6/15/2011 ~ Taking Care of Ourselves

Subject: 6/15/2011 ~ Taking Care of Ourselves Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:01 am

Taking Care of Ourselves

It's healthy, wise, and loving to be considerate and responsive to the feelings and needs of others. That's different from caretaking. Caretaking is a self-defeating and, certainly, a relationship defeating behavior - a behavior that backfires and can cause us to feel resentful and victimized - because ultimately, what we feel, want, and need will come to the surface.

Some people seem to invite emotional caretaking. We can learn to refuse the invitation. We can be concerned; we can be loving, when possible; but we can place value on our own needs and feelings too. Part of recovery means learning to pay attention to, and place importance on, what we feel, want, and need, because we begin to see that there are clear, predictable, and usually undesirable consequences when we don't.

Be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn to do this. Be understanding with yourself when you slip back into the old behavior of emotional caretaking and self-neglect.

But stop the cycle today. We do not have to feel responsible for others. We do not have to feel guilty about not feeling responsible for others. We can even learn to let ourselves feel good about taking responsibility for our needs and feelings.

Today, I will evaluate whether I've slipped into my old behavior of taking responsibility for another's feelings and needs, while neglecting my own. I will own my power, right, and responsibility to place value on myself.
Today's Thought is a reading from the book,
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Subject: Re: 6/15/2011 ~ Taking Care of Ourselves Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:03 am

6/15/2011 ~ Taking Care of Ourselves Day_dr10

Very well said and on the spot post Beth. You just described how I am most days. As hard as I think I'm trying to avoid falling into the old behaviour of taking care of everyone emotionally as well as physically, I still seem to fail.
I can go weeks sometimes and do good at maintaining my distance and eventually my resolve dissolves.

When I speak about the people around me I am talking about my in laws or future in laws if you will. So far they only way I am able to do this is to cut them out of my life.
I never wanted to have to do this but for I've found that I have to.
Have you heard the saying "if you give an inch, they take a mile"?

I'll give you an example, a niece. I love her to pieces so don't get me wrong. But she has a lot of drama that follows her. She has to have attention and when she doesn't get it she goes on the warpath. Then she will call me to let me know how wronged she has been. Meaning that once again someone else has done something wrong. The only way I have been able to avoid this since my last hospital visit is to completely eliminate her. I haven't spoken to her in about 3 weeks. I've set boundaries and I've told her about those boundaries and she says she agrees. But seems to think these boundaries don't apply to her, just everyone else.

It got so bad that my other half had to get onto her the last time we saw her. The same goes for her mother she knows how I feel and about my health, but it took my son telling her to back off to make her stop and that was only for a day. Now she calls and starts our the conversation with, "I don't want to stress you out but...

I'm sorry I didn't mean to get carried away. I don't even know if my post makes any sense as I am typing as the words leave my brain this morning. I just sometimes feel at a loss as to what to do.

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