And you can help her best by letting her do the work. Your right by not giving her your Suboxone as that will eventually come around to bite you in the a** she is a very lucky young lady to have your support.
No one call tell her what to do and she is going to do what she thinks is best. Please share with her what has been said here. She may not know it but she has some of the best people pulling for her right now.
Please keep us posted

Yes, she's going through what we all have. I'll keep you posted about Joanne, I'm trying to get her to post on here. i'm pff to shower and go for my dental work. Have a good day. Thanks for your thoughts.
Barbara

I will keep you and your neice in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that if anything I may have said hurt or offended you in any way, it was said with genuine concern and the best of intentions. I hate the internet cause it can come across cold or sound like you're being mean. I meant what I said. If you or your neice needs to talk I will be glad to pm you my number. Keep me posted. And good luck with your dental work. I know you'll make it thru ok.

Your friend in the struggle,
Monica

Monica, you are an angel on earth. I felt your aurora around me through the internet...really good conection. Well, Joanne used again and once again she feels like crap and crapping. I have told her I will not support her while she is trying to run the show and using her old habits to use other people.
After supper I will get into reading up on everything,,,you guys give me insurance when my heart breaks over another addict...something being said and heard by another who needed to hear the lesson. Blessings usually follow...so take a deep seat and a far away look.
Love to love,
Barbara Rue "Rue"

I'm really sorry to hear about your neice. I know that it is horrible for you to see her using again. When I went into treatment this last time, my mother started with me. Only lasted 2 weeks and she went back to pain management dr. I have to set boundaries with her too. It's hard when you love someone, but I know that the best way I can love mom right now is from a distance. I hope that she will get it some day and I will be here clean and sober for her. I know that the best thing I can do now is let her see how wonderful recovery is and maybe she will want what I have.

I really hope your neice will find her way back. Please keep us posted and let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.

Yours in the fight
Monica

Hi Dee,

As far as I know Joanne is still hanging in there. I've been working and taking care of the house, Mom and brother...not much or enough time. I had to postpone my dental appt. because they want $1,000. out of pocket. Talk about not acting like a dope feine and wanting it now!. I have to take things in stride and try harder. You my friend have done a lot with your caring and worry. You are an anchor I can hold on to...love me enough to let me go play facebook. I've been helping animals in kill shelters. This is another anchor I have. I'll try yo be back more often. Give me some of the work and lead me.
So good to talk a little...we need a good sit down with coffee. How about my next morning off?
Love,
Barbara

Thanks Monica,
I'll remember you.

Still waters run deep.

Sorry to hear about your niece, Barbara

I'm sure it's difficult for you since your trying so hard to help her.

Keep us posted.

Ishy, I'm sorry. I know it is hard on you to see her in such a way. We can do all we can do to help each other but when someone is not ready, they are not ready.
We all did it our way for so long until we figured out that our way was not the way to go and when we see someone repeating our mistakes we try to guide them so they don't have to repeat what we went through. Sometimes it is best to take a step back and let them take their own steps.
I am not saying you can't help her, not by no means but she is going to have to take her own steps. We are always here for you and we will be here for her as well if she should find her way here.
She is in my prayers and you as well.